Growing Old Grumpily

I can't wait to get old. I sincerely look forward to a time when I can say whatever the fuck I want and people will just put up with it because, "Poor grandma's got dementia". Old people get to sit and watch their programs all the live long day and they don't have to worry about being skinny anymore and their doctors prescribe them really good drugs. And I wouldn't really mind the grim reaper breathing down my neck because I don't really fear death so much as a I look at it as more of a never-ending nap. I like naps. I assumed when I saw the title of today's blog, Grumpy Granny, that I would be peering into the life of someone living out my geriatric fantasy. I got something much different.

Grumpy Granny isn't even that old. She's 52, which may have seemed old to me when I was in high school but not now. A 68 year old woman could die of cancer and I'd shake my head and say, "She was so young." Grumpy Granny is indeed grumpy and also a granny, so her blog is aptly named. What is she so damned grumpy about? Well for one, all the pussy she missed out on the 45 years she spent living as a heterosexual when she is really a lesbian. She's also mighty pissed off about having to help her incompetent daughter look after her two sons. But, sweet Jesus, I'm glad she's doing it anyway. I'm not a perfect parent by any one's definition, but I can honestly attest to the fact that none of my offspring has ever been injured by a firearm. What else is she grumpy about? I'll let her answer that:

Which brings me to one of the reasons why I’m grumpy. I realized just the other day, as I contemplated turning 50 with excitement, that I have been dealing with the fallout of my really bad choice to be a parent for HALF MY LIFE!!!!!!!! Oh, dear god, half my life. I gave birth to my daughter when I was 25, and it’s been downhill from there. I was a very reluctant parent. I never wanted to have kids, never wanted to be married at all. I just wanted to be me, independent and flaky as I was.

That wonderful slice of brutal honesty is from her very first post, folks. She just jumped right into the blog pool with both feet and I love her for it. As I sit here feeding a newborn a bottle of liquid that is so expensive it might as well be fucking melted gold and listening to another one screaming bloody murder in the bassinet because he has a load in his pants, it really makes me wish I had met grumpy granny about a year ago and listened to her sage advice about not having kids unless you are truly committed to the lifetime of sacrifice that entails. I love my children and wouldn't send them back for all the opium in China, but having kids is truly not a gig everyone should sign up for. Grumpy Granny certainly doesn't sugar coat her feelings about parenthood. Check this out:

It’s a horrible horrible thing to wish your own child was dead, but half the time I do. All I can see in her future is misery and chaos. And it seems to be just what she wants.

The problem I have with this blog is that it is, at times, a little too "rambling" for my taste. Some of her posts include far too many uninteresting details about her daily life. But there are certainly some great and focused posts to be found as well. This one tickled me. Grumpy Granny is also a decent poet. Her blog is easily navigable although I don't like the fact that I have to click to continue reading the rest of a post. But that's probably because I'm just really fucking lazy. Her header image is boring and her use of the word "Weblog" in the header title is sort of odd. I know that's where the word "blog" originated from but I just don't see it used anymore. She has a very informative "About Me" section which makes reading her blog more enjoyable and easier to follow.

All in all, I rather like Grumpy Granny and her blog. I do wish she would tighten it up a little bit by concentrating on what's relevant and eliminating inconsequential "I did this and then I did that" type of stuff. But for her honesty and good writing I bestow