Friday, July 25, 2008

Mutha's Hot For The Geezer!

It is my privilege to present to you, The Whinging Geezer, a relatively new blogger. Now, when you look at his blog, the bloggy snobs among you are going to balk at the template. Sure, it's plain and homely, but give him a break - he's a senior citizen for crying out loud! Not only a senior, but one who is tech savvy enough to create this little spot of geriatric love in our nasty, cold blogosphere. View it in Explorer (Gag me with a browser - I'm a Firefox babe.), it looks better over there.

In a web-world of porn, crime, identity theft, child abuse and mommy bloggers, this dude is a breath of fresh air. He gives insight into what it's like to be a freaking gentleman. How long has it been since you have spent some time with a real gentlemen? Probably too long. My grandpa died when I was a kid and he was meaner than cat piss. I can only imagine what he would have blogged, but the Geezer blogs about the ten commandments of happiness (numbers 4 & 10 are hardest for me), being a caring person, having values, respecting others.

I know that there are ladies and gentlemen out there over the age of sixty who are in tune with the internet, but frankly, they are few and far between. It takes a special kind of person to get with the technology and launch himself headfirst into the web. Kudos to you, Big Guy, keep writing.

Geeze-baby, here are my helpful hints for you:

  1. Pick some colors, man. The white makes me think of my Gramma's old Frigidaire, but maybe it's a personal statement. Either way, I can't count it against you, because my own husband once wore five different shades of red out in broad daylight, so I know not all men are great fashion guru's. Here's a hint, ask a gay man or a woman to punch it up for you.
  2. Right below your photo, your "Who is the Geezer" link is off to the right and the line cuts off in Firefox. Try downloading Mozilla Firefox and check your blog in each browser when you make changes. Many internet users are hooked on Firefox because it is just hands down better than Explorer. A lot of sites look great in either Firefox or Explorer, but sometimes there are little things that just don't jive and then your site looks all funky. Best to double-check. I wrote a short story once and it looked great in Firefox, but was riddled with HTLM code errors in Explorer, best to be safe.
  3. Your "Subscribe to the Geezer" button does not link into a subscription. It just loads a new front page.
  4. I typically don't like three pane blogs, but since you have thrown all the ads off to the far right, I can go with it. They're easy to ignore. You're saving for your retirement, so you go ahead and keep raking it in with the ads, with my blessing. Although with your Exxon stock, who needs ads?
  5. I see that you assign categories. Some of your categories are redundant. The How To Spot a Geezer post is assigned as geezer, manners, morals, old guy and old-fashioned. While I agree that it does fit all of those terms, each of those categories has only that one post. Try to pare it down. As time goes by you will fill up the categories, but try to remember that as your blog grows, your category list will grow like a tree and it will be harder and harder to prune it back. Stick to a single term that covers it, you can use more than one word in a category, for example: 'old-fashioned morals and manners'. That way you get descriptive without having people click all over the place only to come back to the same post.
  6. Last, but not least, I like what you write. You tend to copy and paste a lot of stuff from the web and then comment on it. I find that your own words resonate more with me than that other stuff. If you find you are getting more feedback on your own stuff, wean off of importing news. You have it inside you already. Just let it out. Talk about you.
He needs more hits folks, so amble by and take a pick out of the category cloud.

I am proud to be this Geezer's very first subscriber.


  1. #2 you're wrong, looks good in my firefox browser.

    Can I say that I fucking love this one. I'm sucked in and busy reading now.

    I'm a horrible reviewer, I love everyone.

    Oh, I do have three columns though...

  2. Is there a cutoff point for nonsense reviews? After, like, 17 wildly out of touch reviews, can we not just fire Mutha and Father Gene?

    This old bastard is getting to the last leg of his three-act-show, and he's rambling about pensions and lazily commenting on news he found online. Are we really supposed to be impressed?

    If I get to his age, and the only thing I have to talk about is the daily news fed to my email inbox, I'd pull the fuckin trigger.

    His design is trash, his content is garbage, and she gives him three stars. Fucking nonsense.

    ~ Driz

  3. I think he is adorable. Driz, show some respect, he's likely lived a more interesting life than your imaginary one and he's probably cleaner.

  4. My grandmother's are around this age and have absolutely no clue what a blog even is, so I give him props for that.

    I like his writing, but I wish he would do more of it. I have to agree that a lot of what is there is copied and pasted. I think it would be better if he read the story and then just told us about it, rather than copying it word for word.

    Overall though, I think it has potential.

  5. I actually know quite a few seniors who are internet educated.

    I really wanted to like this blog. I think I'd like the guy, but the blog just isn't my type. I think he's probably doing with it exactly what he wants, and that's great. That's what blogging is all about, in my opinion.

    I think he hit every quirk that drives me ape-shit, though. I hate 3 columns, I despise "read more" links, and the blog isn't nearly personal enough for me. I don't want to know everything about everyone. That's not it. I just like personal stories. I like blogs that are both entertaining and personal. This one just isn't. I know at his age he's gotta have some great stuff to say! He needs to stop posting other people's words/articles and say more of his own!

    You can tell he's intelligent, and if you like that kind of blog, I think it's put together well. He might be hitting exactly what he wanted in a blog. Yet again, it feels more like a website than a blog to me.

  6. Angel, that's the thing exactly. None of use will see everything the same, so something that resonates with one of us, will be utter garbage to someone else. It's all a matter of taste.

    This is why I nearly left reviewing altogether. I felt, how can I judge others when I do some of the things that I urge others not to do. But when it comes down to it, I love to do it, so, do as I say, not as I do.

    I would love to see him with a kick ass template, but although his is homely, it is a heck of a lot more than most people his age are capable of and I love that he's contributing. I have spent years teaching seniors how to use their computers and I can say that a lot of them are not functioning at this level. A lot of them can't even double click. I am impressed.

    Can you imagine Miss Jane Pitman writing a blog? Man, I wish we could have seen that. Here's another one that I just love:

    The template is so/so, but the lady (?) is so damned funny from time to time. I don't even like the whole religion thing, but the zingers that she puts in keeps me coming back.

    That's amore.

  7. I think I've just figured out how to get a great review here: say you're a senior citizen and they'll be falling over themselves with praise. I know a lot of seniors who are extremely computer literate and would have no trouble selecting a nicer generic template than this guy uses (they don't have to know how to create a style sheet). I know plenty of seniors who write better, have more to say and wouldn't just copy and paste news stories. I can't help but believe this guy would have gotten a much less favorable review if he had been 35. So here's a useful tip everyone: say you're 70 and they'll love you.

  8. Amen, Mary.

    Let's start celebrating the retards and the children - if they can slap a blog together and fill it full of links to someone else's content, they deserve a gold star.

    Queen Mutha undermines the integrity of the review crew. Shit can the bitch.

    ~ Driz

  9. I find geezer dry and slightly preachy. Does his age give him the right? He hasn't told me anything new, just reiterates the same things I hear from everyone else. Seems like an okay guy, but it's boring.

  10. The more I think about this review in relation to others on this site, it's actually condescending. "It may not be a 3 star blog but he's old and old people aren't smart enough or knowledgeable enough to do even this much so isn't he amazing!"

    All the people I work with and are friends with who are over 65 would be offended. Maybe the people you teach have trouble with right clicking but I assure you in this day and age the percentage of seniors who have that much trouble with technology is getting smaller and smaller every day. They don't need to be coddled and told how amazing they are if they're able to string a few sentences together. Everyone should be reviewed against the same standards and if they're not what's really the point.

    It's not that I think his blog is crap. Is it a 3 star blog? Not even close. And I say all this in hopes to not be lumped together with someone who's even more offensive. drizitche, there's no need to go where you took it.

  11. While I enjoyed reading many of his posts, and he writes well, I would find it more interesting if he added stories about his life.

  12. You know what, I don't believe he's an old dude.

    I think he's a tech savvy normal fella working a way into a market.

    I reckon you've been 'ad by the geezer Mutha.

  13. Mary is absolutely right; fuck the elderly and the blacks. We can't tolerate these dumbfucks and darkies any longer.

    Amen sista. You tell em.

    ~ Driz

  14. Thanks, drizitche, for making it clear that you're not worth anyone's time and I won't have to waste another moment on you. I know the internet wouldn't be the internet without the occasional idiot and it always helps when they make themselves known so clearly.

  15. I have 4 sets of parents - ages 60-66 who own a business and just bought the newest Mac, and ages 67-80 who are visiting today. We're going horseback riding, kayaking, and river tubing.

    I don't buy into this senior geriatric bit for one second. He is aging himself by 30 years - no 60 year old I know talks like this.

    Based on his intro and About info I'd like to like him. I wish he would post about his life. It's feels like more of a website than a blog. It seems that every post is one of those email forwards we get - about friendship and patriotism and puppies.

    It's like reading one big online collection of puppy forwards.

    I wish he'd act his age (what are you, 90??) and write about his life.

  16. The geezer closest to me -- my dad, age 66 -- can't use his computer to save his life, but carries a condom in his wallet. Oh, if only he could blog. Or type.

    Geezer, though? Um. The blog is fine. I hate the ads, and I feel like most of the posts are more websitey than bloggy. Like Angel said, there's not a lot of personal exposition here. Also, I feel like he's selling something. I'm not sure what, but something.

  17. Exactly, this dude is selling something.

    It's a faux wrinkly visage.

  18. Ohmygod Driz totally has rabid lesbian woodticks crawling out of his ass. Anybody else see that?

  19. Not that there's anything wrong with lesbians....

  20. It's possible he's a young person of any sex, for that matter, I might be an old man or a little girl. Who really knows or cares? I liked his posts, the real ones that spoke from his/her heart.

    All I know is this, I call them as I see them and Drippy, if I had reviewed your site, you would have been pleased, I would have ripped you up and down. Why? Just because I guess I don't like you much. I would have found shit to hate about it.

    Plus, you picked on retards and I happen to have one of those, he's my son. And he has a blog. I am sure you'd hate it.

    Your expression of criticism has been deeply appreciated, fuck you very much.

  21. Surprise Surprise! If you go to a free review website that tells you right upfront that you aren't getting reviewed by professionals, and that you're likely to get torn apart, do you really think their personal opinions aren't going to come into play?

    Of course they're going to use personal opinions to influence their reviews! Why wouldn't they? If they only stated the black and white side of a review, they wouldn't get ten people a week to submit one, forget reading the site!

    If you come here, read this site, and still submit your blog filled with fanatical religious rhetoric, I'm going to enjoy watching you get your ass ripped out. If you look over the site and still submit your emo poetry filled moanings, I'm gonna giggle through your entire review.

    If you don't KNOW that's gonna get you made fun of here, raise your hand.

    If you submit a blog with some nice sexual innuendo and witty sarcasm, you might get a pass on one or two things you're doing wrong. Oh, and apparently they have a soft spot for seniors trying to make it in the blog world. Big freaking deal.

    Reviewers' personal opinions are what make this blog as fun as it is. (as well as the comments which are also personal opinion, by the way) Of course you're going to get that, but mixed in with that they always give you the technical advice and support you need to better your blog for the public in general. Even if your blog is made up of something they hate, if it's a kick ass blog technically, they give you the praise you deserve for it. (mostly)

    Mutha, I'd LOVE to read a Jane Pitman blog!! I went to the one you linked, too. You're right. She's hilarious at times!

  22. Understood. They can give harsh critiques but can't take even mild criticism. Got it. Thanks for the clarification.

  23. Actually, Mary, they take it just fine. I don't see that they've said anything about it. I'm not a reviewer. I think I was the only one "not taking" it.

    It isn't even that I don't see what you meant. I was just saying that if you want a sterile straight forward review, you have to know this isn't the place to submit. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but to me this site seems more emotional, personal, and about entertainment than that. That's why I would expect to have their personal feelings come into play on a review.

  24. I guess what bugged me was Driz's "review" of the site was as one-sided as he accused me of being.

    The thing is this, do we just have a check list for what makes a good blog, follow that and assign points, like a rubric? Or do we go with the gut?

    Assignments are handed out and we do the best that we can. I don't have a rubric. What I try to do is to make constructive comments to help build a site up, unless it's completely annoying, then I feel free to just rip it up.

    I think that people like it more when we draw some blood, and I have had two goody-two-shoes reviews in a row. Frankly, I would enjoy a good blood letting, but I have to go with the roll of the dice.

    You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    The thing is, I just found that this blog reminded me a lot of going into a second hand shop run by a mom and pop and having a little chat with Pop.

    Or maybe that's what I wanted it to be. Either way, the words I wrote were free, people can take them or leave them. It's all just electrons in cyberspace, so there's not a lot to get all upset about.

  25. I'm not someone who believes in ripping a blog apart just for the fun of it or because I can. And I also don't prefer reviews that tear people apart. There have been a lot of times I've disagreed with someone's opinion here. The difference for me was although I didn't agree, the person's opinion seemed to be based on something other than who the individual blogger was and more on what was on the page.

    I never thought there was a checklist or a spreadsheet and special tabulations that people use when reviewing blogs. But when I look at the reviews a person has posted on the whole there has been some consistency in what was considered good and bad. I personally don't think the last blog you reviewed was of less quality than this one, and based on your statement that we should cut him slack because he's a senior implied to me that the only reason he got this rating was because he was 60 years old. And that's fine, but because that brings up one of my biggest personal pet peeves I felt compelled to stop lurking and say something.

    I don't want anything I do or say to be given a pass just because I happen to be a woman or middle aged or any number of things I can't control or change. In this world too many people believe I will only achieve things because someone decided to cut me some slack because they assume I'm not capable because of my sex or ethnicity or whatever, so I bristle when it looks like someone is doing that to others. If you say his age had nothing to do with it then that's fine. The review seemed to say otherwise to me, and I can accept that my personal viewpoint may have colored how I read it. I believe it's back to lurking for me, but thank you for clarifying what you were saying in your review.

  26. I see I jet off to Boston for a few days, and all hell breaks loose.

    Driz: If and when we need input in selecting reviewers, we'll let you know. Until then, if you don't like who's reviewing, feel free to read another blog. You have no ownership here, and are reading this one by choice. You can choose otherwise, and I'm not sure how much you'd be missed.

    Maggy: Welcome back!

    Mary: ...and we should give a shit, why? We review how we want to review, and we don't need tips on it. I've never yet suggested that a reviewer change his/her perspective. If you like it? Great. If not? Feel free to suck a bag of dicks.

    Everyone else: Missed you. Seems it was a good week, blogwise. Be back very soon.

  27. Oh, regarding the Geezer:

    The content is fucking boring. Who exactly is he writing for? And, why? I hate reposts of other people's content, and I can't tell the difference between what the Geezer has written and what he's borrowed from elsewhere.

    I think he needs to do a little more creation and personalization of his content for me to consider reading this. Clearly, he has a dry sense of humor, but much of his content fails to use ths advantage.

    So, my advice, Geezer, is that at present, your content falls into the flaming finger range for me. I would really prefer to see a blog with a more PERSONAL voice, rather than a journalistic voice. Don't you have any good stories you can tell or something?

    If not, get out there and live some. Then, blog about it.

  28. One more thing: I loved the post on how to spot a geezer. LOVED IT.

  29. "Mary: ...and we should give a shit, why? We review how we want to review, and we don't need tips on it. I've never yet suggested that a reviewer change his/her perspective. If you like it? Great. If not? Feel free to suck a bag of dicks."

    See, I knew I had it right the first time. They can give harsh critiques but can't take even mild criticism. Understood. Thanks for confirming what I suspected was true in the first place.

  30. Wow - this was incredibly entertaining, if only it didn't appear so many people were upset by it. I'm a little worried about what it says about me that I thought Driz was funny as hell. I was completely confused when people started sounding upset . . . the rips are usually the norm here. What the hell happened? This must be how my husband feels when my period is due & instead of fun I'm suddenly sensitive and gross . . .

  31. ~~~See, I knew I had it right the first time. They can give harsh critiques but can't take even mild criticism. Understood. Thanks for confirming what I suspected was true in the first place.~~~

    Your reasoning is suspect for a variety of reasons, not least of which you've engaged in a false dichotomy here. First off, we provide, UPON REQUEST, blog critiques. That means that someone thought enough of our opinion to allow us to rip them to shreds.

    But who in the fuck are you, Mary? You're essentially an anonymous commenter who's suddenly decided that her opinion has weight. And my comment to you is that they don't.

    Well, they weigh about the same as Driz's do...which is that I tend to treat them as opportunities for humor. Nothing more, nothing less.

    Now, run along little holier-than-thou offended troll. And, don't forget your bag o dicks.

  32. Just checking in again ... Pamelaj, I can't speak for others, but I have to say the funny went south when Driz had to bring his commentary to a whole new level of ugly. Not just in this thread, but in a couple of others, too. Of course, I'm sure my take doesn't much count, as I am one of the 'darkies' he rails against (another lovely moment for me, to click over and find some self-important hipster slinging racial epithets around and thinking that makes him sound cool or funny or clever).

  33. Driz certainly has a way with words. They are sharpened like arrows and intended to be incendiary, and he's good at it. Too bad he has nothing to say. Pathos without substance.

    Girlgriot, I don't think he was actually deriding either the elderly or African-Americans, he was trying to get a rise out of Mary by assigning to her an opinion she didn't share.

    If he's so intent on getting people to think or react, he needs to find a more important forum than a blog review site.

  34. Or he could just go fuck himself.

    That would probably work just as well.

  35. If Driz COULD fuck himself, that might relieve a lot of his bitterness. I think the main reason he's so angry at women is that he's not getting any.

  36. Maybe one of us could offer a gratis reach-around so he could lighten the fuck up.

    Or Mary could come at him with her big bag of dicks.

  37. If I were Mary, I'd keep my bag 'o dicks far, far away from Driz. I can sense, even through the internets, that there's a boy who loves him some cock.

  38. Then Driz and I have more in common that I thought at first glance.

  39. I think there are more than a couple of cock-loving sluts in these parts.

  40. I'm quite fond of my own too...

  41. My part is a cock-loving slut.

  42. and here I am, a slut loving cock, fate?

  43. I think you fit here just perfectly, X. WE are all, for the most part, just a buncha cock-loving sluts.

  44. You guys do know that I have to hide this blog from anyone who knows me from church, right? God.

  45. And yet, you're still here, and you fit in just fine.

    SINNER! ;)

  46. You know people who go to church?

    Oh, my...

  47. Queen Mutha goes. Hell in a handbasket, NJ, hell in a handbasket.


Grow a pair.