I think I found my soulmate.

Every once and a while, apparently, I sit down and actually read a blog. It takes a damn near miracle to get me to read anything, so obviously I take this review job very seriously and do my best to make it seem like I read what people write--especially when it's in novel form right there on my computer screen--and pick at it with not only a fine tooth comb fit for a PhD in English, but I like to fluff up my afro with an afro pick fit for a Masters in Fine Arts too. [/sarcasm]

For anyone who knows me, they can just read the description of the glorious blog on display today and know that I am in love mother fuckers.

The blog? Viva Carlos Dinero . The description?

"Pissing people off and making them feel insignificant, one moron at a time. "

Can I get a forlorn sigh of smitten and a hell yea (and a total overlook of that misplaced coma)?

The first post is about football, the one sport I'm insane over and seriously pine over the entire off-season (please note that I have September 7th emblazoned on every single calendar and planner I own). Second post is about the fucking awesome Ricky Bobby, a movie that I think I've insanely PR'ed into it's position of first at the box office since I sneak previewed it two weeks before it's release date. The rest of the posts go on and on about how people fucking suck and all the shit he hates.

He writes magically. So magically I feel a tingle in my panties when I gloss over such awe inspiring text as:

"As predicted, this movie blasted my balls into a state of complete and utter shock that they've never experienced before. That's saying something since Dale's mom is a magician of the cock region. My nutsack hasn't been this worked over since the night Dale's mom set the world record for speed-bag punching with her tongue, if you know what I mean."

Be still my beating heart, and be swept away in the tidal wave of passion that is flowing forth from my love canal.

And who is Dale? None other than Steve the Pirate. ARGH! He'll be paying his memebership via a split of buried treasure, once he finds it that be.

Oh yea, the template is the standard black blogger template with really no changes at all to it

I give it , oh fuck it. Boy you know it's true, ooo ooo ooooo .

You also get a heartfelt , because I hate falling in love with people based only on text, and I hate the fact I have to go make a cum shrine to you.

Consider me your first blog stalker (if I'm not the first, lie to me baby). I can see us engaging in fun tiffs over the conjugation of the word "badass," while you give me a purple nurple and I give you an atomic wedgie. I have dancing visions of watching a football game between the Cowboys and the Patriots and the shit-talking and domestic violence calls from the neighbors that will ensue. I can see us growing old together and you still thinking you're better than me at everything, and me playing along even though I know I wake up in the morning and piss excellence just so you keep putting out for me.

*sigh*

You had me at blood and semen.