Monday, July 24, 2006

Mothergoose is Mighty Grim

Holy shit! Talk about a revamp, huh guys? Who knew Pacman could be so sinister? Our designer spent a very very long time getting the template as you see it and basically told our volition to fuck off while revamping but I think it turned out well. Alas, you all know that I'm a wigger now but lets keep that on the down-low if you know what i'm sayin'! Anyway, if you like it let us now and we will gladly pass the love along.

On today's menu is Fairlyland where apparently everyone lives happily ever after. I think happily ever after is only feasible if they never have to deal with this blog. I don't mean to be harsh at all, but all you have to do is click on that link and it will be more than obvious why my fucking eyes are bleeding at the moment.

We'll start with the obvious: There is a page before the page. I have no idea what the technical term for that is, but you could call it a fucking blow job for all I care and it would still leave me absolutely limp. The page is like a giant guessing game seeing as it never says where you have to click to get to the blog, unless, of course, the "enter her" was supposed to be "enter here." Normally seeing the words "enter her" leave me giggling like a school girl and drooling ever so slightly out of the corner of my mouth; however, in this situation it just leaves me wanting to bitch smack someone. If you're going to have this whole page-before-the-page thing before your blog-and I use the term "blog" loosely for reasons I will explain below-at least have the decency to adequately guide people to where they are supposed to go and spell check it.

In order to get from this gloriously retarded page to the actual blog the following events transpired: I moved my mouse around and waited for the mouse indicator to change from a pointer to a little hand or for the text to somehow change color or style. When that didn't work I moved my mouse around to see if an address would appear in my browser so I would know where to click. That didn't yeild a thing. I then just started clicking like a mad man. I felt like I was playing some shooter game with the amount of clicking I had to do before I either found what I was looking for or the gods just started to get really annoyed at my overkill on the clicking front and gave me a miracle. For her sake I'm hoping I just found the spot, because if my miracle was wasted on accessing the rest of this "blog"I will have to hunt her down and kill her via vehement rhetoric. What? I'm a lover.

The "blog" loads, and what do I see? Five fucking lines of text. Five. It took me longer to click-click-click my way into this bitch than it did to read it. And that's about as far as I got seeing as the sidebar is either nothing more than for show, or it ails from the same retardedness that the front page does with regard to serving its purpose of sending you somewhere else.

I will say that the template is pretty cute, and I say that with the broad over-arching assumption that the author of this blog is a high school girl.

Congratulations!
You get and a for having a start page, for having a start page that doesn't say how to get to the main page, for mispelling "here" on the start page, for having links that are for all intents and purposes dead seeing as there is absolutely no indication of where they are, for having all of five lines of text waiting for me after I went through the hell of clicking around trying to get there, and for those five lines of text to be the equivalent of a psycho's hallmark card declaration of love for someone.

You got potential, kid. Get rid of that start page or at the very least make where to click insanely obvious and make the sidebar actually functional, and I would happily take back a few of those glowing fingers and maybe even hand you a few stars for your past posts.

5 comments:

  1. Maybe it was supposed to say enter her... *snicker*

    I couldn't get past 20.1 seconds of the jewelry box music to read those five lines... thanks for the warning.

    BUT, was it good these five lines? Did it say anything remotely spectacular?

    pentamic diameter? NO?

    AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE TODAY FOR FUCKSSAKE?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, it would appear so eh? Eh hoser?

    Tee hee!

    That is one horrendous blog though. Really. I gave up after about four clicks, and I'm happy you got it and I didn't.

    *sticks out tongue* Take that you jizz gobbler!

    We have love. I swear.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Okay, I like the Harry Potter music. Sue me. However, it's kind of strange that there is no option to even turn it off, at least one that may be readily apparent.

    She's 14. That sort of makes this understandable. Not my cup of tea, but it ain't exactly my age bracket, either.

    ReplyDelete
  4. douchebagiknow.12/30/2009 12:55 AM

    I'm sorry, just want to add that it's "iambic pentameter", there's no such thing as pentamic diameter...

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.