Thursday, July 30, 2009

Eternal Sunshine of the Nerdy Mind

Miss Missives has a dirty little secret. Fine, Miss Missives has quite a few dirty little secrets in her back pocket, but here's one out of the bunch. I love nerds. Love them.

There I said it. Some girls like the suits, the jocks, the bad boys, I like the late-to-bloom nerds. defines nerd as:

a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person, or an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit.
No, no, no, they've got it all wrong. Nerd, unlike the other n-word, does not have to be pejorative. more accurately lists among its definitions:

An individual persecuted for his superior skills or intellect, most often by people who fear and envy him.

An individual who does not conform to society's beliefs that all people should follow trends and do what their peers do.

A person who gains pleasure from amassing large quantities of knowledge about subjects often too detailed or complicated for most other people to be bothered with.

A four-letter word but a six-figure income. The person you will one day call '
Today's reviewee, Matt Stratton, is like the alternate nerd universe's Mark Ruffalo.

Mark Ruffalo:

meet your nerd doppelganger, Matt Stratton:

In Matt's own words, Matt's blog:

focuses on the areas Matt finds interesting,
which leads me to one of my only problems with nerds. What the average nerd finds interesting versus what the average nerd-lover finds interesting, are frequently universes apart, as hottie patottie Mrs. Matt can attest to.

Matt posts a bunch of Tech Tips, Wordless Wednesdays, Follow Fridays and his personal fitness challenge. The tech tips are well-written and understandable even to the relative technophobe. The Wordless Wednesdays, well, they are wordless and on Wednesday so whatever. The Follow Fridays were lost on me because I really have to admire some one's tastes before I care to read what they read.

If I want to know who to read, I'll check in with David Sedaris. If I require a restaurant recommendation, I'll ask Thomas Keller. If I want to know where to get my heroin, I'll hit up Amy Winehouse. If I want to know who I should follow on Twitter, Matt man, it's not coming from you. As for the Fitness blogging, I see the benefit of keeping yourself accountable and trying to garner some much needed moral support but my problem is all of these things mixed together creates a bit of a jumble in the demographics department. I have a hard time figuring out just who Matt's reader would be. I liked this but for me it was one of just a few things that got me to slow my skim.

As for design and layout specifics, Matt, Matt, Matt. What I would hope for is that you are one of those techies with a catalogued system for their software and power cords labeled, almost artfully bundled. In fact you are more like the guy with lonely hard drives scattered on his desk, boxes of Star Trek figurines shoved in the back of the closet getting crushed by your camera bag and a jumble of stray cords piled up on the floor.

Now literally, just minutes away from pushing publish on this review, I discovered that Matt has substantially altered the layout of his blog. Perhaps he realized Miss Missives was picking through assimilating her review. He did make some changes for the better but Matt, you still need to cleanup the DOUBLE sidebar and move some of that stuff onto your tabs, which need to be merged to one set of tabs by the way.

So Matt, for Miss Missives, you get one smoldering look because you are the kind of guy more women need to get to know(yes Mrs. Matt, I know he's taken, I said the kind of guy). Your blog however, gets a Meh.

But Bill Gates offers up a High Ten, compadre:

Side note to the women currently traversing the dating world: give the nerds a chance. They might seem goofy on the outside, but you can always work on the clothes, glasses and haircut later. They are so great for so many reasons. They are good with the nookie. Think about it, all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, coupled with a desire to make you happy? Give it to them and they are grateful. They are trustworthy. They're not going to flirt with or ogle other women. First, they don't have the social confidence. Second, they're more interested in the nearest electronics store. Third, they really respect you. Forget the alpha male and embrace the beta guy, trust me, you won't be sorry.


  1. Wow, Matt is really the nerdy Mark Ruffalo. He's totally rocking the nerdy hot look.

    I give your post my vulcan greeting dual high five. I love my nerdy hot guy.

  2. I never appreciated the hotness of nerds until the last few years. Which is a shame, because they always were the guys that liked me in high school. And after. I always held out for the alpha males, which is why I've only slept with 4 different guys my whole life. That's a sad story.

  3. My husband is a hot nerd. He got tall and handsome and he's clueless as to how cute he is. The same technical adeptness that makes him able to program complicated things that most men cannot is probably the same skill set that has allowed him to bring me to states of pleasure that none of the alpha males ever could. And he thinks it's hot when I nerd out. And he gives me backrubs if I watch Star Trek with him. And he overlooks a lot of my crazy neurotic behavior because he is so happy to be getting laid on a regular basis. He also lacks any fashion sense and thus is perfectly comfortable letting me buy the clothes I think he looks good in. My nerd made me the happiest I've ever been.

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  5. Yeah us nerds luck out only when the ladies realize the jocks won't go any farther than pizza delivery or grocery store managers. And that's usually 4 years after college, and involves a cocktail of drugs, pregnancies, and omg-men-suck syndrome. You would think the pretty ones would wise up.

    But then again some us may be a little unusual

  6. Fuck you guys, you don't even know, nerds are all the rage right now, and they're getting taken by all the fucking normal girls. Even the hot girls. I would blame every single movie ever, but (like Chuck Klosterman) I really blame John Cusack.

    Nerdy girls don't have a chance, unless you're willing to go for someone boring and sheepish. Those guys seem to be fucking everywhere. Also, saying, "Oh my god, I am such a nerd. I am so Tina Fey" is like the coolest thing ever, apparently, and pisses me off, and then all the guys are all, "you are just like Tina Fey, because you have glasses." But you know what? They're not funny. Nuh uh. Totally unfunny. They're still the same stupid fucking girls.

    Rassles out.

  7. Rassles, you don't have to take the world's leftovers but you may have to give the sheepish, socially awkward guys a chance. When I met my husband I liked him but he was so quiet compared to me and I really wondered our first two dates if he had enough of a sense of humor for me. Once he got comfortable, he became himself and he is one of the funniest guys I know. He's also way more outgoing since he has girl armor(that's me). They might seem boring initially but a lot of that is shyness. I'm shy too but I compensate by being boisterous and friendly.

  8. Note to the side note: Date a nerd for all those great reasons but PLEASE don't try to mold them into something else by "working on" their appearance. Men are not improvement projects. We come as is. It's a common mistake that a lot of girls make.

  9. Than, a lot of my husband's engineering buddies married Asian ladies, what's the deal with nerdies and Asian girls?

  10. unbearable- getting a decent haircut and updating the wardrobe is not changing the person. We women dress for you guys all the time so suck it up if a girl wants to give you a little spit and polish.

  11. As a cerebrosexual, I'm happy to admit that Nerds can be pretty hot.

    But Geeks - that's the money, honey.

    Matt looks just geeky enough that I could learn to love him. Giving him a test run in my reader, now. Thanks.

  12. @ Rass - as far as boring is concerned, some of us are truly socially challenged. Interaction in a lab/world filled with computers doesn't need a lot of spontaneity, something heavily needed in non-nerd environments

    @ Unbearable - Considering I don't have the patience or the color coordination to dress better than a chimp, I appreciate all the effort the gf puts into making me look normal.

    @ FF - ooh, that's a touchy topic and I have my theories. Tough to generalize about engineers (and I'm not even American), but I think a lot of nerds latch on to Japanese culture as it is presented across the pond. Perhaps it's the perceived subservience, or kink that frankly scares me, or just the hots for Asian skin.

    Picking up/impressing and dating American girls (irrespective of race) is a lot harder than Asian girls, especially if the first 5 thoughts in your head are all about gadget news.

  13. I would also like to add, for the record, that Italian Beef should most definitely be fucking dipped.

  14. Formerly Fun: I don’t want to escalate this because I’m horrible at confrontation (just ask my bride) and I don’t want to become persona non grata on this site. But unless you’re requesting help, as Thantos is, then making someone cut their hair and change their wardrobe because it doesn’t please you is the very definition of molding someone. It's a slippery slope. First it's the clothes. Then some of his friends. Then his behavior.

    What if your definition of “better” is contrary to his? Why can’t you just suck up his appearance the way it is or find someone else who is closer to your ideal? There’s a long running play here in New York called, “I Love You. You’re Perfect. Now Change.” That says it all.

  15. @rassles Thank you for your support, re: Italian beef. I am still amazed that this is even a subject that merits discussion. It's as if someone asked "should you eat food via your mouth or your nose?" Yes, it's theoretically possible to eat via your nose (I suppose) but why even suggest it?

  16. As a supporter of Matt's blog - I am very happy with the new site design. Simply because it's better than the old site design. At least someone (not me) had the balls to tell him it needs help.

    Also, he's an awesomely funny geek - It's not a good day unless I get to chat with him about unicorns and why Wordpress hates me at least once a day.

  17. My ex-boyfriend tried to "de-nerd" me over our 6 year relationship. He bought me clothes I never would have bought myself, made suggestions about my hairstyle (which I followed). At first it felt sweet. Eventually, it felt creepy & insulting because I realized he didn't really like the whole me, just some idea of me. Especially after the constant criticisms started (Why don't you get your nails done? Why do you always wear your hair in a ponytail? You look awful today.) So I have to side with Unbearable on this issue to a certain extent. Although, I do think if a person is open to change or direction about style then it's fine to give it.

  18. "so suck it up if a girl wants to give you a little spit and polish"

    Seriously? I have to be the one to point this lascivious bit of awesome out? You guys are off your game.

    But Miss Missives is not. Nicely reviewed.

    Also, I just discovered that one of the dweebiest nerds I've ever known is a professional photographer of the scantily-clad ladies and his girlfriend is smoking hot and he actually grew up talk, dark, and interesting. Wish I'd known that would happen when he was crushing on me.

  19. I like my hot nerd exactly the way he is. His glasses, for instance, i'm pretty sure the Navy bought them for him when he was in the academy, they are silver-framed circa 1983.

    But as FF says, his technical aptitude has brought me to heights of pleasure hitherto unexperienced by me, so I could give a shit what kind of glasses he wears.

    He's hot. The. End. Occasionally, he asks for clothing advice, but he's a big boy, he can dress himself.

  20. Cal,

    One of the biggest weirdos in my school, total nerd, is a professional photographer in Chicago and he's the one person on facebook I regularly chat with. The jock guys? Dumb as rocks.

  21. I used to care about what clothes my husband wears, until I realized that I would be the one doing the laundry. Now I wish to God he would walk around naked.

  22. I never really liked the jocks anyway. I liked the funny or tortured stoners. Still do.

  23. I liked long haired boys that would take mescalin with me in the woods. I didn't give a fuck what they were wearing. I suppose the brighter colors, the better.

  24. I always liked the jocks until I grew out of them and realized I didn't have to keep pretending to be stupid all the time.

  25. Channeling my inner John and Yoko...

    All we are sayin'...
    Is give geeks a chance

  26. This guy is ok, hes got facial hair and that is ok in my book. Mind you its no Hulkamania beard but its a start.

    As for nerd love, I work in for a large internet company and am awash in female nerdom. Its awesome!

    I got the nerd chick fever! Shake that binary thang.

  27. You know, I like one type of guy, really, and it's "finds me hilarious and understands my jokes and references without having to wikipedi shit/makes jokes and references and assumes I do not need to wikipedi shit. Also: no fucking parrotheads."

  28. When I met my man he wore his gym socks up to his knees. I didn't fall in love with him immediately.

  29. If a guy is against any molding then yes, leave it alone. No one should ever be made to feel like they cannot be themselves. But most of the guys I know want to look good(within reason) and many don't know what works and what doesn't. I switched my hubs from dad jeans that were one size too short to something a little more contemporary. I remind him when it's time to get his haircut. When he visits me at the spa to fix my dsl, I groom the unibrow. He could care less one way or the other but he loves when I jump him with abandon and he likes that I take the time and thought that he won't.

  30. Miss Missives7/30/2009 5:31 PM

    My point to the dating ladies was not to set out seeking to change a guy but come on, all wives exert some pull here. My point was don't rule these guys out on superficial things because all that stuff is malleable and some of those guys just need a little help in that department and will gladly take it. I would rather have a guy that lets me tweak his wardrobe a little or suggest things than some guy getting streaks at the salon or buying this season's latest outfit.

  31. Ha! Matt seriously looks like Dane Cook. . . only a bit chubbier.

  32. Dane Cook? Seriously? Gack.

    What's somewhat amusing is that Miss Missives is not the first person to make the Ruffalo comparison. A swing dancing friend of mine (see, I'm nerdy, I swing dance) tells me that all the time. I *think* she means it as a compliment.

  33. Rass would hate my iPod

  34. Miss Missives7/30/2009 7:12 PM

    Matt, very much meant as a compliment.

    Hey BTW Matt, the geek dating site, is that a venture of yours? Awesome idea.

  35. I *wish* I had thought of that geek dating site! I came across it via a Twitter connection, and I thought it was such a damn good idea I wanted to promote the hell out of it.

    Incidentally, one of my friends was their featured girl geek for July. I'm a connector. Sorta.

  36. Sorry folks, I've just gotta say it - Get yourself a Hellbilly today! They can fix the computer, couldn't give a shit when they are told to go get a hair cut, make dinner if you're busy or not feeling well, and can blow a teesspasser in half with a shot gun with no plex whatsoever. Oh, and they work their asses off and have tattoos that make you wanna...
    Yeah, I should start a Hellbilly dating site today.

  37. I have a few programmers who used to work for me whom I still consider to be friends. When I learned that one of them had a blog, I got all excited and shit.

    And then I read it.

    Almost everything in it was about installing this version of Linux or configuring that obscure patch or what have you.

    I like nerds. Hell, I sorta AM a nerd. But I'm not real big on reading what they think is worth writing about.

    I guess that just maybe means I'm not that much of a nerd afterall.

  38. The review itself is valid but the paragraph at the end is entirely uncalled for. If a guy made similar comment would it be laudable?:

    "Side note to the men currently traversing the dating world: give the fat/brainy girls a chance. They might seem goofy on the outside, but you can always work on the clothes, glasses, haircut and weight issues later. They are so great for so many reasons. They are good with the nookie. Think about it, all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, coupled with a desire to make you happy? Give it to them and they are grateful. They are trustworthy. They're not going to flirt with or ogle other men. First, they don't have the social confidence. Second, they're more interested in the nearest chocolate shop. Third, they really respect you. Forget the hawt chick and embrace the fat girl, trust me, you won't be sorry."

    I am disappointed and feel like I stepped in dog shit while enjoying the garden.


  39. Colleen, if you've traipsed here looking for appropriateness, you've made a detour into hell.

    As a further note, take your self-righteous tone and shove it up your twat.

  40. Also, I think we need to have Matt matchmake Rassles because I bet he knows a ton of geeks. And HE LIVES IN CHICAGO. AND RASSLES LIVES IN CHICAGO.

    Do I smell serendipity here?

  41. Colleen, I couldn't agree more. No way in hell would you find a paragraph like that here. Call me, we'll do lunch.

  42. As long as they're not fucking sheepish. Shy is one thing. Sheepish and boring, though...I really just don't have the patience.


Grow a pair.