Thursday, September 14, 2006

Major Payne

Sometimes when I find I have too much time on my hands, I just sit on them. Other times I blog-scan for interesting people with neat-o things to say. Often times I am successful in entertaining myself with a well written rant or a even *gasp* a meme.

I look for creativity, not so much theme. Entertainment, and not so much ho-hum. That being said, Payne by Name was a difficult website to review. Yes, I said website damnit... Because we put on our big girl panties here sometimes.

Malted Balls has great big girl panties by the way - they give me panty envy.

Payne by name is a website about a man, by a man, and all things that this man thinks. He has divided himself into sub-columns and pushed himself into the World Wide Web on display... Like a zoo for his brain, only a bit more interesting.

Nothing sparked my epileptic seizures on his template like some others with flashing shit cluttering up the sidebar like a blink-fuck-a-thon megafest. In fact, his template was boring as hell with a dollop of cream. I do believe he has built his own web design with a creative engine instead of having somebody design it for him, so it is customizable to the extent of his creativity. That could say little to somebody, but it says a lot to me.

If I was scanning the web and came across this webpage, I would hit "Back" quickly... It just didn't catch me. Sorry Payne.

Diving into each and every topic on his page was like picking a "What do I want to read about today in Payne's head" thingy (which sorta creeped me out). At least he gives us the choice of having a happy read, or a sad read... So, variety is the spice of life.

If I was Payne's buddy and I wanted to read his most recent "Bitch or Banter" where would I do that? Would I have to guess? Do I have to call him? Check in once a week? So many questions.

I suppose, in a way, he has this outlet for himself and anybody else interested in knowing about him. I could see this as a plus... But, I just can't see this being a memorable site I would like to bookmark unless I was sleeping with him.

The content and writing style is a whole 'nother subject. I opted not to read the tremendously long pieces but reveled in the shorter rants, observations, and gallery. Plus, I liked the women tab... It's always good to know what a man thinks of women.

Now if I could only figure out what he was thinking. Really, what language are you speaking dude?

"Arsehole blokes who act like twats in club, pubs and cinemas or the silly slags that hang around with them, massaging their ego, giggling at their idiocy and making them believe that acting that way is ok because you will still get girls."

HA. He said twat.

*laughs hysterically, throws paper airplane at wall and says "twat" aloud*

Payne, it's like this. Try and spice your template a bit. Make your homepage a bit more "drawing" so that people actually WANT to know about you. Check the length on your additions and continue to say it like you mean it.

You are pure unadulterated person and that is refreshing because you beg not to be something you're not when you write, and you don't try too hard. It's just kind of unfortunate that they get bored before they have a chance to dazzle a bit.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting I'm giving you this because your template blows for interest.

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingOne of these because... Well,I'm still bent about Malted Balls wearing my panties.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Only since I really LOVED the para-jumping picture. Heh, and you said twat too.


  1. I like Payne's site. A lot, in fact.

    I have to agree that the template is pretty plain and gets tricky to navigate, but I think his writing more than makes up for the lack of template flavor.

    It's sickeningly well organized, so naturally I like it. Who knew OCD could be a benefit to someone else?

  2. I totally agree. His writing was fun to read as long as the content wasn't exasperatingly long.

    If he added some random pictures to the pages of his "posts" too it would help.

    I think on that home page that you first come to when you enter, he should really put effort into something that make you want to click on the subheadings...

    Other than that, it was a difficult one to review because though his template wasn't the greatest he really writes for himself, and in my experience people who do that are A-ok in my book.

    Now, where did I put that leather hood?

    I couldn't leave a comment for him to tell him he was reviewed... I do hope he knows. Kitty Kat....

    Happy Friday.

  3. Thank you for your honest review and opinions. I deduce that you weren’t impressed with it and I’m grateful that you expressed this through thought and reason rather than a dismissive ‘fuck off and die, you loser’.

    I take on board, and expected, your comments on the layout of the site. The creative opportunities on the website package that I received are quite limiting and as I didn’t want accusations of ‘style over content’ tried to make it as simple and clear a design as possible, whilst I concentrated on adding some meat to the bones.

    When you said ‘What do I want to read today inside Payne’s head’’ is exactly what I was trying to achieve. I prefer to let the mood/interest of the reader govern what they read rather than be shoe-horned by what was my most recent entry. I read a blog/site because I want to get inside another person’s head, despite how creepy that might be, and hence the more varied topics the better.

    I realise that it is hard to know what content is new but I didn’t want to imbue priority to certain posts as I hoped that they would always be relevant rather than pertinent to that day or week. I also hoped that if anyone did return they would remember what they had read.

    I know some of my posts are long and I can see how this would be off putting to some / many. I personally feel unsatisfied with short pieces, finding it harder to really gauge the writers tone and thoughts. I realise its ‘horses for courses’ but am aware that trying to second guess your audience means that not only are you being dis-honest to yourself but could also lose those readers that prefer the ‘real’ me.

    With nearly a year of material under my belt, maybe now is the time to consider a new look. I do worry that the frustration of setting it up could be distracting and lead to dis-interest in continuing with it. As a friend said to me, it’s like having a car full of petrol but it be restricted with a couple of flat tyres.

    Once again, thanks for your comments and for taking the time to peruse my site before making your review. I accept a lot of the criticisms but draw comfort that you liked some of the writing and that a fellow sufferer enjoyed observing my OCD.

    Keep up the good work. Cheers

  4. Actually, I liked this site alot aside from it's confusing organization. Payne, do you think you could date the posts or in some way separate your opinions on all these disparate subjects? It is a bit much.

  5. It depends what kind of blog interface you're using, but redesigning isn't terribly difficult. It's obnoxious as all hell (note, collapsible menus are the death of me), but it's doable. Even adding color makes a big difference.

    I agree with Trouble. Dating the posts would help, A LOT.

  6. Personally, when i go to a blog, I'm looking for a more "chapter book' type of experience, where I'm lead along from one entry to the next. If I like the first, I'll read the next, and possibly dig through the archives, etc. A good story makes you WANT to read the foot notes, etc.

    This is more like the experience of reading an encyclopedia. You have to know what you're looking for before you go in, because there's no direction from the author.

    Payne, I kind of understand your reasoning - but also believe that a truly talented writer is responsible for being a good "tour guide" through the reading experience. At least, that's what I think a lot of people are looking for when reading blogs.


  8. Totally cutting edge. I want to roll with you dudes.


  9. Thanks again for your further comments.

    I do date the journals but don't see how dating other sections would make a difference. Surely if you wanted to read my thoughts on a given film/rant/observation you would scroll down until you saw the title of one that you liked or took your interest.

    I hoped lumping together my thoughts on the various topics in the left hand navigation bar would make it clearer for someone to see my thoughts on say women, rather than randomly trawling my archives for the time I happened to mention women.

    Finally, I don't provide direction because I'm not sure who might be perusing, what mood they are in or what things might interest them. If they are pissed off they might want to read someone sounding off on a range of rants, if feeling low they might want to read about relationships and if wanting to be bored senseless will attempt the journals!!

    I'm not being snitty, whiney or argumentative, just wanted to respond to your comments.



Grow a pair.