Monday, January 04, 2010

Mundane in Manhattan

One of the reasons that I’m not so good at this gig, and thus only turn up every few months, is that I hate being mean. I’m the nice professor here at the University of Colon. Bright eyed students flock to my course in Introductory Bootology because they know that with a vaguely plausible sob story they can earn an easy A.

So if you are Mandinka, author of Motherhood in NYC, you would have to be pretty happy about your luck. You got ‘The Nice Guy’ at Ask. Easy 4 Star review. Woo hoo!


But, you got The Nice Guy on the wrong day. It’s been a long semester and I’ve given far too many A’s to far too many sub par aspiring bootologists. I’m in a bad mood.

Here’s the thing. I love Mummy/Daddy bloggers. I kind of am one. I respect the genre. I have a high tolerance for cute kids stories and the moaning of the stay-at-home Mum. I can relate to the trials and tribulations, dull as they are, of a parent. Hell, I’ll go out on a limb and say that I love parent blogging.

When it’s done well.

Mandinka, my dear, you don’t do it that well. Or you do it as well as the legion of Mummy and Daddy bloggers around the world. I have a handful of specific issues that I would like to discuss with you:

  1. The Bloggess. I like The Bloggess. Her brand of neurotic/obscene humour is pretty original and fairly entertaining. But, there is a disturbing trend among a certain type of Mummy Blogger to try and be The NEW Bloggess. Stop it. She’s funny because it’s kind of her schtick. You aren’t because you come off as a try-hard wannabe. That goes for the rest of you that are pulling this crap. You know who you are.

  2. Twitter screen captures. This is plague on the blogosphere. Don’t ever do it again. If people wanted to follow you on Twitter, they would. If they do, they’ve read these inanities. Most people are not interested in your ‘unfollows’ or what the hell ever you’re blabbering about on Twitter.

  3. Advertising. Now, I’m tolerant of advertising. Like you, I run a self-hosted site and I feel justified in using a bit of advertising to recoup my costs. But fully forty percent of your site is dedicated to advertising. I suspect that if you could squeeze more in, you would. Do you really need two Blogher tower ads? Is one not enough? There’s a fine line between classy and trashy, darling. Find it.

  4. Be fucking original. I will admit that I didn’t tread too far back into your archives, a few months or so. I got bored. The title of your blog is intriguing. Motherhood in NYC . This gal is going to tell us the gritty truth about raising kids in Gotham. She’ll either make us glad we don’t live there or make us wish we did. You do neither. You may as well be living in Orange County or Highland Park or Darien. I mean, a story about the GAP? Seriously? Do you know how writes a great site about parenting in NYC? This guy. And he lives in fucking New Jersey! You’ve got less urban cred than a suburbanite.

    Phew. I’m glad we’ve got that sorted. Look, you have a reasonable following. Good on you. Be grateful for that. You’ll get a bunch of traffic for a couple of days from this review; I’ll expect 10% of your advertising revenue as a finder’s fee. But what did you really think we were going to say about your site? Did you really expect to get an IFLY? You’re a Mummy Blogger and a very slightly better than average one (I mean, you can write in complete sentences). What more did you want?

    Because I’m physically incapable of handing out flaming fingers, you will be spared that indignity. So take this

    and be grateful you got me.


  1. What a nice way to start of the year, with Professor Booty kickin' booty.

    This blogger got off on the lucky foot for 2010 by getting you.

  2. omfg, I opened the page, saw the advertising and closed it again. I hate masses of advertising on blogs. Maybe the content is good, but I'll never know.

  3. Would you take five percent as a finder's fee? There's a recession, you know.

  4. So wait... does having the top of TWO sidebars with BlogHer ads means she gets double revenue, or does she just REALLY like BlogHer?

    I'm not criticizing the presence of ads, per se, just the overwhelming impact they have on a visitor (especially a first timer like myself who doesn't know where to look for "the good stuff" a.k.a. content).

    Also, totally agree on the assessment that she seems to be inspired by The Bloggess.

  5. There's no focus in the storytelling. Everything jumps around too much. I keep reading because the story SHOULD be funny and I'm hoping for a payoff, but in the end it's not crafted well enough to deliver.

    "Meh" is the perfect description.

  6. This blog is why the phrase meh was invented.

  7. According to me, today is Thursday. Even though it's really Monday. I'm still off track about what day it is because of the holidays.
    Sorry, just thought that little tidbit would be more interesting than this blog.

  8. There's no way in hell that today is a Thursday. Because that would imply that I'm almost done working this week, and there is no way in hell in this crawlingly slow horror of a week that it's actually Thursday. Oh, yes, it's Monday all right.

  9. Senior Boo-tay, your opinion is noted and appreciated.

    I do not find her funny. Someone is going to show up here and be funny someday, goddammit, and I can't fucking wait.

  10. I'd never heard of the Bloggess before today.

    Not my style.

    Needless to say, today's victim is also not so much my style.

    But I could see why people would like her, if they chose to state such.

    Oh well.

  11. Professor B.--thank you for pointing out the excellence that is the Unbearable Banishment.

  12. Yes, Unbearable Banishment is good stuff.

    I have no clue what day it is. I'm on vacation and my mom is in town visiting and pulls me into some sort of time warp where the days become never ending and the conversations repeat themselves again and again and again.

  13. See? That's what Giuliani did to the city! It used to be edgy and interesting. Now it's safe.

  14. I often think I'm the only person who finds the Bloggess unfunny.

  15. I find the bloggess unfunny. And somewhat insufferable. And too often in my bathroom.


Grow a pair.