Monday, November 20, 2006

A Public Service Announcement.

Vacation fucking rocks.

Yea, I said it! I've been on vacation for nearly two weeks, and aside from being sick as a mother fucker shortly after arriving home, it has been glorious. It honestly makes me wonder why I even bother showing up for work to begin with...I mean, is unemployment really that bad?!

Anyway, on account of "Fuck Over a Turkey" Day [ No, I'm not partial to turkey's nor am I a vegetarian, I just hate turkey. I don't like chicken either. Figure that one out], we here at Ask and Ye Shall Receive, like you all, are taking a wee little vacation. Well, everyone but GNVP and me that is, because I've been dubbed the big kahuna of this site, and he's my bitch. Thus, there will be no reviews after Tuesday, and we'll be back to our regularly scheduled program promptly on Monday morning, with a bit of a site revamp. Hopefully.

Also, if you've signed up to be a guest reviewer [and haven't completely forgot], keep your eyes posted for your turn to post. It's been rather hectic on our end, but we haven't forgotten about you! I promise.

Right. So, on with the show. A Woman Less Ordinary didn't need to do much to win my heart over. In fact, the minute the page loaded and I read the blog description--"There are two kinds of power. The power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked"--by Yaldah Tovah who is not only an avid writer about the healthiness of a woman's submissive sexual behavior, but also happens to be a friend of my mother. Strange huh? And no, I shit you not. Small world, huh?

Anyway, the header image is FAB-O-LOUS! It's pure perfection! Aside from the fact it goes with the whole BDSM vibe of the blog, nothing can beat a hot sexy woman in plethor controlling a marionette man. Men don't seem to understand this, or even admit to know this, but women really do control you. No, don't try to say otherwise. We do. Accept, internalize, and move on.

She hasn't posted in nearly a month or so, thus, I'm not going to go into too much detail regarding her blog other than to say little nuggets of wisdom that pertain to all ye fellow bloggers out there.

  • Make sure things look relatively similar in IE as they do in Firefox. I know it's a pain in the ass, I know if things look okay for you then who cares-but, it does kind of matter and you wouldn't be blogging if you didn't at least want some readership, right? You don't have to go out of your way to accommodate things, but make sure things are at least readable and somewhat resemble what you intend your blog to look like.
  • Sidebars should never be half of your blog area. NEVER! I think it's mandated in some blogger code of ethics that the sidebar should be minimal, and not a focal point. Along with that, the post area should be as large as allowed by your chosen template. People are there to read, and nothing makes things more unreadable than seeing a post that goes on for-ev-er. Think back to school, people. If you had a reading assignment that was 5 pages you'd be more apt to read it than a 10 page assignment, even if they are the same exact reading and the only difference is font size or margins.
  • Have a method to your sidebar madness. Put whatever you want in there, I don't give a fuck, but at least let people in on the scheme. If you have multiple link sections explain why they are separate, otherwise it's just kind of peculiar and irksome.
  • See how big your screen is? Good. Now try and make your blog area utilize as much of that as possible. I'm not saying there shouldn't be a background of sorts, but I am saying that background should not take up a cumulative half of the screen. Get it? Good!

Seeing as it's nearly December, I'm hoping things are all good with her and her baby boy. I still send her well wishes, though.

Anyway, I'll spare you how much it pisses me off when people submit and never give a shit about their review, or just seem to stop blogging all together. The latter I suppose is understandable because life does happen, but the former? Why make us put effort into it if all you want is blog traffic?

Have an awesome "Fuck A Turkey Over" Day! Relax, enjoy stuffing your faces like no other, and usher in the holiday season that makes me happier than a pig in shit. Why? It means I get a lot more students in the martial arts classes I teach and who doesn't like making more money?!

5 comments:

  1. Nice list of no-nos. You might want to add "don't make me scroll horizontally, you no-game dickwad," but you'd probably want to address your own template first.

    At 800x600, still used by a significant percentage (about 17%) of users, your own page requires horizontal scrolling.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know? I have no fucking clue why anyone would want to use such a resolution, nor do I care.

    If the remaining 83% of the population views things just snazzy, well I'm sorry to say that the remaining 17% can kiss my olive brown Hawaiian hiney.

    And was it necessary to call me a "no-game" dickwad, when you sit there commenting as an anonymous little asswipe?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Actually, I was referring to the lazy layout person, which isn't you. But thanks for stepping up to the plate; that combination of cluelessness and carelessness is good enough for me.

    Tell you what: you figure out how to switch off those pesky anonymous comments in Blogger (requires no game, which you claim to have), and I'll get a Blogger account. Then I can sit here commenting as a pseudo-anonymous asswipe, kitty kat.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lazy layout person? As in your comment above which stated that our page requires you to have a horizontal scroll bar because of the "resolution for the visually challenged" you use had nothing to do with this blog or me? I either need a few more shots of espresso, or you need a few lessons in how to make a cogent argument, which would surely let you on in the secret that you can't refute a point that's been written out in black and white.

    Fine. No more anonymous comments, are you happy? I allowed them because not all the blogs we review are blogger blogs and I like people to be able to have input, but once again a pseudo anonymous asswipe has ruined it for everyone.

    Props!

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.