Oh Very Young What Will You Leave Us This Time?

Hello Askers, Miss Missives here. Now before you get too excited about my return and soil your pretty little knickers, let it be known that I am only here doing Madame Bellicose a favor. She is one brooding broad but while Miss Missives lay ravaged on her tattered velvet chaise longue nursing a mighty malaise, Madame B. took over her workload wielding that whip from her hand like she was born with it. Now there are clients asking for her by name--that devilish Iron Maiden. Still, I'm glad to be back brandishing red pen and trusty paddle.

Speaking of paddles, today's victim needs to be put over my knee toot sweet. If Chamuca's life had an accompanying required reading list, it would read like this:
Doing Nothing: A History of Loafers, Loungers, Slackers & Bums in America
The Underachiever's Manifesto
How to be Idle: A Loafer's Manifesto
Lazy Daisy
What Your Poo is Telling You(I threw that one in for good measure just because I care.)

Chamuca is lazy. I don't mean lazy like a Sunday morning, I mean lazy like a slug on Quaaludes. Slow and steady can actually win the race but dear, you have to at least put your shoes on and step away from the idiot box. Oh Chamuca, I bet you didn't think you were going to get the mom treatment from Miss Missives today but darling, I whip because I care.

Sometimes Chamuca's writing reminds me a bit of Richard Linklater's Slacker, more characters, less narrative. She even employs the odd but no doubt fitting monikers like Uncle Ponytail Bachelor, Uncle Fighting Illini, Masturbating Cousin and Three-Finger Jack. If Chamuca was a character here and not the author, she'd probably be called Girl Who Refuses to Reach Her Potential. The fact is, Chamuca is a talented storyteller and an adept, if a bit lazy, writer.

She retches her stream of consciousness onto the page and at times it's too meandering for my liking but she has a strong point of view and a decidedly wicked, funny bent. Her writing suffers the most common malady of even great writers, a lack of editing. Now I don't want to scare Chamuca into over-thinking her posts because she posts regularly and sometimes not over-thinking is what gets the job done. Still, if she spewed it out and then went back and cleaned it up later I think it would be so much more engaging.

Chamuca, you are hilarious, candid and yes, a bit of a whore you brother-fucker but you can write the shit out of a story when you pull it all together. Stop giving us everything and just dole out the good stuff. Look at something you have written and keep the broad strokes but eliminate the filler details that don't move the narrative forward. A little of the stream of consciousness is good because that is part of your voice but you need to do some literary Kegels and tighten that shit up.

As for the template and other such nicities, you get a resounding fine. Your template is simple and uncluttered, keep it that way. Your archives are in the preferred drop-down format which makes it easy to go roaming about. You also have a search feature that made it easy to look up what I needed, thank you. Your Blogroll is small enough to be meaningful though you might consider moving it to a tab on your Header.

And Chamuca, if you are going to work for a pittance, dear, fuck Olive Garden okay? Go get yourself a job where you either have time to fuck off and write or a lackey admin job where you can at least make enough money to be able to have casual sex without worrying that your lack of health insurance will make the accompanying vd unaffordable. Stop telling prospective employers you were shit-canned and put that pretty little storytelling mind of yours to good use.

For your work, taken as a whole you get:





With a promise of an IFuckingLoveYou if you tighten up.

For having to dig a bit to find the really good stuff, you get: