Wednesday, January 21, 2009

It's crap and I hate it.

There are some things about womanhood that are better left unsaid. And manhood, too, for that matter. I mean, who wants to talk about smegma? Not me. But what I mean is, some of us hold onto misconceptions that paint us as the fairer sex, the less stinky sex. And that, to me, is just fine. Because I like that air of mystery. It covers up the smell.

But Fiona wants us to know that Girls Poop Too. Which, you know, obviously, but do we have to talk about it? I know, I've come over all delicate southern belle on y'all. Sometimes I can't help it. If she'd written a site called Girls Squirt Too, I'd have been all over it. But this is just... distasteful.

And so is the design. It's pink on brown. Those colors can work together, but not hot pink and doo-doo brown, like a cherry on a turd. I mean, I guess it illustrates her point, but aesthetically who would want to?

There are ads of the blinking variety, which just ratchets up the shit factor. Fiona, move your archives and categories to the top of the sidebar (nice work rolling them up, though), and get rid of the ads and the groups you've joined and the log in/register crap (or at least move that to the bottom). Good job on doing an About page, but you damn sure don't give us a lot to go on, do you? Hell, we don't even get your name there, or your age, or anything else of interest other than the story of how you came up with your blog title. I will say that the last paragraph of your About page was probably the most truthful and interesting of your blog.

I read through the entire blog, as I tend to do with all my reviews, and all I could glean is that Fiona is bitter and judgmental. Which I know is kind of pot-calling-kettle-blackish considering I'm judging her blog, but still. It's all just so angry. For 22 (which, by the way, I had to read for a thousand years before I discovered), she's got an awful lot of venom stored up and ready to spew. Dear heart, what happened? Has someone pissed in your Cheerios every day of your life?

Fiona writes about celebrities (yawn) and her political views (which I couldn't disagree with more, surprise surprise) and makeup and people who annoy her. Her coworkers are stupid and annoying, and Obama supporters are stupid and retarded and annoying, and her friends are stupid and boring and annoying, and everything is just crap and she hates it.

And she gets like one comment per post. Wonder why.

I liked this post; I cracked a smile. And I do agree with her on Nancy Grace. The woman is a menace. And the makeup suggestions were helpful because I am a girly girl. But otherwise? There just wasn't much here for me.

Girls Poop Too is exactly the kind of blog I can't get into: snarky without substance. We don't learn anything true or deep or appealing about Fiona. There's nothing here that makes me want to know her. It's all surface criticism and shit that bugs or amuses her. And for a journalism major, the writing is just not engrossing. Oh, she's got some zingers. And she mentions bukkake, which I kind of have to like. But the writing rambles and is inelegant and there's no attention paid to craft or execution or storytelling.

Fiona, I see where you want to go with this. I read a couple of the blogs you link to. But you're just not quite hitting it yet. There's too much trying to be funny and bitchy and not enough humanity or personality. I don't know you. And with what you're putting out there for us to read, why would I want to? If you're going to be a nasty piece of work, at least do it with style, put some effort into polishing up your writing. And if you're more than a bitchy little shit, then show us.

I could give you a flaming finger just because your attitude and your politics really chap my ass, but because I think I can see where this could go if you clean up your design, bring in some better colors, relieve the clutter, and polish up your writing, and because I'm feeling magnanimous and "hopeful" (sneer all you want, oh disaffected youth), you get:









Young Shirley: I hate the world. I hate everythin'. It's all garbage. It's last. It's crap and I hate it.
Old Shirley (V.O.): But I didn't really hate anything. The only thing I hated was me.
-- Shirley Valentine

38 comments:

  1. I can't read the word poop AND look at that shade of brown without actually being able to smell the shit.

    Appropriate.

    Love the S.V. quote.

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  2. Boy, if she thinks Obama's inexperienced, she should read about Grant's presidency...

    P.S. She sounds exactly like I did when I was 22, thank God I grew up...

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  3. Um, she likes Sarah Palin. I think. I can't take anyone seriously that seriously thinks Sarah Palin is qualified to do anything other than look sorta hot in business suits.

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  4. BB, my gag reflex was working overtime with this one.

    Aliecat: Hey stranger!! And yeah, I thought the same thing -- ah, youth.

    Ghost, she's qualified to freakin' hunt moose, man. And to bite me.

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  5. I don't like the word "poop."

    I said it. Yeah. It makes me uncomfortable. So does "caca." No idea why. I feel that it's just more dignified to say crap, shit, dump. Whatever. Fecal distribution. Butt mud. Clinkers. Pung.

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  6. I had an art teacher once who called us all little cacas. Nice, eh?

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  7. That girl needs a beating.

    Also, no one ON THE PLANET tried harder than me to like Sarah Palin, but ffs, as my mom (who is a hardcore republican) said, "it's just hard to deny at this point that she's not very smart."

    Wow. I was stunned when that popped out of her mouth at Christmas.

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  8. She's an evil robot sent from Russia.

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  9. Rass: does it really matter? I say both. Accept I would rather have learned about the whole girlpoop thing from Palin.

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  10. "Because I like that air of mystery. It covers up the smell."

    That's so good. I'm slow clapping in your general direction.

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  11. Ptd: I hope that's not another way of saying 'walking'.

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  12. I think it means: "fanning away the odor."

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  13. And Ghost, I was under the distinct impression that Palin was manufactured in Stepford, Connecticut.

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  14. Palin is a fembot that was created by Tina Fey and Lorne Michaels.

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  15. Silly girl, you can't see Russia from Connecticut.

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  16. Also, the Stepford Model wouldn't talk so much in front of men.

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  17. After what Biden's wife did on Oprah, I think it goes without saying that women shouldn't be allowed to speak publicly...


    And yes, I already feel my soul burning in hell for that crack.

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  18. I would let Tina Fey shit all over me. No questions asked.

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  19. BB: Bidens, male and female, should be seen not heard.

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  20. Ghost - of course you would.

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  21. PS. Ghost - Biden took so long being sworn in yesterday because it will be the last time he speaks publicly for the next 8 years.

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  22. I always thought Biden was a robot created by Tina Fey and Lorne Michaels. I think after all he has done this past year alone, his vocal chords will be removed to ensure that he never speaks publicly. Never ever.

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  23. OK, I read some of the newer posts and there's some kind of offensive shit on there (and I'm not easily offended). Who are these people and why can't we kill them?

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  24. I probably should have pulled out all sorts of flaming fingers, but I just couldn't. She should thank Obama and his magical messiah dust for her "meh."

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  25. I like to ignore people like Fiona. I have found that people like her would rather die than be ignored.

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  26. Great, now I have the voice of Glenn Close in my head...

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  27. Better than having the voice of Sarah Palin in your head, you betcha.

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  28. All I can say is the shit she reads is fantastic.

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  29. She's a bitchy dipshit and probably a bit of a racist. Whatever, pissed off that I gave her any kind of income by clicking over there.

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  30. Dude, I know, I can't believe Alaska put up with her antics.

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  31. I read...ok, ok I skimmed through. From what I gathered, I dont like her.
    I agree she is very mean spirited. And I may be wrong, but she sounds a bit racist. And I hate racist people more than I hate working out...and thats a whole fuckin lot.

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  32. Ok Calamity, there is just no way this blog is a meh. You must have been in a really good mood.

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  33. Florida Girl, I know. I'm telling you it's the messiah dust. I couldn't be mean yesterday if someone had stolen my vibrator and burned all the chocolate in the world.

    Although I am considering a takesies backsies today.

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  34. You should do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. I double dog dare you.

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  35. Um, that's really mature, change your rating based on a dare. Works for me.

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  36. Because we're all about maturity here.

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  37. Can you really be mature and talk about poo at the same time? That's right; I'm with Rassles. The word poop wigs me out. I'm ok with poo though. Poo is acceptable.

    And honestly? Any discussion of zealous politics makes me hate people in an epic sort of way.

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Grow a pair.