Friday, June 11, 2010

Give Him a Hand, Ladies and Gentlemen

I think we all know someone like today's subject of excoriation. I know I do. In fact I know several, many of whom have ridiculously goofy names that sound like cartoon characters. These are large men, typically white Anglo-Saxons, frequently very intelligent, possibly over educated. They hang out at your local bars, or at cookouts, or wherever groups of men gather together to discuss the topics of the day. They almost always take a deep breath before pontificating forth on any topic, and at times release an exasperated sigh when you make a statement that they feel is silly, or naive.

Okay. I'll be honest. I don't know if any of that is an accurate description of Dave Hand, author of Dave's Quills and Pixels, today's blog, but there was just something about the way he turns a phrase or states what he feels are facts that reminded me of these other guys I know. Who do fit that description. To a "t".

What I do know: he's 46, he's a grandfather (and by extension, a father), he's married, he lives in Texas, and he is a conservative republican. (I did find it odd that in his About Me page, he capitalizes 'Husband,' 'Dad,' and 'Grampa', but keeps 'republican' in lower case.)

It just so happens that I am decidedly not a conservative republican. But then, I'm not a liberal democrat. Or even a progressive whig, a despondent communist, or a repressed socialist either. I am unaffiliated, as there is no party that properly represents my view of what direction the USA should be going in. So there are some points with which I was able to agree with Dave on and some points where I wholeheartedly disagreed.

So be it. We live in a country where such differing opinions are welcomed and encouraged.

And honestly, I don't give a rat's ass what your politics are. I'm not here to review your politics -- I'm here to review your blog. So here I go with that.

Dave, my friend, you are one seriously long-winded, meandering son-of-a-bitch. And you tend to hash over the same ground more times than might be necessary, although I suspect that observation was the product of my having read big blocks all at once rather than digesting a single post and then waiting a few days until your next post appeared. It did seem that your favorite non-political topics are "Man, it sucks getting old" and "Man, I was such a sci-fi nerd when I was a kid and I still am!"

There's no arguing that you know how to write. I suppose anyone who was a professional journalist and writing teacher ought to be able to string a few paragraphs together. It just seems at time that you aren't sure what your point exactly is. Which makes it hard to know when you're done covering it.

It comes across somewhat Andy Rooney-ish. And, who knows, maybe that's a compliment.

Your template is relatively clean and uncluttered. Your About Me is informative and clear. You commit damn few grammar or spelling errors. (The inner curmudgeon in me insists on pointing out to you, however, that when you decide to enter a state of repose at the end of a long day, you "LIE" down, not "LAY" down. Lay is a transitive verb and demands an object. Lie is intransitive and therefore is something you can do without an object to act on.) My only complaint about your template is that, as a reviewer wanting to delve into your back catalog, your archive navigation was cumbersome and awkward. My only options were to scroll to the end of the page and see Older Entries, or to use the calendar navigation widget, but that presented pages that did not contain full entries -- only snippets that I had to click through to.

So, that's basically it. Consider editing more or being more selective. Maybe expand your topic base. Fix your archive navigation. Other than that, you're pretty much doing this whole "blog" thing right. I'm going to give you two stars for all of this:

But, my friend, some of the cheap shots really got to me. So, for calling President Obama "Osama Bin Bama", you are getting a flaming finger:

I don't care if you like the guy, or respect him, or respect the office or any of that crap. This juxtaposition was a cheap shot that really has no validity. It'd be like if I called our last president Adolph W. Hitler. George W. Bush was a lot of things, but an evil genocidal madman was not one of them. Likewise, Obama is a lot of things, but an evil terrorist mastermind isn't one of them. Dave, you're better than this. Show some class.


  1. Conservatives are interesting.

  2. To their fellow reptiles, Johnny R.

  3. But W. is an evil genocidal madman. And I like to bake pumpkin muffins.
    Oh, and I was going to click over and read a few of Dave's posts, but decided to just keep doing the laundry instead.

  4. You know what I hate? Illegal aliens! And Obama! And Librls! And the government telling me what shots are good for me! Who died and left THEM in charge, eh? And Muslims! DAMN MUSLIMS! And more than anything else in the world, I hate Half-breed Muslins!

    (And I disagree about him being able to write. That first paragraph in the immigration post doesn't make any sense.)

  5. HYSTERICAL over the 'muslin' sign! You made my day.

  6. Me fucking too. haaaawwwhahahahaha.

  7. We can always count on PITS for some laughs.

    Good review, Scorpio. I have too many republicans in my life right now and am not accepting any more applications at this time.

  8. I went. I saw a write/right 'play on words'. I left.


Grow a pair.