Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I Just Had Five Bourbon's With Two Cubes Of Ice-Dare Me To Review?

For those of you who had any doubt in your mind, I think this officially proves that I am Kitty's bitch. I mean, here I am on a Tuesday of a week I have off at a friend's house who's parents were nice enough to let me partake in the family festivities inherent to Thanksgiving writing a fucking review. What's more? I actually had to yell at a member of this lovely family to get the fuck off the computer so I could finish this review before Little Miss Tyrant could log in. The last thing I need is to hear a girl with a relatively low voice yell at me in tones that even make pigs cringe.

So, here I be. Thanksgiving is a pretty fucking depressing holiday for me, mostly because I have no living family in this country and the family that lives overseas may as well not exist seeing as I've never met them. Family holiday's in general get me a little down, but I am more thankful than words could express that a dear friend of mine and her family have taken me in, so to speak, and allow me to spend those crucial family holidays with them. Good thing I'm too manly and buff to cry, bitches. Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I've imported my niece to help me review today and by import I mean she's sitting on my lap and isn't too keen on moving. Yes I'm aware that anyone paying attention to anything I type, which I'm highly doubting, knows I have no family. Let me explain: My niece is actually the daughter of a good friend, who happened to be my roommate for six years. Seeing as the kid is five that means I've been Mr. Mom for a long, long time. Capiche?

Thank the lord today's blog isn't a fucking train wreck. In fact, Newsbitch is pretty awesome I must say. The template rocks. "Lady-Night" is well organized, with aesthetically pleasing and emasculating colors, and "Dark Silence" is dark and ominous with a girl in the header that apparently looks like someone who could be my sister...if I actually had a sister that be. Don't ask me, ask my niece. I think I look completely different with smokey eyeliner going down to my cheek bones and I could never pull off a maroon crush velvet corset with my love handles, but what do I know?

I prefer the "Dark Silence" option, but my only complaint, if it can be called that, is I don't understand why the chick in the header is "Shh"ing me. I'm thinking if you're a bitch, and a NewsBitch at that, you'd be more than "shh"ing someone. You'd be backhanding them into submission and taking their nut sack as collateral for looking at you wrong, no? Maybe that's just Kitty the bitches I know. I also am not sure I like how the navigation tabbing is aligned, either. I think it would look better if there was some space between the header and the actual blog box, or maybe make the link font mirror the post title font.

The content is almost as fantastic as the template choices. No need to go into much detail seeing as she writes what's on her mind, and she does it insanely well. She's someone I would add to my daily reads and I may once I return to work and can add her to my bookmarks. I do have to say that it kind of shocked me that she is married at the tender age of 22, but I suppose that just makes me feel insanely old and lonely, which all goes back to my general hate for all family holidays.

Bah-fucking-hum bug.

Naturally, Mrs. Newsbitch because your template(s) are awesome, your content is awesome, and you made this whole reviewing-while-on-vacation process relatively enjoyable.

And my niece gives you a because she thinks it's cute. Yes, I'm aware it has naughty words on it, but don't get all huffy-puffy with me for using offensive language around a 5 year old. We're from New York City. Offensive language doesn't exist in The City.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! If anything, enjoy the time off!


  1. Love your blog!! Always interesting. Check out http://thenightlyquill.com/

  2. Thankyou thankyou thankyou! I seriously thought I was going to get ripped a new one!



Grow a pair.