Monday, May 12, 2008
There’s been far too much reality invading your not-so-humble reviewer’s life as of late, readers, including, but not limited to, a monstrous, king-hell virus that laid my computer up but good. Like a lasso-less cowboy tryin’ to rustle up some cattle, I’ve had work to do but not the tools to do so...and, on top of that, I’m a lazy, lazy man.
As such, I Do Things So You Don’t Have To seems, theoretically, like it’d be directly up my alley.
I’ll tell you what: it’s actually pretty clever, I Do Things is, oftentimes escalating into the really well done. I Scattered My Dad’s Ashes So You Don’t Have To, I Have Scoliosis So You Don’t Have To, and an almost obsessive exhibitionist-streak that manifests in her many posts about nude beaches, are not what I was expecting after reading such things as Pimp My Dessert or whatever the fuck other fluffy bits of fluffity-fluff-fluff that fluttered fluffily over my head as I tried to read them.
JD’s having herself some fun, and her writing is accessible if not, for lack of a better word, vanilla. As in life, it all comes down to taste: some people like Dave Barry, some like the idea of Dave Barry suffocating on his own tongue. To me, he’s a goober, and JD’s in possession of an equally goobersome style of writing. It’s not bad, at all, and I’m sure there are many who will enjoy it thoroughly, but it’s not my thing.
So, writing? Solid. Template?
Jesus fucking Christ.
The header looks like a jellyfish-attack during an acid-flashback, or how an apocalyptic merry-go-round would look with the liquor-spins - I feel nauseous, gagging back morning coffee and reminding myself that the nightmare I had last night about the woman who screamingly pulled her own psychotic eyes out of her head with her fingers was just a dream, even though the images just came back vividly from staring at this godawful header.
It is, absolutely, the worst, most incongruous header for a blog imaginable, and even excepting the disgusting abomination at the top, mixing bright-blue and swamp-green throughout makes for an appetite-alienating experience. Perhaps that was the plan, to distract the eye from the atrocious colour-combination by assaulting the senses with that header?
Whatever the rationale, I’ve seen raccoon road-kill with a better sense of decorum.
In short, keep the writing, change the template...like, immediately. Post-haste. NOW.
I might’ve been three- or even four-star swayed had I been in the right mood, and had the template not jolted me into remembering my own horrific nightmares, but almost entirely based on the travesty that is this template, here is your rating:
I want to hunt down, torture, and eat that header; unless you’re comfortable prompting bloodlust, JD, please destroy that template.
For the greater good.