Monday, October 12, 2009

Land of wonder, spices, mystery, and incredibly dull bloggers

India has attacked us again. I blame Crowley, who I'm certain is somehow responsible for the fact that all of the blogs up for review in the queue right now are from India.

Fuck me sideways with a pickle. One of these pieces of refuse is clearly dead, so I'm discarding it. One has opted out on being reviewed. The other two aren't enough, singularly, to deserve an entire post.

First, Summer Diary. Ugly black & white template, and I have no idea what this person is doing. I like teenagers, I had a house full of them on Saturday, but this blog is like attempting to decipher meaningless gibberish posted on random coconuts and tossed into the ocean to arrive willy nilly on the shores of our brains.

I feel dumber for having spent 20 minutes on the site.

Fuck you for submitting to us, you stupid twat.

Secondly, this one. God save us from the unrelenting angst of teenagers. Were we all this inwardtwisted awkwardness? But some of it holds drops of promise. To that promise, I say...use good grammar. Choose your words more carefully. If you write dialogue, make it cleaner and more clearly identify who is speaking. Keep writing. Clean up your sidebar, and find a better place for the quote under your header bar. Don't try so hard to be unique, but instead focus on distilling your words until they are really and truly yours.

I give you a single star, work upwards to the rest.

These are my missives to India, sent in a digital bottle.

p.s. More importantly, if you were going to be an ironic, made-up superhero, who would you be?


  1. loved it. you fucking tore me apart.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Neither I nor the other owner of Chaos theory asked for a review. I believe she mailed you about it too.

    And yes, she does fine at living, thanks for asking.

  4. The blog was submitted twice in a single week. Do you want an IP address?

  5. I don't doubt that it was submitted (twice). It wasn't us, that's all. I remembering reading your form's auto response and wondering about it. It was right after one of those 200 post emo Indian fights.

  6. And thanks for taking I off. She gets a lot of perv stalkers from the same town, I'm curious about the IP. Will email

  7. @thantos: don't ask and ye shall still receive :D

    yay, i am first now.

  8. wow! had almost forgotten that I had submitted the blog for a review. Points noted. Only thing--Teenage angst it wasn't :) perhaps you could have read a bit more and come to a conclusion.
    Cheers anyway!

  9. and try if you want to challenge the assumption that land of dull bloggers we be.

  10. That second blog reminded me of a short story I read in college writing class. This tiny woman wrote 20 pages about a guy who goes on a boat, and then it's foggy, and it's all A METAPHOR, and then he finds an inn! And there he finds the TRAVELER! Then it was foggy again. There are bloggers out there who can be more meaningful in a single burp than this contrived LITERATURE.

  11. Quis, quid, quando, ubi, cur, quem ad modum, quibus adminiculis?????

    Hehehe, I take the 5th.

  12. Number 1: Blue Sunride, I read enough to determine that your angst was annoying. If you aren't a teenager, get the fuck over it already.

    Number 2: I'm not interested in reading interesting Indian blogs or the idea that we need to disprove that India is a land of boring blogs. Your blogs were boring. That's sufficient for me.

  13. I couldn't give two shits about this blog(s). What the hell? Is there one blog? Two? But not actually submitted?
    I am commenting because I can fucking type. And I haven't been able to type because I managed to shoot blood out of an artery in my fucking hand several weeks ago.
    And I just wanted to type the word fuck in one of my favorite fucking places on earth.
    fuckity fuck fuck fuck! fuuuuuck!

  14. The Land of Idiots deems us the Land of Dull Bloggers.

    Its all good.


Grow a pair.