Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Better Than Cheese Steak...Not

WHADDUP BITCHES! How 'bout we all give me a really awesome welcome for my first post ever on this here blog review thing we've got going on. I had great plans to go into some fantastic intro seeing as I'm new and all, but I'm too fucking lazy. Fuck breaking the ice, I've got some shit that'll break...um...k, moving on!

On our plate today is a big helping of Nobody Knows Anything. How sweet, I had no idea I was so stupid, thanks for telling me. While I know we're supposed to base most of our critique on content, I just have to talk about the template for a minute. Namely, the color pallette. Mr. MJ, while I'm sure you are much more intriguing in real life than these colors suggest, the general brown/gray thing sent me into narcoleptic fits. And sure, narcolepsy is fun and all, but then again...if the point of me being at your page is for me to READ what you write, sleep-inducing colors are exactly what you DON'T need. I will admit, though, that all the little boxes you've employed to organize the millions of sidebar categories you've got keep the A.D.D. side of me satiated. Maybe the boxes counteract the colors? No, not really.

Aside from the pallette and boxes, I do have to say that your yen for actually telling us the things we should read and listen to and look at is a true sign that you believe in your blog's title wholeheartedly, and I fully feel that everyone should have faith in their message. We indeed know absolutely nothing, so thank you for providing us the material to lurn ourselvs sum nawlege! I'm particularly fond of your Neil Gaiman suggestion...but I can't read, so that copy of American Gods I've got is of no use to me...oh wait, you meant read his blog! Oh! I get it! See, me = knower of nothing.

As for posting, well, let's just say that my brain is expanding exponentially because I'm able to take in so much about the energy crisis in Phialdelphia caused by an insane storm. I can now perform triple bypasses because I was enlightened to that poor woman's impalement by a wayward tree. For that, I am eternally grateful to you. I can also attribute my increased worldliness to your abundant discussion of movies and...movies...and....your uberexciting life...and movies...

I have one question, though. Why does it seem like you can only post on Thursdays? Is that because inebriation is your only inspiration for blogging? If it is, I COMPLETELY GET YOU! We should trade numbers and then we can blog and drink at the same time. What a bonding experience!

IN CONCLUSION! The Philly man's blog is worthy of a couple of these: middle finger.1middle finger.1, at least one of these: cartoon_star.1...

And for good measure, I think I should also hand out a shortbus because I ride it too and I think maybe you and I should sit together some time. Maybe we could talk about Polar Bears International.


  1. I kind of like the template. It reminds me of the tranquil stone garden I bought for my...

    Okay, it is kind of sleep inducing tranquil. I still like it.

    Can I get in on this drink and blog fiesta? Maybe?

  2. Mmm, drunk blogging. Sign me up.

  3. I LIKE THE BOXES! Seriously, the boxes make a decent attempt at counteracting the sleep effect...and I guess, relatively speaking, it's a nice contrast to all the fucking blogs out there that seem to vomit color like they're anorexic...but still!

    And yes, I say we all blog drunkenly! We should petition a national drunken blogging holiday or something.

  4. Pardon me, I meant bulimic. Go bulimia!

  5. Thanks for the review. I'm trying to post more than just on Thursdays, I swear. TJ, you are the apple of my eye, I swear. We can drunk-blog anytime.

  6. Don't be hating on Polar Bears.

    TJ, you got it right. This blog IS yawn-inducing.

  7. Don't be all ass kissing, MJ! I'm such a sucker for that shit ;)

    K, next Thursday we'll drunk blog! ALL OF US!

    Aw, Fiery Balls, I love polar bears! That's why I thought it'd be nice to talk about with MJ! I'm all about the love.


Grow a pair.