Thursday, February 26, 2009

If you don't feel like this,

please shut the fuck up.

I think somewhere in there, deep down, I have a loathing about being a "blogger" in the first place. Such that writing a blog, and having it called to my attention that I am the writer of a blog, just serves as a reminder of all the ways I have failed. My dreams, they are dead. This is the evidence.

I don't mean to give the impression that I think that blogging isn't legitimate writing. I understand that it can be. Lord knows, some of my blogs are mosaics, the imagined pottery of my soul painstakingly broken and pieced back together into something tangible and coherent. I work so hard at it. And despite the fact that I am never wholly happy with the product of my labors, I'm not completely embarrassed by it either. I knew since I was 8 years old that I had a disease. I knew that I was heartsick and the only medicine for that malaise was writing. Write, write, write. I just had to write. My thesaurus was my bible. I lived and breathed and drank and ate from that buffet of words. I bled the alphabet. Letters streaming out of every pore, every fiber. That is what it means to be a writer. To live by the words and wait impatiently for them to save you.


This should be canonized into bloggy scripture. So let it be written, so let it be done.

36 comments:

  1. Um, this isn't a review. Biscotti?

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  2. And a good morning to you too!

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  3. As I read, I kept wondering how I'd managed to miss that one of this week's reviewees could write like this. Good onya, Gwen. And thanks for sharing, LB.

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  4. Dread Biscotti Lord:

    I see this as a generalized critique of all of the blogs we've reviewed in the past 2 weeks.

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  5. Right, gotcha. I think the lack of sex is wreaking havoc on my sensibilities.

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  6. I've had some similar feelings, so perhaps I could be admitted to your club. Maybe on a double secret probationary basis?

    This essay on writing is a worthwhile read as well:

    http://www.netcharles.com/orwell/essays/whyiwrite.htm

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  7. I'm totally feeling sheepish about now. To get a compliment on something I wrote from Love Bites is a high honor. The next best thing would be a compliment from God...er Gok. But I won't hold my breath on that one. Thanks for the props!

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  8. Good call, Gwen, don't hold your breath. Nobody here wants to see that pretty little head of yours turn blue.

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  9. Ummm. I appreciate the sentiment. But couldn't it be expressed without all that emo angst?

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  10. ...says the Spockian INTJ.

    Emotions are so messy, aren't they? And they get schmutz all over you, too.

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  11. There are those who are into auto erotic asphyxiation, and don't mind the blue head thing.

    So I hear.

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  12. You know what I really love? When someone unfamiliar comments here, and I click on their user name, and discover something wonderful.

    And, yes this is a compliment. To both Gwen and Posolwhtevva.

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  13. I literally bleed the alphabet. It is very painful.

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  14. Doug: call me 'those'. I get the feeling though, that gwen isn't 'those'.

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  15. "Emotions are so messy, aren't they?"

    Messy isn't the problem. The problem is they're imprecise.

    Bah.

    Seriously though, there is a real and definitive line between emotion and drama.

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  16. Posol whatever's blog is quite good. It's funny because I never considered my writing to be "emo". I suppose some of it is, though, now that I stop and think about it. Oh well, it's not for everyone. Thanks for the feedback anyway. As far as the erotic asphyxiation: I'd try anything once. Don't underestimate me Gok.

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  17. Gwen -- A. I appreciate the compliment. B. I was only reacting to that one quote, not your blog as a whole (which I only just learned about today). The fact is, I agree with what you say, about your relationship with "blogging" and all, but I guess, as LB has indicated, I'm just a lot more "Spockian" about it.

    But when these damned work related meetings die down, I shall give your blog a real look see. Perhaps I misjudged you?

    And guys -- Posol'stvo... is it that hard? c'mon. Pronounced just like it's spelled.

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  18. Gwen: so you haven't tried it. That would make it very difficult for you to be 'into' that sort of behavior, now wouldn't it?

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  19. Yesterday I wrote about camper sex. It was profound. Or maybe not.

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  20. Gok - I should know better than to try and verbally spar with you.

    Posol - I do agree with you about the imprecision of emotion. It doesn't mean that we should never attempt to describe what we are feeling. If that is the only thing a writer does, then I might say they were "emo". On the other hand, if there is an absence of emotional content, I might find the writing bland and cold. There is certainly a balance to be struck, in my very humble opinion.

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  21. Well, Gwen, in short: yes you should know better. But, don't fret, parts of your post did give me a slight tingle 'down there'.

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  22. I think it is a personality thing. Many introverts naturally express themselves more logically, most extroverts emote all over everyone.

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  23. Gwen, you are totally emo and you know it. Not in a self-pity kind of way, but more in a "feels everything all the time and tries her damnedest to show her soul with lots and lots and lots of words" kind of way.

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  24. I understand that, because I feel a lot of stuff all the time. I don't know what it would be like to NOT feel stuff constantly, all the time, to an overwhelming degree. At times, i'd like to know what that might feel like, but will never have the opportunity.

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  25. I luuuuurrrrrve this writing of Gwen's. That emotional thing? When I read it I just the window because I was all pissed off. Because it is so true.

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  26. Emo? Me? I suppose so. Like LB, I do feel all the time. I just thought that was a human thing. I didn't realize that other people aren't feeling emotions constantly, too. I guess the point of my post was to convey my need to write, my compulsion to write as it is as important to my survival as eating and drinking. Perhaps more so. I never said that I write well. I only said that I have to.

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  27. Well, to quote Jesus: "You're all whores and sinners and damned to hell."

    That being said, I would like to compliment Gwen on her way with words. You're still probably going to hell, sweetie, but I enjoy your little emotional outbursts. Simply divine.

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  28. I'll say whatever the fuck I feel like saying, LB.

    I happen to agree this time.

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  29. Gwen, I do not think your blog is too emotional, just so you know. It's perfect just the way it is, because it creates a character for the reader.

    Having the ability to properly convey your emotions without self-pity is a gift. You have that. When you say you HAVE to write, yeah, we fucking KNOW, because even just your description of needing to write translates urgency and necessity and self-questioning and pride.

    THAT is what makes your writing emotional. When writing about writing still blushes with sincerity and feeling.

    It is NOT a bad thing.

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  30. Gwen,
    I think Rassles is completely right. I've never thought of your blog as emo--it's thoughtful, and there's a difference. Also, I feel like I know you a little because of the great comments you leave at my place. So praise well-deserved. Have a glass of wine. Hell, have two. (And, in your honor, I totally spit out my gum before I wrote this.)

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  31. For whatever it might be worth... I take back the "emo" comment from earlier today. That one quote from Gwen's post out of context, combined with me being off my meds ...

    I was wr-, wr-, wr-, mistaken.

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  32. Oooooohhh, killer save, Moped.

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  33. Assuming for a moment that Gwen is emo, I vote that her blog ought to be linked on the FAQ page here. Something on the lines of:
    'Dear Indian kids. If you must be emo, try do it Gwen's way'

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  34. Crow, that is ideal. Similarly, if you must be Indian, do it Crow's way.

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Grow a pair.