FML. Sometimes, I draw my assigned blog from the queue, and on first glance, I think, "Jackpot." And I get excited about the opportunity to discover something new and wonderful.Anti-climax.
This is a beautiful blog design. Really, a sweet fucking design. It's stylish and looks good, and the blogger has clearly put plenty of time into it. It looks like the blog of a writer, a serious writer.
But, what this design needs is a backstory, a way for new readers to quickly figure out what's going on here. It's all well and good for longtime readers (if you have them), but happening onto this blog for the first time, it's fucking baffling. I have no idea what this guy is doing, or why, and have to go clear back to 2007 to get some idea of his mission here.
The fashionable owner of this blog has also mucked up the design by making it too fucking busy, what with the twittering, and the calendar, and the archives (you don't need a calendar AND a list of archives, it's fucking duplicative), and the song, and the blogroll, and the not clearly defined photo link buttons in the right column that link to who knows where and who knows what. It's like he's taken a sleek and tailored suit and mucked it up with a paisley shirt and a striped tie and impossibly colorful socks, and totally inappropriate sneakers. The blog has style, on first glance, but it's impossibly complicated.
I tried to figure it all out, including the who and what, but it's Monday, and I can't possibly do anything so complex at 11 a.m. on a Monday morning.
Also, what the fuck is this blog about? I guess the original plan was to combine writing and fashion, but somehow, that plan got lost. This week, we have "posts" that consist of puppet basketball players (youtube repost), movie trailers with a paragraph about summer blockbusers, some stenciled clothing items (WTF?), and a Where the Wild Things Are youtube repost. And, the week before that, there was some dude's travel schedule to Europe and some dude proposing to some chick, and I have no idea who that dude is, or why I should fucking care.
So, like, what happened to WRITING? You know, that thing you do with WORDS AND ALL, that doesn't require linking to youtube videos and/or posting stencils of fashion?
On the best of days, Mr. Blog Author whose name is never really mentioned in this blog, I'm not into fashion. I'm currently wearing flannel pajamas with Winnie the Pooh on them. I wear Ann Taylor like it's fucking garanimals because I don't have to make any big statements and it all matches. Ann Taylor helps me avoid looking like a fucking idiot by taking a huge fashion risk and failing abysmally.
So, in the luck of the draw, you got the reviewer who is the least interested in fashion, and has no real sense of style.
But, even I could have rewarded him for some delightful writing.
Which, sadly, was non-existent.
My advice? Either do it, or don't. But stop dicking around. Either you're committed to this blog, or you aren't. If your level of commitment to this blog is youtube videos, hang it up.
You used to be a blogger. I don't know what turned you into this sheepish schmutzy poster of youtube videos, but it sucks.
For your content, I give you:
For making me come off as a bitch again when I wanted to fucking love you,
After reading that review I don't think I even want to look at the blog. As you say it is Monday, and frankly it's my day off. If I want youtube videos, I will go to youtube to watch them.
ReplyDeleteI don't get the whole uber-stylish template thing, nor do I get the 134,455K image sizes people use. Giant image headers make me feel like some man is trying to force his junk up my nose.
ReplyDeleteAlright, so I caved. I got as far back as a couple pages and all I saw were youtube videos and pictures. Boring. I don't feel like going into the archives to see if this person has written anything interesting. I also agree about the header. It's very in your face and took up most of my computer screen.
ReplyDeleteI didn't look.
ReplyDeleteI hate it on principal.
Walmart slacks forever!
There's a picture in the right sidebar of a total douche hipster wearing one of those ginormous scarves that I absolutely hate. And I think the picture might be laudatory.
ReplyDeleteI need a shower; douchebaggery is notoriously sticky.
Cal, I totally thought of you on Friday when I was getting my hair cut. I looked up in the mirror and saw a guy with emo hair and a scarf come walking in the door behind me. I thought "Who is this hipster shit with the scarf on a 75 degree day?"
ReplyDeleteThis whole blog could be summed up in that statement, Bets: "Who is this hipster shit with the scarf?"
ReplyDeleteAlso, he wants a man purse. I think I threw up a little in my mouth.
I'm totally turned off by dudes that are into fashion. I guess that statement makes me a sexist.
ReplyDeleteMangina!
ReplyDeleteI should go and see if he's contemplated a man-skirt.
ReplyDeleteLB, that would be the utilikilt.
ReplyDeletecheck it out:
manskirtz
And that one in the camo skirt with the ciggie, I want to do bad things to him. Mmm, he's like a young Mickey Rourke, now with less skeevy.
ReplyDeletewow, clearly I am overly addicted to hetero maleness.
ReplyDeleteOmg, mangina is the best word ever. That word makes me tingle in my special place. Much love.
ReplyDeleteOkay, any man that wears a skirt is either, completely comfortable with his feminine side and wants to show what a well rounded individual he is by wearing said skirt. OR he is really really gay and therefore should accessorize with a fanny pack.
ReplyDeleteOr perhaps he likes a nice breeze around his privates!
ReplyDeleteThis could be true as well, central air haha...please tell me they at least wear boxers or something. Or are they commando under those not-so-manly skirts.
ReplyDeleteNathan Fillion wore a leather kilt on Craig Ferguson's show. It was hot in a decidedly un-leather queen way. I hope he free-balled it.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I can see free-balling it, but don't you then walk around putting your balls on all kinds of questionable surfaces?
ReplyDeleteAnd 2, why do hipsters think we'll love them? The only hipster here is Rassles.
Also, I don't know who Nathan Fillion is. I guess that means I'm the anti-hip.
ReplyDeleteOkay, the only exception is Nathan Fillion. Only because he is Malcolm Reynolds and I love Firefly and Serenity. Also, he is Canadian which makes me want to hump him even more.
ReplyDeleteTHanks for making me feel less retarded, fox.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to let it be known that for Nathan Fillion, I would totally be a questionable surface.
ReplyDeleteI second the motion to be a questionable surface for the skirt wearing, free-balling Malcolm Reynolds. I would welcome his sweaty ballsac in my genital direction.
ReplyDeleteI didnt like it. I think the header is way big and annoying. Something about the entire blog made me not want to read.
ReplyDeleteThank you, that is all.
Pretty spot on...but I was hoping for a little more vitriol.
ReplyDeleteDude, FF, I was thinking the exact same thing. How fucking hot is that guy? Even with the combat boots and the skirt.
ReplyDeleteMan panties.
ReplyDeleteJust, man panties.
That blog has so much potential, your right about the design, but the rest makes me want to vomit some interest into it.
ReplyDeleteSundayBest, how can you be content with sucking? I just don't get it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he is just being gracious? Because, really..who is content sucking. (shhhh!)
ReplyDeleteIt's the header of a writer--similar to my own that I use for freelance work. But the content is pure cut and paste. At least for the first page, which is all I took the time to read.
ReplyDelete@Love Bites
ReplyDeleteI'm not. Hopefully I can right the ship.
I hope so too, dude. Because when you have a mind to do it, you're a pretty good writer. What you write about isn't my bailiwick, but you know you can do better.
ReplyDeleteSunday:
ReplyDeleteMerge columns 1 and 2 to give more space to your writing. Which you plan to do, write? (punny, eh?)
Do a drop-down archive list, and lose the calendar. Create a sidebar button for your reading list and put it in its own blog post. That will clean up your sidebar issues and put the emphasis back where it belongs: YOUR WRITING.