Wednesday, October 04, 2006

What Do I Know About Being A Mommy?

I got the e-mail announcing my chance to let the world in on the little secret that I am the most revered and awesome blog deity the world has to offer, and I have to admit I was super stoked. I'm not big on keeping secrets, and I love finding new awesome blogs. Most of the blogs reviewed on this site are usually pretty effin’ sweet, so imagine my happiness when I click on the blog I get to review, and it’s…how to put this politely…a total mommy blog. I don’t even think mommy blog is the right phrasing, because all this blog talks about is their child. That’s it. Nothing else, really. There are a few exceptions, yes, but most of it is about little Jake. Alright, time to swap my balls for more than just a pocket pussy. I will be as objective as I possibly can be given the fact I would run for the hills and immediately click the red box if I ever did stumble onto this blog.

*hits his bong a few times*

Ladies and Gents, I present Baby Steps.

*hits the bong a few more times*

Okay, I can’t be objective. The template makes me want to gouge out my eyes with a dull spork. Little multi colored dots have that effect on me, what can I say. I can see how the template goes with the theme of a baby, but there are more aesthetically pleasing ways of making things look childish, like scribbles, little robot dudes, or even a hint of color and fun. I also suggest rolling up the archives. So, yea. Other than the whole eye gouge out factor of the template and the archives, well done!

The content is good, if you’re into the mommy blog thing. The story about the little tyke’s un-descended testicle made my own testicle retreat back into my body. Poor little guy. At least it’s fixable and he won’t really remember anything about the operation, right?

I give it because I really have no frame of reference to compare it to, and just because I'm a mid-twenties jock and hate mommy blogs, doesn't mean that this is a piece of shit blog. Anyone in the house with some clout into the world of mommy blogs feel free to disagree or agree.

You also get a because I got a jock reputation to keep, and that template really did makle me want to pull an Oedipus on my eyes.

Best wishes for the kids speedy recovery!
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  1. Well, I personally dislike mommy blogs, but I understand their purpose. I also dislike this template. There's a million free one's out there that would fit the bill. The testicle thing, I could have lived without knowing.

  2. ummm... I'm a mom, and I blog, and I don't mind reading some "mommy blogs". But everything about this one was pretty dull.

    I have a feeling she writes it to keep out of town family and friends in the loop or something. That's the only purpose i can imagine this serving.

  3. Actually, that template IS a free one; one that is in the standard Blogger library. So anyone could sign up, pick a template and be live in five minutes for no money. Problem is, everyone picks this one.

    Most mommy blogs serve to keep family up to date, or keep track of their own thoughts and to have a record of this time. At least that's how mine started out. And then all of a sudden you get readers and everyone's a critic.

    Two million visitors later I still get shit, now mostly for taking advertising. Gotta buy groceries somehow.

  4. I'm not a mommy, unless being a pet owner counts as being a mom, but there are some mommy blogs I do enjoy. They don't focus singularly on the fact they have a kid, though like Miss Britt. I know everyone thinks their kid is the most awe inspiring thing in the world, but to any non-parent that display of total egocentrism on the behalf of something that shits in a diaper is obnoxious as hell. At least I think.

    I somehow think that mommy-blogging has replaced the need for familial interaction. My sister-in-law blogs, and oddly enough, I've never seen a single thing about her two kids on there. Not one. She has an update, she calls my parents or her parents. Pictures serve as an awesome time-reference. It just seems pointless to focus on motherhood [or fatherhood, if that is the case] in a blog. I know it's exciting and fun, but it's the equivalent of getting into a relationship and letting that close the door on every other facet of your being.

    Perhaps it's just my opinion.

    As for her template, ouchies on the eyeballs. No idea what Mindy is talking about concerning the "free" statement, but free doesn't mean good, and offerred doesn't mean you should use it. I've never really seen that template in use, so maybe it's mommy-blog specific.

  5. Oh, and regarding the "everyone's a critic" statement, I'm not much of a critic unless people specifically ask me to be one.

    And by ask I mean fill out the form on the left, click submit, and tacticly consent to being critiqued.

    Otherwise, I just click next, close the window, or mutter "who would write this crap?" to myself.

  6. I think Mindy was referring to my comment about other free templates. And, yes, I know this is a free template, I almost picked it for my own blog when I was just starting out. I was simply stating that there are other free templates other than what blogger offers that look better. Hell, there are other standard blogger templates than look better than this one.

  7. Oh, and I don't mind reading some posts about kids, but to have an entire blog about your kid seems to take the "Family Christmas Letter" to a whole 'notha level.

  8. What. A. Fucking. Drag.
    I don't even go this mommyish to keep the family up to date stateside.
    "200 hundred days old" Creamed Christ on Toast Lady, you need to get the fuck out of the house more often. I wonder how junior will feel in a few years when he finds out mommy told the world he had a defective testicle.

  9. Who doesn't want the world to know about their defective testicle?

    How much cooler is it that mom busts out the ol' laptop and blog when your girlfriend comes over? I mean, that photo album is embarassing, but the blog? WAY! better. Now girlfriend can be up to date with everything going on in boyfriends life with a few clicks of a mouse.

    It's all about staying connected. Right?!

  10. I've got three words for you. Rock. Star. Mommy

    Best mommy blog ever.

  11. What's worse, mommy bloggers who only blog about their kids or bitches who blog only about their boyfriends/husband? Me? I hate both equally.

  12. Balls swoops in to save the day and give a prime example of Mommy Blog gone AWESOME! Thank you!

    I'm going to have go with mommy bloggers who only blog about kids being worse. I can relate to bitching about the fun of relationships, plus sometimes it's insanely amusing to hear what happens to people.

    What? Like you don't feel better when you read about someone else experiencing worse in the same arena?

  13. That duck needs to be used more, 'cause he fuckin cracks me up.

    I didn't bother reading it. I may play Mr. Mom effortlessly, but I'm not about to go read about some kids poor testicle.

    Doesn't help that the template made my body spasm so violently my mouse hit the wall, and the browser closed.

  14. Hey all,
    I actually am quite pleased with the review and thought that it would be pretty harsh. I didn't mean to come off that way in my post if it sounded like I was disappointed. I wanted to post the link and wanted to sum it up in case some of the grandparents and such who read my blog didn't want to read your site. You know how old people can be.
    I was kind of hoping for some good old fashioned slamming. Next time... You guys are pretty good at that kind of stuff, especially with the horrid mommy blogs that are out there. I try to keep mine more interesting and funny than the routine cutesy baby/mommy crap, and I just wanted to see what you guys would say.
    And I've been meaning to get around to the dots. I rarely open the actual page or play with the template, so maybe this is the motivation I need to get that done.
    So thanks! Have fun this weekend.


Grow a pair.