Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Wailing and flailing and trudging and flogging

My freshman year of high school I dated this guy who was weird and dark and full of hate. I had changed schools that year, from a preppy private school to a slightly less preppy public one. I mean, there was, like, cultural and ethnic variety. Ish. Sort of. Anyway, this guy was everything that the All-American boys next door Young Republicans I'd been to school with for years were not. He was an artist, he liked Nine Inch Nails and Ministry and wore a ratty old army jacket and slept with a cleaver under his bed and called himself by his own name spelled backwards. He made me mix tapes and I blew him in the front seat of his Monte Carlo.

We were together about seven months before he came to his senses about me being really, really young, and I came to my senses about him being really, really weird. And I swore, from that day forward, never again. That was my first, last, and only brush with twisted little arty death boys who think they just might be the Antichrist.

And I've said too much.

Today's reviewee reminds me of that guy, that freaky little charming bastard. But with less charm. Therein lies my bias. I'm warning you ahead of time.

The design is a simple, abbreviated three-column layout that's really unnecessary. Stick with two. As Love Bites illustrated in her latest review, it's just overkill. Although there are very few extras on the blog, which is good. No blinking whoozits or badges or ads or anything. But the gray text on black background is hell on my eyes. I suspect "Thanatos" knows this and is just punishing us all, little death boy that he is.

He's been "blogging" for at least 3 years, but there are only a little over 100 posts. He admits in his profile that prior to 2008 he didn't do a lot of writing for his blog; it was mostly links and poetry and video. And speaking of poetry, his is angsty dark poetry, which I'm not sure I can fault him for as I'm so very guilty of the same. Well, I was when I was 19 anyway.

As for the writing, there are quite a few grammatical and technical problems that trip me up, especially apostrophes and the lack thereof. I suspect that's just laziness, and perhaps a bit to do with the whole ESOL thing. But it's annoying nonetheless.

Thanatos would like us to believe that he's all I hate everything and fuck you and I don't care what you think and naneenaneebooboo and I'm so blasé and deep and twisted and complicated and people are stupid and I'm a smarty little judgmental angsty-pants.

Nihilism has never been attractive to me. And neither has misanthropy. Well, except for that one time in high school. Thanatos talks about cutting, which worries me. But then he goes and says things like, "Do something useful, pull a trigger," which, you know what Mr. The World Is a Vampire? Go fuck yourself. (And I know that seems hypocritical coming from a girl who doles out flaming fingers and laughs at comments about killing roommates, but still. I'm the boss of this review and I can do what I want.)

There are some glimpses of what's underneath, what's valuable. But there's no back
story. I assume he's in the States for school or work, but I could be wrong. He doesn't tell us anything. This is good. Real, even. And this, even though I'm now more sure than ever that this guy needs a couple of hours with Mistress Kiki and her stinging whip and a ball gag.

I hate the music he loves, and his profile says he doesn't read that much, so ultimately I just don't have a lot in common with Thanatos, and I'm kind of glad. Because he seems unhappy, really. Ok, so he likes Sasha Grey. Who doesn't? Yum.

In his submission form, Thanatos tells us his blog is: "A collection of rants, embedded youtube videos and obscure references that are increasingly reeking of self indulgence." I've got to hand it to him that he's at least self-aware. Thanatos, your blog up to about the last five months is an exercise in pushing people away. You posted things that don't matter, not to you or to anyone. It's throw-away crap and you know it. But there are a few redeeming posts lately, where you shrug off that mask of cynicism and morbid carelessness and show us the person underneath. Stick with that stuff. Write better and more frequently, otherwise what's the point, what are you blogging for?

I don't believe you at all when you say you don't care what we think, that your blog is just for you. You wouldn't have submitted here for your kick to the nuts (your words). If you want this blog to be worthwhile, if you want people to read what you say and care about it, lay off the surface jaded bullshit and give us something we can relate to. Or, if nothing else, something to entertain us. Because right now you're just swimming around in a pool of your own bile, and that can't be fun. Or, you know, hygienic.

Today you get








But keep on doing what you've been doing the last couple of months only better, and post more frequently and more meaningfully, and I'll revisit this rating.

50 comments:

  1. I won't lie, I sorta like him. But I'm basing that solely on the comments he has left on this blog and mine. I think he is intelligent. But he needs to lighten up a little. Maybe he just needs a biscotti.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha, that was awesome, thanks. Most parts of your review had me laughing aloud. I didn't realize I was coming across as dark, creepy and all that. Angsty, yes - rants are fun, in moderation I suppose.

    Yes, I certainly care about what people think (in the last 6 months anyway), hence the review request. Will work on it, thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  3. GoK, I liked his comments here, too. On his blog, though, he didn't seem like the same person.

    Screw the biscotti, I need a muffin.

    What I'm like funny ha-ha? I amuse you?

    Thanatos, I may have been having flashbacks during your review. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I read a few of his recent posts and they kept my attention so that I was actually able to finish them, which is more than I can say for the last reviewee. I think he has an interesting perspective. I'm not crazy about his writing style, but that's more of a subjective thing anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fuck me, it's like all the countrymen bloggers I know are being (re)reviewed all at once.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I probably could have gone easier on him. But he did kind of expect a kick in the nuts, so who am I to disappoint?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Cal, I totally agree that his blog comes across as self-important bullshit, but he does it in an interest way. So I like it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ Calamity - no not ha ha funny. More like "g'damn that's a nasty but fun slant on things" funny. It's everything I'd expected, if not wanted...

    There's probably a lot of vitriol on the blog (and difference in comments v/s posts) because I write mostly when I feel strongly about something - and many times that translates to rage.

    @ Everyone else - thanks for the words!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Rage can be good. But those Greeks had something --other than the deadly Thanatos -- "everything in moderation."

    ReplyDelete
  11. Didn't know my kid brother had a blog.

    Thought he took all his anger out by throwing Street Sharks at my head when we were kids.

    ReplyDelete
  12. His posts are interesting. It's fun getting to view Americans from the perspective of an Indian, since we're always looking at them and trying to figure out why they smell of cumin and talk so fast.

    I think he needs to do something with that template, though. How about a nice header image, for instance? Who doesn't like some head?

    ReplyDelete
  13. It seems my bias really did play into this review. Y'all liked it a heck of a lot more than I did. This is what psychotic ex-boyfriends will do to you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm biased because he posted about the Watchmen. Automatic ten points for Watchmen enthusiasts.

    If we're using the point system.

    And I always do.

    Use it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I added points for Sasha Grey, but then I had to take some away for lack of apostrophes, and then I had to take about a zillion points off for the posts about rage-induced misanthropy and scorn since they were unmitigated by any levity. Or unicorns. I mean, unicorns would have gone a long way toward a "meh."

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think my high-school goth boy is still in prison. Or dead. Or kicking back and filing his fingernails under shadow of the leaves of his largest cash crop ever.
    I like this blog. Can't say I relate to everything, but he keeps my attention. Is there something wrong with me that I actually think lots of it is funny?

    ReplyDelete
  17. No, by the looks of it there's something wrong with me. At last I get to be the mean one.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I always knew that you were secretly the mean one.

    ReplyDelete
  19. You would be, too, if you'd dated that guy. Wait. You did. Well, his type anyway. Yours was Gargamel. Mine was more Martin Gore.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Seriously, when I was reading your review, during the first paragraph, I was like: "I so dated that dude...in 2007."

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh, I love Martin Gore. Sigh.

    Can mine be Dave Gahan? Please?

    ReplyDelete
  22. So unfair, because I totally cannot name any members of Depeche Mode except for those too.

    So, you know what? Fuck you all.

    LOGGINS.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Well technically at this point, they just have one other member, Andrew Fletcher.

    Their drummer Christian isn't considered a member and Alan left a long time ago, as did founding member, Vince Neil.

    Okay, that completes my "dorking out" portion of my day.

    Oh please, who am I kidding?

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm not trying to be a dick, but when, exactly, did Vince Neil found Depeche Mode?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Yeah, was it before or after Motley Crue?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yeah, Tits, I'm waving the bullshit flag on that data. Mick Mars would never have let that happen.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Unless Depeche Mode was founded during Neil's estranged years. Like when he wrote that song for the Encino Man soundtrack.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ah, Pauly Shore's best.
    No, Rass, I think this all happened before Vince released 'Ice,Ice, Baby'. Oh, Vince you're a badass dancer but no way in hell are you from Miami.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dude, I totally meant Vince Clarke...

    You see, I've got hair and metal bands on the brain lately.

    Could you imagine how the landscape of music would be shaped differently with Vince Neil in Depeche Mode?

    And since we're on the subject, when did Vince Neal start looking like Jon Lovitz?

    ReplyDelete
  30. PS Did I mention that I've been up since 3:30 this morning and I almost got pulled over by a cop on foot?

    Oh and a bag of shit was slammed onto my desk too?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Vince made joke about Mick Mar's mom so Mick used his supernatural powers to make Vince fat and jewish. Or it could have been from the Jack Daniels IV. And the heroin. And the sex with Pamela Anderson.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Ghost, I'm going with the Pamela Anderson thing. I just don't believe that Jack Daniels and heroin could do that to anybody.

    ReplyDelete
  33. For sure, Vince was at his strongest when he was dropping mad beats. Not many white guys could hold their own in a freestyle combat with Tupac and Dre, but Vince fucking owned that shit.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Um, Kid Rock.
    He's looking fat and jewish, and I'm pretty sure he's still doing all three.

    ReplyDelete
  35. No really, someone plopped a bag of dog shit on my desk today, so trust me, I'm taking this all really well and not at all counting the minutes until I can go home and drink.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I thought Vince Neil and Kid Rock were the same person.

    Gah, I do have so much in common with Pamela Anderson.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I watched Teen Wolf Too on Sunday, so all is right with the world.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I ate wolf nuggets on Sunday, so yeah, you're right. All is right with the world.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Do you guys remember what Father Gene said about Joe's comments page in his re-review a few days ago?

    ReplyDelete
  40. No, Parakeet, but it sure seems like you do.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Astute little fella, aren't you, Ghost?

    ReplyDelete
  42. Ah, there's my name up there in lights. How pleasant a feeling.

    ReplyDelete
  43. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  44. "And I swore, from that day forward, never again"

    Never again what? Blowing someone in the front seat of their Monte Carlo?

    ReplyDelete
  45. Oh no, Crowley. You don't want to swear that off. I mean, a Monte Carlo just screams blow someone in the front seat, doesn't it? Especially the '76 version, which is what he had.

    Just never again with twisted little arty death boys with knife collections.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm standing with you in hate solidarity, Cal. Just wanted you to know that.

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.