Wednesday, July 21, 2010

It's time to grow up, in your blog and your life.

Just a few years ago I was a broke-ass twenty-four year old girl working at a bar. I don't know how many of you have worked at bars, but believe me: after hours, our waitstaff partied like fucking rock stars. An hour after close people are snorting coke off the bar, fucking in the manager's office and bitching about having no money (irony, bitches). Industry people all have successful life plans that begin with "when." When they own their own bar or when their band makes it big or when they move to Austin or when their boyfriend gets out of the army and proposes their lives will be so much better, the whole thing is very MTV. Their lives are so much harder than everyone else's, their problems are more relevant and colossal, and nothing is ever their fault.

So when I initially started reading Out of the Ordinary, which has since evolved into Sweet Indiscreet, I was totally looking forward to archives full of sex, drugs, hyperbole and zero accountability.

SusieQ (needs to update her "About" page), recently swapped her life as a barmaid for life in a cubicle, which is one of the most asinine transitions a human being will ever have to encounter--almost as asinine as moving from Finland to Scotland. Office politics are all gossipy "did you hear that Barbara left early yesterday?" Instead of "You cocksmoking bag of whores, why didn't you fucking text me last night? I was waiting for you at the bar. And then I drank a bottle Wild Turkey and totally blew Vinnie in the server's alley, and the floor was all wet and I slipped and choked a little, it was so weird. Omigod, don't tell Brian. And...I'm sorry, I know you like Vinnie, but just trust me, he's not worth it...bitch, you know not to leave me alone like that."

But SusieQ gave me nothing nearly as juicy as coke parties and exhibitionism. What the hell kind of bar did she work at? Sure, she’s a bit of a slut and a drunk and an overall hot mess with dramatic, backstabbing friends who accuse her of dramatic backstabbery, and it's all very fun. She seems to have a great deal of ex-friends. It's an industry thing. Even though she isn't the best writer or the best storyteller, the stories themselves are compelling enough.

Unfortunately after the first few months, most of her entries are about being bored, and then we just stop hearing about cool industry drama altogether, and I love industry drama. She gets a second job as a shopgirl selling cigarettes and porn, continues life as a barmaid, and does all of this while studying accountancy and talking about make-up and money and boredom and taking responsibility for nothing and you know what? It's fucking boring.

She plays the just the tip game all the goddamn time, promising to write about something eventually. She starts telling stories that could prove fascinating with no follow through, a blogging habit that appears to leak into her life at school and work. It's infuriating.

If I were to pick one post to sum up Susie's blog, and her life, it would be this one. Random thoughts squeezed together, lots of saying and no doing. You think you deserve a good grade in class? DO THE WORK ON TIME. No one will hire you? DO NOT BE LAZY.

You say you have fantastic stories? TELL THEM. And tell them well, don't fuck around with lethargy and procrastination. Now, let that same kind of dedication carry on over into your personal life.

Sure, she's a brave runaway. I can't imagine what it was like to move to a foreign land at the age of eighteen and cut off myself from my family and friends, emotionally and financially. I can't fathom that. But I am very familiar with broke and in debt, I am familiar with pulling 70-hour weeks in the thankless service industry, I am familiar with student loans, I am familiar with late payments and asking for extensions on rent.

If SusieQ wants to change her life around, she needs to stop spending money on make up and $4 cups of coffee when she is SIX MONTHS BEHIND ON HER BILLS. To save money and get off the couch to lose the weight she complains about, she needs to walk to the store instead of paying to have her groceries delivered. She recently gave up smoking (good girl, cigarettes eat wallets for breakfast), and she found herself a full time job, and those are good steps in the right direction. Still, she's going into accountancy but does not account for herself.

Wake up, SusieQ. It is time to be a fucking grown-up, about your blog and your life. It sucks. But along with it comes some personal clarity that I hear gets better every year, and along with that personal clarity comes better blogging. Tell your stories with self-awareness and responsibility, these things are actually good to have. Don't be afraid of it. You are a frustrating individual with interesting secrets, but you're honest. For some reason I care about you and I want you to do well, as boring as your blog can be. But for that reason alone I'm not going to flaming finger your ass. Probably because I identify. A little.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I once walked in on a friend of mine who was letting a gay guy fuck her up the ass as he looked through the gay porn magazine that was resting on her back.
    So no, no SusieQ is not bad and she's not a slut.
    I could not agree more though, Shiner, that she's not telling her whole story. It's time.

  3. Shiner, I bet your industry stories are amazing. The only time I dipped my pen in the company ink . . .he wouldn't even makeout with me in the walk-in during our shift. But I think he might be gay.

    I agree 100% with your post though. Her writing seems very juvenile and a bit too journal-y for someone who's in their mid-20's. But there's potential for some interesting things, she just needs to write about them.

  4. I was never a slutty cokehead, myself. I was the person everyone blamed. "Why did you let me do that? Why didn't you stop me?" I was the responsible one, which means I laughed and told them they were idiots. Fucking whine, whine, whine. Shut up.

  5. The worst is when you wake up because you passed out on the bar, and you have to head over to the diner to start your breakfast shift at your other job, but you smell like scotch and cigarettes and can't figure out how to get out of the place without setting off the alarm.

  6. Thank god I don't do that anymore.

  7. Yeah, dude. I loved when people would do things like have sex with a homeless person in front of their co-worker, and then get pissed when everyone found out about it.

  8. I should try this "work" thing you people keep talking about.

  9. You know what? The reason I submitted my blog was to get another view of the blog. And it's weird; the club culture is REALLY different up here. No sex, drugs n rock'n'roll, just shitloads of drunken old guys sitting in corners, talking about fishing. There were never any promises of exciting tales of douchebaggery and certainly no snorting involved.

    And what comes to present day; what can I say, sitting in a quiet shop for 8 hours a day isn't that exciting. There's only so many stories I can tell about dusting bananas.

    Now, I'm away to write something that you might hear or might not but maybe will but probably not as I'll completely forget about it.

  10. Susie, I did not work at a club. It was a bar full of drunken old guys talking in corners and eating fried food.

    But the staff was ridiculous.

    What about your background, your history? The story of you running away from home at sixteen and having to go back when you ran out of money...that was a dainty little paragraph that could be easily expanded into something about self-discovery.

    I don't give a shit if there was drugs or not: Don't tell me you HAVE stories. Just TELL STORIES.

  11. And what do you mean no promises of sex? You mention hooking up with co-workers, making friends, making out with friends, losing them, but we never get why. It's just a fleeting sentence..."one day my (ex)friend said something."

    You go through all of this stuff and just pass it off as nothing important and talked about how bored you are. That's fucking cheating.

  12. Ach the stories I could tell of the olden days when it used to be good..

    But I can't, because nowadays I'm stuck sitting on my arse for 8 hours a day, whether it's in the office or in a shop... You know how it is...

    I fully understand what you mean, and I do need to look further into my writing. Maybe actually put some effort into it? There's so many excuses not to. But like you said; it's all about accountability. Now that everything else around me is back on track, it's time to turn my attention back to the blog.

    I'm not talking about turning my life into a freakshow with fireworks and a grand finale all the whilst blogging about it, but I do recognise the need to talk about boredom a tad less. Just a tad though, there still needs to be some whinging involved.

  13. Susie, if you don't have anything to write about now, go back in time and tell a story about something that happened before. No one cares, as long as you're telling an interesting story.

  14. Mongo - that is some seriously messed up shit up in there. Apply the pun if you will.

  15. Yeah MongolianGirl, I feel a little shame just reading a sentence about someone doing that. The big thing I am wondering is, why? $? drugs? feeling needed? You have really piqued my curiosity.

  16. I should have come back to explain, no?
    First, the "mess up shit" line, Zen Mama, I love you for that.
    And, Miss Missives, why? Because she was a power hungry bitch that was convinced getting a guy to fuck her was a sign that she'd won. What she'd "won" I could never exactly figure out. Except maybe she won a comment on some blog review site from an old friend she hasn't seen in over 20 years.
    Ahhhhh...power 20 years ago. It was clearly a completely different animal.


Grow a pair.