Thursday, April 16, 2009

Alas, Mommybloggers

Gather around, kids. I'm going to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, Love Bites was dating a guy she met at church. In a very unchurchy way, however, Love Bites and her beau were fornicating the shit out of each other. One day, Love Bites started feeling nauseated and sick. She went to the grocery story, and on a whim, purchased a pregnancy test. Love Bites took the little stick into her bathroom, where she peed right onto it. As she watched, a miraculous blue line appeared on the stick. "Honey," she said. "I think I'm knocked up."

And that, kids, is how Love Bites got married. Top that one for romance.

So, today's blogger is trying to get knocked up. I don't know if that's the point of her blog, (or what the point actually is, in spite of reading about 30 posts), but at least three of the most recent ten posts talk about the pregnancy endeavor. Having spent most of 30 years trying to avoid pregnancy, and failing miserably on 3 occasions, it's hard for me to relate. The idea that people intentionally get pregnant baffles me. Accidental, I can understand. Accidental is interesting. For that matter, fornication is interesting to me. Planned pregnancies? Zzzzzzz.

So, count that as strike one in the difficulties with relating to today's blogger.

Strike two is this: PLEASE DO NOT REFER TO YOURSELF ONLY AS SOMEONE'S MOMMY WHEN YOU BLOG, aka: "Funny Bunny Mama." Didn't you have an identity before you enlisted your uterus for this heavy duty mommy work? Did that person just disappear when your vagina activated? Did your brain, your soul, your intellect, your personhood DIE when your child was born? This is not healthy behavior. Please stop thinking about yourself only in these terms. And, if you don't think of yourself only in these terms, then purge this behavior from your blog. It's NOT GOOD. It leads to NOT GOOD THINGS. I've been down that NOT GOOD road, my chilluns, and it won't end well. Find your own damn name. Find your own damn voice.

Strike three: "Our Little Funny Bunny." I think I threw up a little bit.

Strike four: THIS SHIT. God I hate blogtests, memes, blogxchanges, blog promotions, blog cross pollination, and other contrived crap like that. Please, for the love of all that is semi-sacred, knock it the fuck off.

This blog is cute. It has a cute design. The colors are cute, and it's neat and tidy. The kid in the header image is cute. I can't hate on cute.

Oh, wait. I can. The writing is safe & cute. It turns over no new stones. It needs to be edited, heavily. It meanders with no point. It takes no risks. It shows us some stuff on the surface, but never the soul beneath. It's pedestrian. It's BORING.

You can sense from the surface that there might be problems, but this blog is all that is nice, and everything that term implies: white picket fences, June Cleaver smiling at Ward and sleeping in separate beds, children with clean lunch boxes, perfectly starched little dresses. Ain't nothing wrong with nice.

Although, your blog tells me that under the nicey nice, there's some huge problems that you are totally not dealing with.

Mommybloggers, of the world, I have a message for you. And, because I'm lazy, I'm going to borrow, liberally, from something I sent in an e-mail to someone yesterday:

The really insidious thing about mommyblogging is that most people can really only stand so much cute coupled with snark. It's like spending 24 hours on cute overload. Awww, look at the itty bitty chicks, you think. Oh, wait. There are more chicks. And more. They're ADORABLE. And then, 20 minutes later, after looking at ten million fluffy adorable chicks, you want to take a hatchet to them and eat them.

Or at least, I do. I need some heart. Some guts. Some blood, sweat and tears. And most blogs, mommyblogs included, never go there. And, that's a shame.


There is nothing on your blog that sucks me in, or makes me care. This blog could be a mainstay for you, a place to say what you have to say, a place to share your deepest soul. But, mostly, you don't.

It's sweet, it's nice, it's boring as hell.

I want to know WHO YOU ARE. I want to know what moves YOU. I want some fucking backstory that helps me make sense of your current struggles and happiness (and this ain't it). I want an explanation of the quote in your header image. I WANT A FUCKING STORY.

I mean, sure, kids are great. They're the greatest, highest, most wonderful part of my world. But they aren't everything. And, when they're grown and gone (and it will be soon, darlings), I'll just have me. And, who will that person be, if my entire life has been subsumed into adoration of my children? I think it's a question to ask yourself.

I give you a fluffy chick. You're nice.



p.s. PLEASE don't have another baby until you fix your marriage.

669 comments:

  1. When I was a kid my mother told me, "I refuse to let my entire life be you kids. I have an identity, I have other things I want to do."

    At the time, I thought she was horrible, a terrible mother.

    As I got older, I got it, I understood.

    But truthfully? Mom never has. She had the right thought, but no balls to carry through on it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wait a minute, you dont hate her? But she is a mommy blogger. Isnt that against the rules or something? I thought we hated ALL mothers that blogged, including but not limited to ourselves.

    I dont hate her either, I'm just bored. I couldnt get through more than a couple of posts.

    I also am going to suggest NOT having another baby until things are rock steady with her marriage.

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  3. Hate's a strong emotion. I try to reserve it for my ex-husband, and even he can only get me to go there a couple of times a year.

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  4. Ps - I fucking love baby chicks.

    Peep peep.

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  5. I love them when Stroud's gets ahold of them.

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  6. I got bored hating my ex-husband.

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  7. Seriously. So been there, done that. I mean, he is a loathesome, detestable scumbag, but that's not new information.

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  8. I hear ya. I just wait for him to do something new and interesting so I can hate him all over again for a few minutes. Then I get bored again.

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  9. Yes, Stroud's does a righteous job on them.

    However? My husband does better, thus making eating them out not as awesome anymore.

    My hubs can fry some shit up. I think it's his long term plan to kill me.

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  10. Fried foods and campground beer sounds like a murderous plan to me!

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  11. Fried foods and campire beer sounds like a kick ass party to me, y'all.

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  12. Fried food and campground beer makes up my entire existence.

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  13. Our little funny bunny? Sigh. I knew I shouldn't have thrown my last doobie away.

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  14. PS, you know the original Stroud's is closed. Knocked down.

    Doesn't seem worth going to the new ones.

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  15. I thought my dad was the only guy left on planet earth that says doobie.

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  16. OMG, that's so damn wrong. Remember the awesome cinnamon rolls, though? *droool.*

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  17. My mom wanted to name our cat Doobie. Looking back, I totally should have let her.

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  18. I call my kid Doobie. Is that wrong?

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  19. No, BB, thats some funny shit!

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  20. Who's a good little Doobie?

    You are!

    You can call me Doobie's Mom.

    But don't.

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  21. You are so going to be Stifler's Mom, Bets. Those tits will carry you straight into legendary milfhood.

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  22. I think teenage boys run from DDD's.

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  23. Not any teenage boy I've ever met.

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  24. I'm an ass man. I'm an ass man. I'm an ass man. Ignore the boob talk. Ignore the boob talk.

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  25. My mom was one of those woman who defined herself with motherhood. It was a lot of pressure on us to be perfect, because we knew we were all she had. If we messed up once, she behaved like it was the end of the fucking world. And for her it was. That is the danger of consuming yourself with your child.

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  26. Gok - you sound like my husband, there, denying the boob love.

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  27. Everyone loves boobs! Dont deny yourself Ghost.

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  28. I think GoK would like this conversation to take a different course.

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  29. It does appear that way doesn't it?

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  30. Gwen,

    The more you write, the more common ground I find with you. I bet our moms would be BFFs.

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  31. I sorta like boobs. There, I feel much better.

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  32. Man, the day my kid starts thinking I'm an asshole, my heart is going to break.

    My mom IS an asshole though.

    So it's inevitable.

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  33. Thankfully my mom was an asshole. Now she is semi-normal. Could be the fact that she is no longer under the influence of an insidious, brainwashing, fundie cult. But, yeah, LB, I think our moms would really hit it off.

    Boobs are great. I miss my little guys. Now I have bigger ones, but they're fake. Fucking silicone.

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  34. Seriously, I feel like I'm at a boob farm.

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  35. My mom is still heavily under the influence of a brainwashing cult known as the Southern Baptist church. It's very sad.

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  36. Maybe I missed my calling as a boobfarmer.

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  37. LB - that truly sucks. I often wonder: if my mom had a blog when I was growing up, what it would look like, what it would say. "Oh my. What a day. Gwen spilled juice all over the carpet and I flipped the fuck out and broke some dishes. Then I got in a fight with DH and he left. Then I went up to my room and sobbed for like 5 hours until my kids came up and apologized for being so bad. Then we all went to church!"

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  38. Ghost - now you can pick it up where you.

    Basically, you can pluck implants right from the ground, you know.

    I mean, I think we must be hitting the first wave of implant receivers dying right?

    Just dig those puppies up and recycle them.

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  39. Boobfarmer...what would you harvest?

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  40. Wow, look at that, the meds have not helped my typing skills at all today.

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  41. You're welcome to my funbags when I die. 350cc silicone bags.

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  42. This is much funnier if you know my last name. Ooops. Well, now you do. Sooner or later, I was doomed to 'have a farm'. Eeieeioo.

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  43. Gwen: Wow. I'm thinking now that this might be a good way to get DPH the new boobs she wants. Hurry up and die people.

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  44. I have 425cc of saline.

    Wait one side is a little bigger I think. So maybe one is 425 one is 400.

    Yeah, I think that is right.

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  45. Gok - I'm working on it. I mean the dying part. Drinking, drugs, BRCA2. In the words of the late great Anne Sexton - The body is a damn hard thing to kill.

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  46. Gwen: I'll need you to keep me updated on your progress.

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  47. This I know... But still? I like the word butthead. All one word.

    The rest of the day you are butthead.

    You okay with that?

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  48. I'd prefer 'butthole' or 'dirty buttfucker'.

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  49. The word that stuck out for me was "safe." That's what gets me about a lot of these types of bloggers: it's all surface and safe.

    Great review, Love.

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  50. Blah. Large tits (real ones) do scare guys. Actually had one guy turn me down once.

    Do you think funny banana mama really likes the head, because where else would she get that name? Or maybe she does the June Cleaver thing and vaccuums in heels and pearls? Because that could be hot.

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  51. Yeah, safe is boring. It just is for me. I'm dying - I want to read some good shit before I go. I want to know all your dirty secrets.

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  52. P.S. I'm not really dying. I just said that to get Gok's hopes up.

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  53. My favorite part is all the encouragement in the comments.

    I CANNOT fathom someone encouraging me to get knocked up!

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  54. I have yet to be scared off by any set of boobs. You could be all Picasso under your shirt and I could give a shit less.

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  55. Tits: No, I'm not going to say it. I refuse. I will not say it.

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  56. I'm fairly certain that accidental pregnancy will be the only way I sprout children. Or divine intervention. From Satan.

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  57. Yeah, guys turn me down all the time. No, that's not right. They come up to me, hit on me, and then do this crazy personality turn. It's all, "I didn't know people like you existed. We are totally fucking hanging out again." And then they want to be my best friend for a week, and then they meet the girl of their dreams and I have to go to another goddamn wedding.

    I am the Best. Wingman. Ever.

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  58. so I started writing that in response to Captain Steve, and I forgot to mention my massive tits.

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  59. Well I am all Picasso under my shirt. Still wanna peek?

    And I'm with Betsey and LB - Getting pregnant on purpose feels unnatural to me. And I know that makes no logical sense. But it seems like people have the hardest time getting pregnant when they try.

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  60. Actually, I did try with both of the kids.

    Turns out, I only had to try once though.

    Where is the fun in that?

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  61. Rassles - I was the best buddy for the longest time too.

    My friends always ended up with the dates.

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  62. In honor of our New Infertile Friend Sarah, I'm going to move that we stop talking 'water' to the 'drowning victim'.

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  63. Ghost just got all thoughtful. My hope for humanity is restored.

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  64. Rass: Strangely, I have the wingman problem too, but with a small twist. All my female friends end up making out/sleeping with guys they've met through me. At a first meeting. Each. Fucking. Time.

    Maybe you and I ought to hang out. One of us is bound to get lucky :P

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  65. I will agree with you on some points, but have to disagree on others.

    Yes, the majority of the content is, as Calamity succinctly put it, "safe". The bulk of it is a surface treatment of what could be far more interesting content.

    However, from my perspective, I think she did take a risk writing about how she became a married mother (the post you linked to with "taking no risks"), as well as in admitting that her marriage is screwed up and needs fixing. (Which, incidentally, it does, and preferably before she has another child with this man. A baby is not going to fix anything, it will instead place a magnifying glass on the problems that already existed.)

    I won't get into the trying to conceive thing with you... with three accidental pregnancies (at least that's what I understood), you and I come at the whole becoming a parent thing from completely opposite directions.

    And finally, a pseudonym is like a blog title or a book cover. Making assumptions based on that alone may prevent the discovery of something more.

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  66. Fuck. Doesn't blogger wordwrap commenter's names?

    I am Zippy above.

    So much for snarky names.

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  67. I don't know, man. Titles are revealing things. They don't reveal everything, sure, but it's your first impression. I admit I judge them. Perhaps to my detriment, but still. If you don't grab me with your title, if I find it trite or lacking individuality, well... I'll probably just click away.

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  68. Key, I think DPH shoud keep her real boobs. Smaller boobs stay firm and you can wear things with no bra, nipples ar eth emost fun anyhow. I had such big boobs I opted to have them reduced. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Nowadays with everyone in SoCal getting boobs, I actually think small real boobs are hot 'cause everyone's sporting DDs.

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  69. Formerly Fun is right. I would KILL to have my old boobs back. Little things, but they were so perky and perfect. Sigh. I can't believe I'm wistful about boobs today.

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  70. @Calamity:

    That's fair, I suppose, except for the fact that AAYSR preaches that it's all about content, about oomph. A blog title or pseudonym isn't the apex of the content; sometimes it's not even the best representation.

    Note that I'm not criticizing your personal opinion, just remarking that it disagrees with what you say in a lot of your reviews.

    I think that sometimes, people choose pseudonyms on a whim (like me) and then they become identified with that pseudonym for better or worse. I used to blog under my real first name, but did a reboot and chose SciFi Dad haphazardly. When I polled my readers for opinions about a new name, most were resistant, indicating that they "knew" me as SFD. (In fact, the truth about how I came up with my pseudonym was so boring I made up an origin story for it.)

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  71. I wouldn't dismiss a blog solely on the title or header. I mean, mine is pretty boring. I'd like to think my content is better than my header and title. Hmmm. Maybe it's time I get a new title.

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  72. Rassles - about being a "wingman". Yeah, that was me forever. I was just a friend. It got to a point where I was shocked when a guy paid real sexual interest in me. I didn't recognize it.

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  73. No, you're right: content is king. But accessories help get you noticed.

    For what it's worth, I like "SciFi Dad."

    But I find anything titled along the lines of (as noted in the review) Pumpkin's Mom or Stockbroker's Wife or any variation thereof kind of off-putting. Ok, really off-putting.

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  74. I should say that I'm not going to click away if your title is boring and your content is good and somehow I saw your content before your title. I just mean if all I see is a ho-hum blog title or pseudonym, I'm probably not going to be intrigued enough to check out your content.

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  75. I'll admit, seeing funny bunny's mom or something, that will just kill my interest, right there. Yes, I'm shallow. But it is also part of the content you're putting out there, that your identity is in this one thing.

    At least, sci fi dad, your identity comes from TWO things. And, I like sci fi. But, if your username had been, I dunno, NASCARdad...toast.

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  76. Curious, this was very close to the review I was going to give.

    Right down to your P.S.

    The test I think would be if a magic wan was waved and her marriage was perfect, would it be worth reading? I'd have to say, as a non-friend/family outsider, no.

    Remove the car crash we are all watching waiting to happen, it's below par, moreso due to effortlack of effort than lack of skill.

    I'd ask her would she herself read it if she didn't know her...

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  77. oh look, I COULD do a review after all

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  78. Note to self: cancel plans to change name to "Butt Plug Dad". Calamity and Love Bites like pseudonym as is.

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  79. alternatively, you could rearrange the words I wrote there to make a coherent sentence.

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  80. Actually, butt plug dad would a-okay.

    Gene: figured as much. ;)

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  81. Hmmm, notice how we are never seen in the same room as each other?

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  82. It's all part of the magic, Fr.

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  83. Gwen: don't change your blog. It's already perfect. i've now precluded myself from reviewing you, though.

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  84. If you were going to get a t-shirt personalized, what would yours say?

    Mine would say "cautionary tale."

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  85. Mine would say: Superpussy

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  86. Damn, LB! I was so counting on getting you as I've already seduced you into my web at the Wonderland Ranch.

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  87. Do you realize the hilarity of wanting ME to review your blog? NO ONE WANTS THAT.

    You must be crazy. If so, please share your meds. We needs them.

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  88. I think we should consider our own t-shirt line. And the ever-crafty Rassles can design them.

    I'm only 43% joking here.

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  89. I think the problem with mommybloggers that stay on the safe side is that they started their blog as a dedication to their children and to motherhood. And because they are so fucking nutso about their own kids, they have to give their url to every relative that shares a drop of their blood, causing them to always stay on the safe side.

    Who knows, maybe they had never been inspired by anything in their lives until they popped on out. I'm glad they finally have enough inspiration to make a cute template at least and sit down and write about their lives for the ultra bored and quality-reading-deprived folk among us. I truly think if they had found a speck of inspiration in life before having children, there would be some remnant of person left in them that is independent from their offspring.

    All I can do is shrug to that. There are probably billions just like that. That's fine. I'll coexist with them and all, but I ain't fucking reading the inner workings of their brains, yo, which usually consists of describing fucking playdates.

    I'd rather fuck around on here and read about all of your fake boobies. Am I the only one around here that likes small tits (specifically my own)?

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  90. I love small tits.....

    I'm refraining from the next joke as it would get this place shut down and me arrested.

    Fucking funny though.

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  91. LB - I am a little crazy. But I got the morphine, percocet, and valium. Does life get any better than that? Will trade good meds for good review.

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  92. @Bluestreak:

    I totally agree. One of the things we (my wife and I) did when we rebooted to go anonymous is to keep the urls hidden from family and friends. (Well, for the most part; she gave it to a few friends so I have to watch what I say about them. I accidentally left my url open on my sister's laptop once and so she has it too, but otherwise we blog without such repercussions.)

    I have found that without fear of hurting people's feelings, I can write more honestly.

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  93. Bluestreak - I have fake boobies because of the BRCA2. Believe me, I would take my real, little ones any day. My fake ones are just a B cup anyway. I used to be a small A.

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  94. 1. I love small boobies and wish mine were.

    2. Mine are completely natural DDs that still look surprisingly good at age 43.

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  95. 1. I love DPH's boobs the way they are.

    2. She does not.

    3. I can't believe we are still talking boobs.

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  96. My small boobs were excellent.

    My post partum boobs were defenders of the benefits of gravity.

    Gravity is a bitch.

    It's defenders lost the fight.

    My toes were tired of being stared at.

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  97. My t-shirt just might say:

    Up your ass with Mobile gas.

    I don't know why.

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  98. More than likely, my shirt would really say.

    Sushi in the day
    Saki at night

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  99. It's not so much my boobs that are big as my ginormous, saucer-sized nipples.

    I've said too much.

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  100. I have no idea what my t-shirt would say. This is likely due to a lack of introspection.

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  101. In regards to hurting friends feelings...I don't worry about it. I know some of my friends have been a little iffy about things I've written about them. So I just berate them until they stop being so lame about it, and now they're all, "when are you going to write about the time I did _____________ (fucking whatever)?"

    Family, however? If they read it, I don't know about it.

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  102. I'm kind of working under the assumption that if I wrote it and they happened to read, then probably needed to be said.

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  103. Chances are I'll say it to their face eventually if I haven't yet.

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  104. Saying planned pregnancies bore you is like some one who inherited a fortune saying that needing money bores them. It might not be something they can relate to but it isn't the subject that is boring it is the writing that draws you in, or doesn't in this case. You don't have to experience something to be able to empathise. Look at Xbox4nappyrash as a prime example of the most planned (albeit not going to plan) with an I Fucking Love You from you guys.

    But with the exception of strike one totally agree with the review. So maybe I disagree with the first strike because it is a bit too close to home.

    And for the record, I have great boobs.

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  105. I'm not arguing the point. I'm just saying that the struggle to get impregnated is something I can't really relate to given that sperm and eggs were ALWAYS trying to attach themeselves to me.

    We all have areas of interest, reading about people's fertility issues (albeit, I'm sure, a huge concern to the people experiencing it) isn't one of mine.

    Though, Xbox's conversations with his sperm are always amusing. chalk me up as a fan of sperm.

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  106. fan of sperm

    LB's next t-shirt

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  107. fan of sperm

    Fr. Gene's next set of underpants.

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  108. All these great boobs and know beads. Shame.

    LB: I think you're really a fan of the various delivery methods and the packaging than you are of the little swimmers themselves.

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  109. Look what I just did. 'No beads'.

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  110. Oh, no, I like the little swimmers too.

    Fuck me, I've said too much.

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  111. No, no, I think she just really likes the sperm.

    They're cuddly.

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  112. And I refrained from throwing a "guzzler" in there.

    I said too little.

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  113. I'm just happy that the term dumpster wasn't used.

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  114. I guess 'cum guzzling slut' isn't a cute nickname.

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  115. Well, it isn't MY nickname.

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  116. T-shirts abound.

    Dumpster can only be used in reference to me, as in she looks like "found in a dumpster Barbie"

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  117. 1.) I love boobs

    2.) I love all of you for the simple fact that you are still talking about boobs!

    3.)Ghost, you brought a tear to my eye, and a warm fuzzy feeling in my special place.

    4.) I would sell my soul(if I had one) to have small cute tits.

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  118. I like sperm. Provided they come nowhere near my eggs.

    That makes me kind of a spermaphobe doesn't it?

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  119. Only on this blog could we go from fluffy chicks and mommy issues all the way to "games to play with sperm" in a single afternoon.

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  120. Mr. Booms called me that...

    ONCE.

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  121. Cum dumpster isn't my nickname, either. "Dirty girl who needs a spanking" might qualify, though.

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  122. Ok. We have 'loves sperm' and 'great boobs'. Did I mention I'm an organic jeweler?

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  123. I'm so stepping out of this conversation now.

    I smell trouble.

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  124. Ooooh, now we're talking about sperm! Nice. Is someone donating?

    Ghost, I'm sure I've missed something...whats with the biscotti?

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  125. Idk, Sarah, what's it worth to ya? I'm thinking I'm being insensitive right now. My biscotti are laced with gok.

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  126. Gene, she said 'trouble', not pre-teen semen.

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  127. DON'T EAT THE BISCOTTI. No one loves sperm that much.

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  128. If the joke needed explaining...

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  129. ...kinda pointless after that, innit?

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  130. Hey, how many times can someone get away with saying 'pre-teen semen'?

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  131. Hey, I loves me some sperm.

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  132. Way to end the party, Ghost.

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  133. Sarah, I'm sure you do.

    BB: Well, I'm good at finishing.

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  134. heh.

    I'm sure you are Ghost, I'm sure you are.

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  135. Yes, even in the touche.

    GoK, you're such a bragger.

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  136. Maybe he wasnt bragging. Maybe it was more of a confession?

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  137. Bragging? No. If I was bragging, I would go on about how I do it all better than anyone alive. I consider my self an Anatomical Missionary.

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  138. Yeah, I'm out of here.

    There are things I don't want to know. I had to stop reading your blog, Ghost.

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  139. Chances are, if I have to tell you why, then you still wouldn't understand the actual "why".

    I just kind of use the expression, "somethings are best left to the imagination" as a rule of thumb.

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  140. I've noticed a lot of people have stopped reading my blog. Must have been something I said. Eh.

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  141. Hey, I didn't even explain the Doggy Sanchez. I've cleaned up my act, honestly.

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  142. Just know, I'm shaking my head in the way only a mother can.

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  143. I read. I just dont know what the hell to say 99% of the time.

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  144. '...you're rapping about homosexuals and vicodin. I can't sell that shit!'

    I think that might sum it all up. It's not for everyone.

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  145. Idk, maybe I do need a spanking.

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  146. You need something, I dont know that a spanking is really gonna cut it though.

    Perhaps a time out.

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  147. ...and a lot of therapy.

    You know, it's weird, because the line of where I don't want to know anymore is kind of flexible. Reading about butt sex with a woman 20 years ago? A-okay by me. Reading about butt sex with your fiance? Not so much.

    I love y'all, but I don't want to know.

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  148. Oh god, i had all butt(see what I did there? I amuse me)forgotten about the butt sex post.

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  149. Tell us more about you amusing yourself...

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  150. The rest is kinda private Gene.

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  151. Sarah: Which one?

    LB: Huh. People don't want to read about that?

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  152. Hey listen, when you've been trying to get knocked up for almost 2 years and have had to resort to a Dr. doing the deed, so to speak. There is a lot of amusement that goes on. A lot.

    I amuse the shit outta me.

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  153. Wrong hole then, basically?

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  154. The older one, Ghost. I sorta skim posts that mention you and DPH doing certain things. Sorry.

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  155. I amused the hell out of myself last night.

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  156. Ok, ok...wrong choice of words apparently.

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  157. If I don't want to read about something I kind of assume it's just me. I'm a prude. I know this.

    When LB doesn't want to read the same thing... Well you know what I'm saying.

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  158. I think in one way or another that pretty much all of my posts have something to do with ass sex.

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  159. I skim Ghost's posts to get to the good stuff (buttsecks), and then I skim it again... and again... and again.

    Not really. Well, not the again part.

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  160. Also, I'm still laughing about the Father's burp joke.

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  161. "joke"...

    yeah, sure, joke.

    *hic*

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  162. Joke/reality. So often the same thing.

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  163. I once came across this little thing on the net...shows a bunch of sperm(s)(?) colliding with each other, while the lead sperm's yelling "everybody, go back, it's a blowjob"...now that's what i want on my tshirt

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  164. All the best jokes involve tragedy and reality.

    Yeah...I like sperm, and I'm not so much of a prude, and when I read something and am like, "oh man," you kinda know it's bad.

    Let me put it like this, Key-baby: You're encroaching on MIA territory. And I'm not talking paper planes here, bucko.

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  165. Mister Crowley, for the life of me, I cannot figure out why a catch like you is still single. That shirt, alone, would be a major chick magnet.

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  166. Well Ghost, nothing says 'I love you' like butt sex.

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  167. I'm just passing on God's message

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  168. LB: Swagger. Sadly, I edit out a lot of things that would make you vomit uncontrollably.

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  169. Sarah: I know, right?

    FG: 'massage' is not 'message'.

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  170. Not that MIA, Key. Mia Watts.

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  171. *no one on the corner got a swagger like us...*

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  172. Woa, woa, fucking woa. I'm not writing fiction, LB.

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Grow a pair.