Friday, October 31, 2008

Whips, Spurs and Assorted Horseplay

I tossed around a few different titles for this review. For instance, Back in the Saddle Again, and Git Along Little Doggies, or the Tumbling Tumbleweeds. I finally settled on the above because I thought it might lead to some interesting Google hits and was titillating enough for the miscreants lurking around these parts.

Mongoliangirl is a feisty farm girl, living her dream with her better half and more animals than I can count. She's in recovery, so as our resident lush (DirtyPirateHooker) likes to say, "She's one of those people." Much like her horses, she also comes from good stock which makes for a pretty interesting back story.

Mongoliangirl, you remind me a little of another feisty farm girl, and that is a compliment of the highest order.

Let me lay it on the line as far as the writing goes. It's nowhere near perfect and you'd definitely benefit from a little ruthless editing. However my dear, you have the trump card of the blogosphere that forgives every spelling error or grammar snafu, you have voice. Your writing clearly reflects who you are. You are thoughtful, funny, quirky, and vocal. You are slightly odd, grateful, and you overshare in sometimes gross, but always likeable, ways.

You also have some great friends, and yes, we sit firmly at the top of your blogroll, but I would have given you a bare back spanking on that ample saddle of yours had you deserved it. So, all of you ne're-do-wells who think we play favorites around here can kiss my Appaloosa. You have varied subject matter, you post regularly and you don't play it safe. This particular cowgirl gets it.

I sincerely abhor your header but to be fair, I am planted firmly in the anti-purple camp. Your header would have more visual impact if the image is at the top with your cusp verbiage beneath it. Better yet, scrap your header and start over. Show a picture of the splendor you live among, show some of your menagerie. Consider an interchangeable header image that reflects you better, your blog deserves it. Check out some of the design links here and get yourself a prettier pony or download a basic Wordpress template that allows you to load your own image. Otherwise, the template is clean and uncluttered with good use of tabs. Miss Missives is not a fan of continuing posts, I think in the process of clicking to read more, you lose the flow and continuity of a good story, so I'd eliminate that.

With my bridle and whip firmly in hand, here is what you need to work on. You know how we shun the little emo twentysomethings and their limitless capacity for angst and self reflection? Well, you have lived and learned and you've earned the right to navel gaze. I challenge you to at least once a month, pick something you are afraid to write about and write about it anyway. I think you have stories to tell that you're not telling. What happened on that small cliff in Greece? Who was Mongoliangirl? What's recovery like? You also need to vary the length of your posts. It's okay to have lengthy posts if they're interesting, however, some shorter posts break it up and make the longer ones more palatable. You, like most everyone else need to edit, edit, edit. I know you are a thrifty girl so think of words like money, only spend as much as you need. You are funny and poignant and editing to the meat of your stories will make you even better and more delicious.

You may not be able to let others always have their good juju but here's yours:

(with a promise of more if you dig deeper).


  1. I love beef curtain's blog, but agree about having to click to read more. It's irritating.

    Very good review. Is it wrong that I'm not offended by being called 'the resident lush'? I certainly played the part last night. No more weeknight drinking for me. Except today. We're having a BBQ at work, and we have 3 cases of beer to go through, and only 5 people to drink it.

  2. FF, I don't think it will come as any real shock to you that my mind works oddly, so let me try and explain the beef curtain reference.

    Mongolian girl is her name, right? That reminds me of mongolian beef. Beef makes me thing of beef curtain (urban dictionary it if you don't know what that is) and that's what I started calling her. Mongolian girl was too hard for me to type apparently.


  3. I'm feelin' all good about my juju. And your juju. And juju in general. Fuckin' A!
    First...thank you for telling me to edit. I'm totally lazy about it. It's true that sometimes when I re-read a post I realize what I really wanted to say is something like 5 paragraphs in.
    You totally pegged me (and no, I do not mean I will be your peg boy) when it comes to needing to write about some shit. You even pegged the EXACT things I've thought to write about, but pussed out on. (Do you live in my house? Or worse yet, my head?) In the spirit of doing just that: I admit I have a sad habit of thinking my 'voice' doesn't have as much worth as it actually does.
    I abhor my header as well. I made that shit up in the program I used to make our horse breeding business logo. Maybe this will get me off my ass to figure out a new one.
    As far as having even the most remote comparison to Doc's Sunrise Rants? I don't even believe I get to live on the same planet as her. I'm even afraid to comment on her blog. I could dry hump your leg and hers for that. I've got to stop writing about it right now or I might tear up.
    Thanks so much. Seriously. I needed and wanted the feedback.
    Oh, and since you didn't rip me a new one, my better half (Hellbilly) has promised to spank my ass later today.
    So thanks again!
    P.S. Hooker! The only reason you don't like having to click to read more is beacuse you're always busy using your hands to burn your twat with various and sundry vibrating items at work.
    P.S. Father Gene. If this comment was too long for you? Bite me. Oh, and you are absolutely perfect.

  4. I just looked it up. DPH oh my, that's all I have to say.

  5. Yeah. No shit FF. How'd you like to be called that every fuckin' day? Hooker is glad I love her.

  6. You love it beef curtain. Admit it.

    FF, aren't you glad I gave you such a loving name like wax nazi?

    Apparently I like to make up names for people. Leave me alone.

  7. No Hooker. I love YOU. The beef curtain thing? I couldn't...well...actually it's part of what makes me love you.
    So you may have a point.

  8. Miss Missives10/31/2008 2:15 PM

    No dry humping my leg dear, I have new tights on, the thanks is enough.

  9. The Hooker ALWAYS has a point. Just not when I'm high. Or drunk. So I take my original statement back. The Hooker has a point 25% of the time!

  10. Oh alright Miss Missives. I shall remain thankful. But would it help if I reminded you I said DRY humping?

  11. Mongo, nothing can help you. Not ever.

  12. Au contraire my dear Rassles. Seeing your smiling little face saying silly little things in comments sections helps me immensely.

  13. but this blog is so suck-y. as in yours. as in iwillfuckingripyouapart or tearyouapart or iwillshitonyourface or whatever it is called.

    the little pictures denoting what you think of other peoples'blogs suck. your writing sucks. i am being honest here. it really does.

    and people take you guys seriously?!



  14. Hi Anonymous! I love you so much you little thing you! good to see you're using one of your crusty eyeballs to peer through that crack you made in the door of the dark and fetid room you're alaways hiding in! It's a step! A tiny little step toward being able to use your big and important voice to say what you mean...and mean what you say! Proud! Of! You!
    Come on...come on now...let's have a big hug before you skitter back into the corner to lick your old wounds and ramble to your tiny and bitter self about how difficult everything is.

  15. Looks like someone came home empty-handed on Halloween and now they are bitter.

    I don't think anyone here minds dissenters but why are they so frequently anonymous? If you have something to say you should be willing to stand behind it. Ohterwise, you're just doing the equivalent of ding dong doorbell ditch-cowards.

  16. what would the internet be without anonymous?

  17. Don´t know if anyone will still be reading this this late.

    I love Mongoliangirl. I really like the way she uses dialogue in her stories, something that I hardly ever use, and I´m not sure why.

    On the other hand, I have to admit I sometimes let her posts accumulate in my reader due to their length. I´m a lazy mother fucker, what can I say. Then when I read them, I´m so glad I did, but I agree that she could be more concise at times.

  18. Uh yeah...Bluestreak? Here's some brief dialogue for you,
    "Smackdown bitch! Clean my toilet!"


Grow a pair.