Thursday, February 19, 2009

He knows his claret from his beaujolais

I had so much hope.

An Aussie. Aussies are foul mouthed and direct, some are even clever. I was hoping this was a good 'un.

I saw the title "The discreet charm of the middleclass" and I smacked my lips, this could be really interesting.

I wondered would it be:
A) Quirky or
B) Eccentric or
C) Original

and of course, more fool me, I got D) None of the above.

The header is interesting enough, but all it does in the end is serve false hope that something equally eye catching or captivating will follow.

It just doesn't.

For the life of me I can't understand why self proclaimed 'humour' blogs think the only form of humour available to them is a commentary on which celebrities look like which farmyard animals, or a bad photoshop job with Mariah Carey and a penis.

How about some wit, or irony, or clever observation coupled with articulation?

Think about it, you people are intelligent enough to create a blog, write to, and maintain said blog, you surely are capable of even the slightest peer over the garden wall to see what else could be funny. Something, anything other than the done to death pie in the face.

I sat with your blog open before me for what must have been 2 hours, maybe 3, but my eyes just glazed over. I'd go read something else and come back, and again within moments I'd lost the will.

Picture, caption, dull commentary. New post. Picture, caption, dull commentary. Are you getting the picture(, caption, dull commentary) here folks?

This is where I'd normally show some examples of the good or bad, but every post is exactly the same, so pick one. Any one.

The best thing I can think of to say about this blog is that at least you don't post everyday and I escaped before some parts of my brain hadn't quite rotted.

In a desperate attempt to be somewhat constructive, I will say I admire the dedication you have to that serial, now it's not my taste, but I do recognise the appeal there. I say focus more there, tighten and improve that, or introduce it more into your blog. It shows that you have imagination which for some reason you exclude from the blog as a whole.

I've tried quite hard not to insult your feelings here, I just wish you'd do the same for our intelligence.





64 comments:

  1. And to think that some wanker with 'Pope' and '666' in his domain name would've tickled the Father's cojones.

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  2. Humor Blogs should die a slow, terrible, lingering death. They just never deliver.

    I did, however, find this guy's Mr T late night infomercial post amusing because I am a goddamn sucker for a Shamwow.

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  3. I just wasted two minutes of my life reading about Grizzlor's junk.

    Yup, that's about how the day is going to go.

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  4. All that was missing from that He-Man bit was a visit from Ken and his non-nads.

    Also? I could have done without Stokes and Grissom from CSI discussing buttsex, but maybe that's just me.

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  5. You and me both, Betsey. I feel the need to punch something right about now.

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  6. It's final. I fucking HATE the "humor blogs" blogs.

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  7. It is a bit like going to an Open Mike Night. You can anticipate some uneveness. At least. But every once in a while you'll come across some good stuff.

    Most of us here are Americans and are Constitutionally bound to have limited attention spans/memories, but I seem to recall that Muskrat and 15 Minute Lunch were well-reviewed here, despite being "humor blogs".

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  8. Apparently, in the future, we won't have much to laugh about. Look, I love talking anal, but that was the hokiest, most forced attempt at humor I think I have ever witnessed. I'm God, so I think I'm going to set that bush on fire. Who's got marshmallows?

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  9. And he did a He-Man post, without making fun of his Uggs and furry lederhosen. Missed opportunities, if you ask me. And how when Adam changes into He-Man he gets all tan.

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  10. Dear Doug:

    Some people should recognize their limitations and NEVER participate in open mic night.

    Love,

    LB

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  11. Because HeMan was manscaping before it was socially tolerated.

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  12. Like I said Monday: Triple Hardcore Suckfest.

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  13. Some of ya'll actually finished that He-Man post? I got to the "I'm Naked", realized there was another 150 lines of this crap, and gave up.
    Much more fun: in high school pep rallies, me and my buddies would analyze everyone in our class and how they'd be in bed. Ok mostly me.

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  14. Announcing you are humorous does not make you so. It makes you desperate to believe you are. Sad, really.

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  15. In other news, my privates are now public.

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  16. Dear Doug,

    There are exceptions to every rule. Like how there are two Indians who aren't emo, there are two Humor Bloggers who are funny.

    Sincerely,
    Rassles

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  17. I guess different people think different things are funny.

    For me, the most interesting thing was the picture of Nixon
    'relaxing' at the beach.

    I've never seen that shot before. He has the waistband quite high.

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  18. Maybe Doug is actually a displaced Indian.

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  19. Wow - that was one of the most unfunny things I've read in a long time. Wonder what his 'rank' is on humor-blogs.

    I see no humor here.

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  20. LB - Point taken. But you're more literate than I am, I bet. Who said "A man's reach should exceed his grasp" ?

    I'm willing to bet Mitch Hedberg and (insert your favorite stand up here) sucked for a while. I'm just glad no one told them to quit working at it and aim for night manager at Denny's instead.

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  21. Mitch never sucked, we all know that. Jesus.

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  22. I wish someone had told Bryan Adams to quit.

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  23. I wish Bryan Adams had murdered Celine Dion and then gotten the death penalty.

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  24. Crowley got the shits from biscotti, so I guess its possible, FF.

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  25. I gave up on that blog on Monday. Wait, was it Monday? Apparently it was so uneventful that I've forgotten.
    PS - GoK, yes you are God.

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  26. Is kangaroo hunting legal? I think it would be funny as hell shooting jumping marsupials. Especially that talking kangaroo from the movie some years ago.

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  27. public privates, Ghost? How interesting. What do ghostly privates look like? Or was that pubic and not public?

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  28. Mia: public. I hate pubic hair.

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  29. It's a good thing you got FF playing for your team, then.

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  30. Every couple should have their very own muffbuffer/wangwaxer.Dph and I scored: ours is hot.

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  31. Every couple should have their very own muffbuffer/wangwaxer.Dph and I scored: ours is hot.

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  32. Doug wroteth: I'm willing to bet Mitch Hedberg and (insert your favorite stand up here) sucked for a while. I'm just glad no one told them to quit working at it and aim for night manager at Denny's instead.

    True. On the other hand, humor shouldn't FEEL this hard. If it does, you're DOING. IT. WRONG.

    So, maybe less emphasis on bringing the funny, and more emphasis on bringing THE REAL.

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  33. Yes, humor shouldn't cause hemorrhoids.

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  34. Betsey called it: started off reading about naked Grizzlor and the day's gone downhilll since. Feh.

    The one shiny perk? Gok's gone public!

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  35. LB - Agreed. And in thinking about the Humor Blogs site the vast majority of the blogs really aren't funny.

    But saying there's only two that are? (Not you, Rassles). That's a bit harsh. Diesel at The Mattress Police has written some things that are as funny as anything I've read by Woody Allen or David Sedaris. I've already mentioned Muskrat and 15 Minute Lunch. The Acorn King had some good stuff, but unfortunately he's hardly writing anymore. Riding with Rickey can make me laugh about baseball, a subject I care less about than nun league rugby. Sure, he tends to write in the third person, but I think he's got some quality material.

    There are some that are "one trick ponies", like Crummy Church Signs and The Bad Ones Hurt Forever. But the commentary about poorly worded church signs or analysis of bad tattoos always makes me smile, if not laugh outright.

    Lastly, the last time I "wroteth" I had to ice down my nutsack for a week. Thanks for bringing back that memory.

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  36. Funny's like fucking: those who think they're good at it aren't, and those who are don't tell you about it beforehand.

    Y'know - Surprise! I'm an hilarious fuck machine!

    ("a" hilarious or "an" hilarious? You're a silent "h". No, you are. Shut up.)

    Hacky comedians should be kicked in the stupid. 8 times. By ill-mannered ginger-kids wearing golf-shoes. That'll fucking learn 'em.

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  37. Public much preferred to pubic. Muffbuffer sounds rather vigorous for the purpose.

    Perhaps Grizzor needs muffbuffing. Hard to distinguish gender with excessive curlies.

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  38. GoK and Ryan. Could always drop the "h". An 'emorrhoidal 'umor blog. Could throw in an accent for S&Gs.

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  39. Yeah, Mia, but then I'd 'ave ta say wuds lak 'guvnah and knickers, and I don't get down like that.

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  40. Fuck that. Knickers are damn sexy. Especially wit' an accen', luv.

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  41. Oh, well when you put it like that, I guess you're right. Sometimes I pretend like Kate Beckinsale is talking some really nasty shit to me. Now that, my friends, stretches my knickers.

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  42. There ya go. I knew you had it in you to appreciate an accent switch. Now if only the blog in question were as diverting.

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  43. I'm glad this blog sucks so hard. It brought out the honorable Ryan Lawson, and he rarely comes out of his foxhole.

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  44. The Honorable Ryan yet... hm. Them's big words. Why so honorable? Mr. Lawson, care to elaborate on your greatness?

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  45. Mia, he's way too humble for that. And I'm way too self absorbed to pay him any more compliments.

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  46. Not a problem. Just visited the noble one's blog. Most amusing. Might have to blogroll him among the others I've found here.

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  47. I miss my muffbuffer.

    I miss GoK's cock.

    I also missed the humor in this blog.

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  48. Your muffbuffer misses you to hooker.

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  49. FF: her next visit may require power tools.

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  50. Meh... expected as much.

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  51. Doug, not thwap my point around in reference to saying "two humor bloggers are funny," but sometimes I employ sarcasm.

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  52. Dear Rassles,

    I know things are sort of tough right now, but how about a raise? Oh, and maybe some bear claws in the break room every morning?

    Thanks,

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  53. And we'll talk about that raise later, when people can tell you're around.

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  54. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, BISCOTTI!

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  55. I couldn't even read that first post-- what was that?

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  56. For the record, Funny Church Signs is probably the ONLy humor blog listed on humorblogs.com that I find funny. I am NOT a fan of the blogs that Doug has listed.

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  57. I don't want to go to any group of sites that makes claims about humor unless Rassles is a part of it. Only then will I know it's legit. Too legit to quit, in fact.

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  58. Hopefully Rassles and Sarcasm can reach an agreement before the trade deadline.

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  59. She better pay Sarcasm whatever the hell he wants, because it's clear that Rassles could never function without him.

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  60. You may be right. It seems like my sarcasm is coming off more like anger, lately.

    I will have to do something about that.

    And did you notice how this comment completely lacks sarcastic tonage? So lame.

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  61. I feel ya on the sarcasm thing. for some reason, I am sounding like a pissed off twat ALL THE TIME right now.

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Grow a pair.