And now it’s time to play ‘Pretend!’
Today we are going to pretend that something horrible and terrible and unimaginable has happened. Now put on your little thinking caps and imagine this:
Some nut along the lines of the extra super duper Christian conservative Jeannie Bladdersham brought to us from our pal ‘WAM’ over at Can O’ Whupass, has taken over the universe.
Well, Jeannie Bladdersham and her pals, having taken over the universe, have decided vibrators are an abomination and those who use them are dirty, naughty, and un-Christ-like, and should be thrown in the county jail where they will be dealt with by those big, sweaty boys from the sheriff’s department who look a king size mattress stuffed into a brown belt.
But wait! Wait! Jeannie and her pals have decided to try to look all democratic and everything by staging a so-called ‘open debate’ on the topic before they lower their iron fists of moral conservatism down on the moaning, groaning, sweating, writhing, hair pulling, begging for more, vibrator loving masses.
Don’t even try to tell me you wouldn’t be at that debate, Askers. You know you would. You would be throwing open your closets, steamer trunks, and dresser drawers. From them you would be pulling your long list of favorites:
and Forest Rump
Oh sure, it would take you a while to get out of the house after unveiling all of your favorites at the same time. I mean, who can resist? But you would do it. You would do it because you know you have to speak your mind. Because you are willing to risk it all (and a trip to see the king size boys at the county jail) for your right to vibrate! You would show up at the debate with all of your favorites and a bunch of giant signs you made in your garage by cutting poster board into giant vibrator shapes and using that old house paint to write things on them like,
“PROUD GRADUATE OF THE SCHOOL OF VIBRATING COCK!”
“RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN SATURDAY NIGHT BEVER!”
“I DESERVE TO VIBRATE MY OWN TEMPLE OF POON!”
The atmosphere would be insane! Can’t you just imagine it! Shoving your giant vibrator shaped sign into the face of some buttoned up, doughy assed, straight laced, Christ-loving, nervous Nelly of a woman and screaming,
“Keep your laws offa my body!”
Some of you, I suspect, would even go so far as to recognize the sheer horror of such women at having to be exposed to your giant vibrator sign. You would shove your sign at them and find a strange glee in the middle of it all when you realized you could make them squeal, dance, prance and cringe at the mere thought of being touched by anything resembling a vibrator.
Then, suddenly, you and the rest of the raucous crowd would come to a strange point of unity in your simultaneous silence as you realized loud speakers were pumping the voices of the debaters into the crowd. Together, you would realize you had missed much of the debate already and would come to a silent rest together to listen.
But you would be prepared. Prepared to boo and hiss against those who spoke in favor of this outrageous anti-vibrator law. To whistle and cheer and shake your giant vibrator shapes at the sky in support of those who spoke against the law.
Then you hear this:
What this world needs is less Veritas and more down-to-earth people who can argue a point without trying to hit delicate nerves by mentioning "murderers" and "rapists" when talking crime. I went in desiring to vote in favour with all my heart and ended up abstaining. This is what bad speakers bring to the political debate.
Why can't people stop using rhetoric and playing on people's fears? I talk individual rights, society, State, freedom, but I don't go into trying to promote my ideology by playing on people's deepest uneasiness.
Everyone would remain silent. No booing, hissing or shaking of giant vibrator shapes into the sky would occur. No one would shake their Bible or even be able to mutter some kind of praise to Christ. Just.Silence.
Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of today’s reviewee, Luca, who writes Free Thinking Unabridged.
Sorry pal. It’s people like you that make absolutely nothing happen.
Here’s a few of these for making absolutely nothing happen. Not on your blog and, obviously, not in a world that, whether you like it or not, wants something it can sink its teeth into.
*This thought of the day brought to you by George W. Bush, former President