Okay, ya'll, I'm seriously starting to worry about Nutjobber. He hasn't been seen on his regular blog in a couple of weeks. Either he's gained legal employment, or he's laying in pieces in someone's freezer. Calamity is on a much-needed vacation with her mama. And, apparently, Bitter Mistress has developed tennis elbow or some such from using her right hand repetively (sure, sweetie, I believe you, it was "data entry" *cough*).Don't worry, fucking slackers, I'll pick up the pace. I know there are at least two more reviews in the hopper (including a much-deserved ass-reaming from the Mutha to be published tomorrow). So, don't despair. Much dark bitter goodness ahead, in spite of our short-comings.
Today, the victims are from Nuclear Family Warhead, who in spite of a two-week long advance warning, still wasn't able to pull things out of the suck.
Sorry, Dads. Not feeling the vibe. I had a vague hope you would be a gay couple, which might have added interest, or at least provided me with new window treatment ideas, but no. You're both straight. Meh.
Nuclear Family Warhead is written by two stay-at-home dads with waaaayyyy tooo much time on their hands. These guys are so bored that they've resorted to pillaging the dictionary for content. Sorry. Unless the big word is along the lines of cunnilingus or fornication, I'm not into it. I love words and all, but y'all don't even pick INTERESTING words. Efficacious, for god's sake? I consider and reject that word five times a day during writing for my job because it's a big word for the sake of a big word. No one with any sense uses that word. Effective is a far better word for the same context, and it sounds much less like you're a wanker when you say it.
It doesn't improve from there. We've got "Daddy Goes Back to Work." Yeah, been there, done that in 1993. We've got "Whee! It's my 100th Post! Oh, wait! It's only my 97th Post, but why stop just because I can't fucking count?" We've got "Shopping With the Kids." I do this every week at least a couple of times with my kids, do you think it is any less boring just because you both have penises? We've got "dead squirrel." What is it with men and dead shit?
Dudes...you've taken a shitty genre that I despise (mommy-blogging) and you've made it less interesting and more mundane. If you showed penis and moobie shots, maybe that would help. But there is nothing nuclear about this blog. It's boring. It's soulless. It has at least 6 times as many words in each post as are required for the subject. It isn't funny. And your photoshopping is pathetic. This blog may be my new replacement for Lunesta.
Your template isn't horrid, but your content is worse than watching 7 hours of Maury Povitch and eating junk food on a rainy day (actually, that would be preferable to me). It's all filler, no heart.
Either get a life, and start writing about it, or give it the fuck up. This shit makes my life sound like a fucking circus with clowns and popcorn.
I'm happy you waited so graciously for your review, without complaint, but I'm giving you a flaming finger because in spite of having notice that we were coming around your parts, you did nothing to improve.
I have to say, I am honestly totally shocked. I love NukeDad. I think I was one of his first readers. He is one of the only blogs I keep pushing my husband to read.
ReplyDeleteMaybe that just means I have a lame sense of humour, but did you read his Fathers Day Post? It made me cry, and not in that I'm-Going-To-Say-I'm-Crying-In-Your-Comments-Because-You-Tried way. In the real, tears down my cheek, sort of way.
And the potato post? Okay, maybe a 600 word post about a potato isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it cracked me the hell up. I like crack smokers, what can I say?
Anyway, hugs and kisses and all that ridiculous 12 year old crap, but though I agree with you 99.99% of the time, LB, this time I don't.
And now, I duck.
Ouch.
ReplyDeleteThat was harsh I reckon.
There are worse out there that have fared better.
A bit of guidance a little subtler than a sledge hammer might have helped too.
I had no idea this was written by two guys, I don't think I've ever noticed a non Nukedad post.
For all the slamming, I think it's fair to show a good side.
HERE
Mr Lady - Snap, now get 'em off...
ReplyDeleteX: Don't be all jealous. I still throb for you, too.
ReplyDeleteOkay...the father's day post is nice. The potato is more of the same. Did. Not. Like.
ReplyDeleteYour mileage may vary.
One heart-throbbing post in a year of crap does not a good blogger make.
...I think that bludgeoned puppy is still breathing LB, another kick?
ReplyDeleteI think I've said my piece, thanks. As stated, your mileage might vary.
ReplyDeleteLB: You are right. But I have a weak spot for dads and their blogs. I'm a whore; I'll admit it.
ReplyDeletep.s. No need to duck, I don't hate on people who disagree with me.
ReplyDeleteFuck. I meant you are right in that one good post a year does not a good blogger make, in the general sense. I still dig him. But I don't think you have to.
ReplyDeleteAlso, these guys probably would have fared better if they hadn't come right after Manager Mom.
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, if you have not one single item of content out of 20 or so blogs you've written that interests me, I'm not going to keep drilling for diamonds in a dungheap.
The worst part is that I had high hopes for this blog. It was such a let-down. In another week, I'd have given them a meh, but not when they had 2 weeks to put something decent up.
I'm alive, though my computer is infested with so many bugs that it makes the aphids in A Scanner Darkly look like a couple of flecks of dirt.
ReplyDeleteObscure references aside, it looks like I'm going to be on the shelf for a couple of weeks while I sort this boooooooolshit out; it's a fucking miracle that I'm on the interweb at all right now.
If I can keep the connection as alive as I am, I'll be back and shitting on everything that comes within a hairsbreadth of me because I have something like six-weeks of vitriol to dispose of.
With relish.
I'm so glad you're still alive! You know, that's what you get for hanging out on skanky sites. Do they have the computer equivalent of penicillin shots for that sort of thing?
ReplyDelete"Sorry, dudes, my computer done got the clap!"
At the risk of indulging in poor taste, my computer has AIDS & a spear sticking out of its heart.
ReplyDeleteAfter spending many mind-numbing hours on my victim, I didn't have a brain cell to invest on the Dads. Ass ripping is exhausting. As for the potato, turn it into a dildo and maybe I will be interested. It's been a long week.
ReplyDeleteI adore how Nutjobber shows up as soon as two reviews go up.
ReplyDeleteWorkshy bastard.
I think the better term would be "workloathe"...
ReplyDeleteAss ripping is exhausting.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? I find it rather exhilerating. As long as I'm the ripper, and not the rippee.
These guys were waaaaaayy more entertaining than like, nearly every single blog in the last two weeks.
ReplyDelete"best writer on the internet."
ReplyDelete"biggest drunk in Chicago."
guilty.
ReplyDeleteYou have got to be fucking kidding me. I have to wait 2 weeks to get reamed because you're on the rag and nobody will help poor little Love Bites do any reviews? You dust through the first 8 posts and render your "expert" opinion based soley on those? Oh, I stand corrected, you actually clicked through to the second page.
ReplyDeleteLook, Criticism I can take, but hypocrisy I can't. You're bent out of shape because we had 2 weeks to "clean shit up", yet you gloss over the fact that the reason it was 2 weeks is because you couldn't get off of your ass to do it.
It's obvious you would never have liked my blog anyway, which is fine, but do your next submitee a favor and leave whatever personal shit you're dealing with at home. Whatever pissed you off; it wasn't all me.
Thanks for all of the suggestions. Next time maybe you can do an actual review rather than write a manifesto to every guy who ever fucked you over. You are way more objective than this, LB, at least you have been.
Thanks Mr. Lady, Xbox and Rassles for bringing objectivity to the table. Somebody had to.
And I see that someone left his big boy panties at home.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can borrow one of your kids' pull-ups, asswipe.
I'd never SEEN your blog before two weeks ago. I read for a solid 30 minutes, and was bored out of my gourd the entire time.
I freely admit: it's not for me, others may enjoy it.
But grow the fuck up. You aren't owed a review, you aren't owed being liked, and you sure as hell aren't owed flattery.
You asked for a review. That means that we, if we see fit, will provide you with one ON OUR TIME SCHEDULE, not yours.
I didn't like your blog. I found it boring and mundane. I don't find men who stay at home any more interesting than women who stay at home. Your posts ramble like a road in the mojave desert.
You write about fucking potatoes, for god's sake. How much belly button lint would have to accumulate in someone's world for them to find a potato interesting?
Jesus Christ. You are, without question, the biggest whiner I have yet to encounter here.
Lots of people have waited a lot longer than two weeks for reviews. There's a line and you wait your turn. Didn't you learn that in Kindergarten? And don't climb up the slide, use the ladder.
ReplyDeleteI waited two weeks for my review (actually, it was like, two months). You know what I did with that time? I checked out what the reviewers liked and disliked, and did some editing. When my review was due, I made sure I had one of my "top picks" up front. I read some of nuke dads favorites, and was bored limp. I'm sure it appeals to some - but it has no edge. I'd as soon watch paint dry.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure where to come down on this one. I do like the genre, when well done - see Sweet Juniper, Busy Dad Blogs, etc. - and this site has some good work on it. The narcissism doesn't work - "Nukedad" (TM) as a franchise because he doesn't have the chops. But LB, it's nowhere near as bad as you make it out to be. I tend to agree with you on these things, but I've got to stand in opposition on this one. I'd come back and read more if he cleaned things up a bit, got a little more humble and just fucking wrote.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I don't like:
ReplyDeleteThe site jangles with stupid mocked up photos which belabor the point that they are trying to make.
The front page has TEN fucking posts on it, there are widgets, gadgets, banners, crap EVERYWHERE and all with no cohesion or design at all.
The owners are obviously in love with the sound of their own internal monologue and do not edit their writing well.
Bullshit. Crap. Rating deserved.
You get my stamp of approval, BiteMeister.
Unlike the rest of you, I don't have a pre-existing relationship with these bloggers, so I went into their blog cold.
ReplyDeleteNow, if Nuke Dad has spent even 2 minutes on our site, he knows we are hell on mommy bloggers. HELL. So, why would we have a different standard for daddy bloggers?
In my opinion, the content on this blog was less interesting than ANY mommyblog I've read in the last year. ANY. Let that sink in. ANY. I don't know these guys from adam, and I don't give a shit who they are, or what your relationship with them is.
Our big thing here is writing. People who actually choose their words carefully and write their asses off will do well here. People who post stupid memes (whatever they are), and write about goddamn dead squirrels and potatoes can almost always expect an ass-reaming.
Did. not. like.
What do you get from us? You get our truthful opinion.
Some people can handle that, some can't. Glamourpuss and others who've been reamed here have their fans as well.
In my opinion, Glamourpuss writes better than these guys.
I'm not going to dance around that, or pretend to be nice when I think it's crap.
From my view, it's crap. If you like it, great. I hear crap makes great compost.
Shovel away.
Beyond that, they should have been reamed purely for that godawful clusterfuck of a sidebar. FFS, they should suck a bag of cocks for that atrocity, if nothing else.
ReplyDeleteAll I know is I'm glad you took over for me on this one because I could not have delivered any sort of cogent review. At all.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do think I liked it more than you did, in the 12.2 seconds I browsed before deciding that I'd hit the wall and in good conscience could not continue (through no fault of the internets).