Sunday, August 10, 2008

Instead of reviewing you, I should be doing dishes/mowing the lawn/sweeping the kitchen floor/doing laundry/watching Dexter

Dear Manager Mom:

You knew I had a weakness for Surenos gang members, didn't you? Did you pick your header image just for me? Truthfully, the Photo Shopping is a little bit blurry. I probably have a picture in the box of gang paraphernalia under my desk that could be edited to be slightly better. But I kind of love your sloppy Photo Shop jobs. They are hilarious. And your kids are just as funny. "I tried salami today and rated it a 2?" Genius.

Okay, so here it goes:

Stuff I love

Almost everything. To be more specific:

1. Sentences like this: "I have never met a run-on sentence I didn't like."

Or this: (As a sidenote, what in holy hell is HEADCHEESE? I thought it was the byproduct of a venereal disease, not something that anybody actually considered EATING).

2. Pictures like this.

3. Gear for love. Also, knowing your limits.

Lesson for others: If the choice is between posting solid (preferably, hilarious) posts less often, or posting crap more often, choose the former.

4. Lists can be funny, but some people should not EVER make lists. And, you know who you are.

5. Mealtimes with your family (which make me feel normal, because they sound EXACTLY like mealtimes with my kids).

Here's what I don't love:

1. The expandable posts that open in an entirely new window. FUCKING HELL. By the end of this review, I had 753 separate windows open, and my computer was yelling obscenities at me.

Stop that. Take out the target="_blank" from your expandable post link and figure out a way to only do expandable post summaries when ABSOLUTELY necessary, not every fucking post. It takes some smarts, but you are a highly trained professional, and I'm sure you can do it.

2. The fact that when I click on a single post, AGAIN WITH THE GODDAMN SEPARATE WINDOWS. NO. Just, NO.

3. The tweetery summary feeds on your sidebar. Stop it. A single, solitary "follow me on twitter" link would suffice, if you must twitter.

4. The badges, button, and shit on the sidebar. Worst of all: Facebook? SERIOUSLY? You need to protect and cherish your anonymity, MM. Especially if you work for a F500 company. Stop with the references to your last name. BAD. This can come back and seriously bite you in the ass.

5. The archive list. Fine right now, but soon you will need a drop-down archive list, and I'd suggest sooner rather than later.

6. Your footer. Ugh. Knock it off.

I love what you're doing here, for the most part, but the expandable posts and separate windows need to go, post haste.

I give you with the promise of more if you clean these little annoyances up.




  1. I think I just shat a shit of relief.

    As you accurately judged from my photoshopping, I have the technical knowledge of a monkey.

    I'll find some teenage labor to exploit to help me figure out the expandable post thing.

    So thanks...and I'd love to host you and your family for dinner sometime. Boston Market or Dominos, your pick.

    Headcheese optional.

  2. Dude. Dexter comes back @ the end of next month. I'm so fucking excited!

  3. Review, reschmooo. You know how some people like to do it to Barry White? I do it to the Dexter soundtrack.

    I knew I liked you, LB.

    Oh, wait, what?

  4. On a side note: Her photoshop jobs have always cracked me the hell up.

  5. I didn't like it much. I ended up snowblind from the template and it reads like she's trying too hard to be witty.

    Not horrible, but not my cup of rotgut.

  6. Manager Mom is one of my new favorite blogs - she's got a great sense of humor.

    She's been publicly outed in the New York Times, so it might not be necessary to fear for her privacy, though!

  7. First off, I LOVE white. I love white space. I wish more bloggers went with clean, beautiful white templates, instead of dog poop colored templates.

    Secondly, she's already followed some advice. YAH.

  8. I like her. The photoshops just crack my shit up.

    And I enjoy having my shit all cracked like that, apparently.


Grow a pair.