Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Must you tease me?

Alright class, settle down.

I see you've enjoyed your time with me away trying your hand with some newbie teachers (god bless them for some of the blogs they've had to put up with). With winter holiday nearing, I know your concentration is limited and all you can think about is your Secret Santa's giant package.

All I can think about are giant packages too and god do I wish they were those kinds of packages.

You see, I've been moving house. And knowing that my ass-reaming stilettos and my metal beveled ruler were buried somewhere at the bottom of an unidentifiable cardboard box made me very irritable indeed, obviously rendering me incapable of providing the ass kickings expected of me (it also made me incapable of properly expressing to my beloved school janitor the urgency with which I needed him to reassemble that fucking Ikea closet).

But with boots and ruler unpacked and at my disposal, the janitor at home soaking his calloused hands and other tender bits I may have been too rough on, I come to you, my sweetlings to see if any cognitive development has occurred in my absence.

Well, let's have a little lookie, shall we?

First of all, sweet baby Jesus screaming in a manger, when are you kids going to get it through your heads that having an About Me page is essential for ADD readers like me? I don’t want to have to click through post after life-sucking post like I'm solving a murder mystery before I connect the dots that your blog sucks balls. Tell me who the hell you are and why the hell your blog deserves me to be reading it.

Secondly, for an artist and clever ad designer, Kedar's template should shame him all the way back to kindergarden fingerpainting for its absolute lack of originality. I mean, I know he likes to keep his art simple, and I can appreciate that, but a little more effort put into the design would be nice. Put some goddamn tinsel on that poor lifeless tree, some popcorn on a string, a reindeer made out of popsicle sticks, ANYTHING. I'm about to faint from boredom and I haven't even taken one look at your posts.

As to the blog's content, despite me really digging on some of his artwork and loving his subtle way of communicating, I have to admit that many of his posts left me almost hooked but wishing there had been slightly more to them. Kedar is sort of a tease. I know he's got the goods but he doesn't deliver all the time.

Like many of the ASKERS around here, for me, blogging is about the writing. I know this blogger is more into his art, but I want more words than this to accompany them, and not just any words, the words that he's hinted at being capable of writing. Don't just show me the pretty picture you painted, give me more background. I want the stories, the reasoning, the juicy brain details that I know are part and parcel to the artwork. I fucking love it when he gives me the tiny glimpses into the disconnect he feels with people, but dammit I wish he'd quit teasing me and give me more of his juice, his essence, implicating an uninvolved reader like myself.

The real test for me with this blog is that I started at the beginning and went through post after post and realized that unlike most of the blogs I review, I didn't feel like banging my head against the screen until the blog went away. I was actually gawking my head to the right and then left and and wanting to show my coworker and wanting to buy the t-shirt and wanting to mass email this stuff and annoy the fuck out of every one of my contacts. But despite my inclination to really get into this guy, I was left feeling like I was being denied some really good stories.

For now he gets two measly stars but I hope he really does get better by developing his voice and thinking about the writing outlet that is this blog. I hope he will one day slam some of those colors and that subtlety evident in his artwork directly into his keyboard. Because that combined with his images would make this one blog I could really fucking love.

9 comments:

  1. Glad you're back teacher. I brougt you a big red apple for Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I prefer bananas. Clearly, I am in need of some kind of activity other than unpacking boxes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't get it.

    Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my burgeoning anime obsession.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Spot on review. Enough to keep you reading, but not enough to make you get excited.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well, it DOES say, "hopefully, I'll get better", in the header.
    Apparently you're not alone in hoping the blog gets better.
    Glad you're back.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wonderful review Madame. Glad you're back. As for Kedar, the drawings are charming. But I wonder about his claim to be a copywriter. The writing should be a little more polished if that's the case. But maybe he's a junior.

    ReplyDelete
  7. aaa! I love this blog. So neat-o.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have to agree with how unnerving a blog without an About and/or a FAQ is. I usually leave, unless something else compels me quick.

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.