Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Wankers

You are all a bunch of wankers. No, not today’s reviewee.  YOU.  The one sitting at there with your eyes glued to your screen of choice.

I got six pissing comments on my last review and three of those were from Shiner. Poor show, people, poor show. That is not to say that I don’t concede that my review may have been pissweak boring, but if you can’t rip the shit out of the reviewee, couldn’t you at least turn on me, telling me what a useless pile of pap my review was and make a day of it?

Pah-thetic.

I have nothing if not an ego that needs to be stroked, even if I put in a starfish performance, so I can tell you, it was an effort not to throw my hands up with a “Fuck the lot of ya’s” and bail on this review. (Insult must be said with broad Aussie accent or else it loses all effect) However, along with my need for validation I also have an overblown sense of responsibility, so here I am.

Fuck you Shiner. Fuck you cause I heart you so much and didn’t want to let you down, cause bugger me backwards – I had to spend an evening with this dickhead.

Kavisolo. You moron. Go back to the heathen shithole myspace den of iniquity from whence you came. (There is no real iniquity in your ‘blog’ – I just like the word) Far fucking out. Ugh. I don’t know who you are or what you do, except stick up youtube clips and photos of yourself. I do know that you have glasses and look like a nerd. Albeit an ironic hipster-ish type nerd. Book. Cover. Judged.

Are you Indian? Gay? That is what I can tell seven pages in but the little legs on my inferential skills are paddling like crazy to keep this semblance of a real person afloat.

Hold the phone – I FOUND something. Page 17. You left Australia fourteen years ago to live in Canada. Well there ya bloody go mate. And shit. I just saw that I was seventeen pages in and you were only in January of this year. I am sorry Kavisolo but even with your minimalist template and lack of side-crap, your stupid way of  only being able to navigate from page to page sucks ass. Wait – hold that telephone receiver yet again my dear reader-come-telephonist. Here we go. Retarded Redpen just hit the archive button and lo and behold all is revealed. The archives appear in one damn funky looking collage. I like this bit.

But the rest sucks. It is all poser crap with ‘I’m-so-clever-cos-I can-find-quotes’ fraudery (it’s a word because I said so) and no writing, at least none that I can be arsed finding.

All style (kinda) and no substance. You miff me in your need to be reviewed. Is it a postmodern joke that I don’t get?

Whatever.

      

18 comments:

  1. What the fuck is it for? I mean, OK, I suppose personal blogs (certainly my own) are often just for dumping 'I liked/saw/felt like x' or whatever, but even that desultory mehness doesn't grasp this...this...I don't even know what to call it. A vacuum? Nothing? A blog that doesn't even bend the subtle fabric of space-time because there's nothing even remotely substantive to force such a bend?

    Or maybe just a load of shite?

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  2. Spot fucking on. I don't give a shit about your ability to use google. I'm much more interested in your ability to reach conclusions other than "this is neat" or "I waste space on the internet."

    If you're going to just post shit you like, TELL US WHY YOU LIKE IT. And do it in an interesting way.

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  3. Unless you're famous, no one gives a shit that you like Billy Joel. Everyone like Billy fucking Joel.

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  4. I personally hate Billy Joel. Ever since that fucker stole Christie Brinkley away from me.

    And I had no idea you were a comment whore, RPR, or I'd have come over here and stroked your ego more. This should make you feel better -- my last review got TWO fucking comments.

    And I fucking love to fucking say FUCK or fucking FUCKING a fucking lot!

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  5. I do find myself singing along to Billy Joel every now and again. And Scorpio, I have to admit that you and Christie were an awesome couple. Where is your love child these days?

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  6. "Bugger me backwards". Ah so quintessentially Australian. I didn't bother clicking on the blog link - I got all my daily jollies from the review. Fuck you're ace when you're angry, RedPen.

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  7. And this makes 8.......happy now RPR?

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  8. Is it a fair 9 if I comment on my own review?

    Where is that Mongolian Girl with all her 'praise' and shit when I need her, huh?

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  9. ps: so now you know Scorpio, now you know. I am a tart for the comments.

    BTW, my ire was also directed at those who did not comment on your latest post either. Losers. They know who they are.

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  10. Miss Missives3/23/2011 11:43 AM

    Mongolian girl will only give you a pumpkin muffin, Miss Missives will give you a proper reach-around. Loved the review, loved fraudery, and even loved blatant need for praise.

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  11. I should have known Reaper was gonna pull some shit like this. It's never, "I can accept things the way they are" it's always fucking whining about shit never being good enough.

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  12. ... someone doesn't understand what a tumbleblog is, and I think it's whoever submitted a tumbleblog for a goddamn review.

    Cus that's exactly what a tumbleblog should be - a smattering of things-I-found-on-the-internet but I don't know why the hell you'd want a review of it. Maybe confirmation that the things you like are things others like?

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  13. I thought the same thing - why the fuck would a Tumblr want a review when we SPECIFICALLY STATE we read blogs for writing?

    But you know what? Fuck it. His funeral.

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  14. I hate Tumblr. Fucking pointless.

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  15. That fucking RedPen. So goddamn needy! Ps: bloody shut up before you out me Shiner. Ain't half obvious when you bring up the crybaby whining.

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  16. You know I have nothing but love for you.

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  17. What on God's Green One is Tumblr?

    Hard to keep up with those young whipper snappers these days.

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Grow a pair.