Days of Whine and Neuroses

This is going to be quick, but scathing. I'm putting it in a numerical listy format for my own convenience because I have work coming out of my ass and eardrums (and it looks about as attractive as you'd imagine).

Today's victim: Days of Deerledge

Things we learn on this blog:
1. Sheri feels pretty.
2. Sheri has had 40,000 visitors in 4 years.
3. Avoid wearing spurs while squatting.
4. Sheri questions why people would read her blog, and if she should be blogging at all. (good questions)

Template issues:
1. Yellow. Yellow. And, more yellow.
2. Brown text, red titles and green dates. WHY?
3. Links are rollover to standard "link" blue. Which doesn't match the rest of the "design."
4. Weird, off-centered header appropos of nothing.
5. Strange google search bar at the top of the page.
6. Another gadget that appears to rotate random text for unknown reasons.
7. Status of the blogger, with corresponding picture.
8. Sidebar full of random widgety crap - needs to be cleaned up.
9. Drop down archives would be better, and Jesus Christ, when will people stop putting their blogroll in their sidebar for 4 inches worth of nothing?

This blog is far too old to look this crappy and amateurish. My fifteen year old could do a better design. Maybe Sheri should hire her child to do the revamp.

Content issues:
Topics range from the eternally compelling live tree versus fake tree debate to the type of meat eaten at New Year's festivities (ham).

Sheri has an odd habit of striking out text for no apparent reason. If you are going to strike out text, and it can be very funny, there should be some reason for it. I see no reason, whatsoever, to strike out "shooting the breeze" only to replace it with "talking." Clearly, you are using the strike function with NO REAL IDEA OF WHY IT IS USED.

And, the post I've linked here is a good example of what is wrong with your blog. You've taken a funny interaction between your co-workers and suffocated it with a heavy blanket of boring words. EDIT. Write a post, and then go through and take out every unnecessary word. EDIT, EDIT, EDIT. If you are going to put this dreck online, it becomes a reflection of you. You ought at least have sufficient pride to edit your work and take a few minutes to craft your posts into writing.

This blog is boring with a capital b. Maybe you're boring, maybe you aren't. Maybe you THINK you are boring. All of these, however, are curable conditions. Fucking do something about the fact that you are apparently spending the better part of your days living a drab and monotonous existence that bores you (and everyone else) to tears.

Frankly, I have no idea what to do with blogs like this. I don't know why people submit blogs like this to us, knowing what we will dismember them. This blog isn't writing, it is a daily diary, with comments. In that guise, it appears to be working for Sheri, who has made some online pals, and gets 3-5 comments per post.

For me, though, I would rather put a cactus up my ass than read Sheri's blog on a regular basis.

I don't know why people "write" blogs like this (and I use the term loosely, the creative and needful process known as writing is not happening on this blog), other than to connect similarly socially-challenged induhviduals.

I don't want to be mean to Sheri, she seems like a nice enough person, and I'm not going to tell her to quit blogging, because clearly it fills a social void in her life, but Christ With a Pancake on His Head, these blogs annoy the bloody stool right out of me.

I'm not suggesting that everyone or anyone should be blogging about rimjobs and anal sex, but for the sake of all that is unholy, put some thought into the words you put online. Your blog doesn't have to be a leather thong, but does it have to be pristine white cotton granny panties?

Sheri, I'm going to assume that you also realize that your blog is dreadfully dull, and you want help. Your submission is a cry for help, right? Your biggest issue is that you need to learn how to write a meaty, content-filled post. To that end, I've linked some bloggers that have managed to transcend the boring, and write about their lives (some stay at home, some working moms) with verve.

Hahn at Home
A Widow for One Year
Drunken Housewife

Don't write another post until you've spent at least 8 hours reading. You need to feed your brain some good writing to improve your output.

For now, I give you a short bus, with sincere hopes that you will improve.