Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Suck A Tit Just Found New Meaning.

I have to admit that I'm happy to be back. I'm even more happy to be alive. In fact, let me just take a minute to expand upon this overwhelming joy I have for my life, okay?

I, the very hot, Good'n'Very Plenty actually had pneumonia, bronchitis, and strep throat at the same fucking time. Not in rapid succession. NO! At the same fucking time! And I got to play the fun game involving which was greater-my desire to breath or my desire to swallow without writhing in total pain-and then take that course of antibiotics until completion, and then follow that up with the next round of antibiotics. I was literally on my death bed, and my own girlfriend was scared to come into my apartment let alone close enough to me to help me out, for fear that she too would get my diseases. What makes it even better is that while I was on my death bed, I actually had to get up and fly a plane and pretend I wanted to snowboard in sub-zero weather. Pity me, fuckers. PITY ME!

Pity me more because I get the displeasure of reviewing Comments from the Peanut Gallery . Why should you pity me? Just click on the link and, DEAR FUCKING GOD! It's a mother fucking ticker farm. Do you see that? As if that wasn't bad enough, one of them actually documents how long this chick has been breast feeding for. Listen lady! Unless you have pictures of you shooting milk in erotic ways into a guys mouth, I don't give a shit what comes out of your nipples, and I think I can safely say that no one else on the internet does either. Mama Milk only rocks if it's in the porn I'm watching. Get it? Got it? Stop advertising it in a non-rated X way.

The template is a standard blogger template, and you can read that however you want it but if you read that as "total snoozefest" then you read my fucking mind. The side bar is forever long and has tons of random shit that I'm really not keen on looking at because I'm seriously scared I may find out the exact size of her post-birth vagina in some kind of ticket format.

Lets get down to the brass tacks, shall we? It's a mommy blog in every sense of the word. I'm not a woman, I'm not a mommy, I don't find anything about breastfeeding acceptable unless it's on my computer screen and comes in the form of a 10 second clip. If you're a mom or into the mommy-blog scene, then this is probably right up your ally. If you aren't, then don't even bother clicking the link, unless you don't believe me that she actually chronicles the amount of months she's been breastfeeding. Seriously, she is. I swear.

I give it a because it's not her fault I, the anti mommy blog poster child, got stuck reviewing her blog.

I also give it a because...how to put this? Just because you have a blog and just because you have readers does not mean they are interested in how long you've been breastfeeding for. You had a baby, obviously people can pretty much assume you got a baby suckin on your tit.


11 comments:

  1. I'm not really an anti-mommy blogger. I mean, hell, I'm a mom and I blog all the time.

    But jayzus....

    I know your children are precious to you, but I do not need to know how long they were attached to your tit. or still are.

    To be the most specific, the mommy bloggers who get on my nerves are the ones whose identity starts and stops with their mommyness. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring.

    Shit. I nursed both of my kids and carried a freaking breast pump to work and pumped in the bathroom for six months, but you don't see me going around the internet bragging about it and looking for some sort of titty medal.

    (until now)

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  2. by the way, I missed you, hotness.

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  3. I would be interested to see documentation of the shrinkage of her post birth vag. I bet that would make her husbands dick twitch everytime he logged in. Well, at least until he scrolled down far enough to remember he has two kids, a woman who is gleefully obsessed with breast feeding, and then I'd assume he'd go right back to half mast.

    I know nothing about breast feeding, other than I have no intent to do it, but isn't 9 months a bit long to have your kid on the tit? Shouldn't he be delving into the gerber baby food revolution by now?

    Mommy bloggers. I swear. Nauseating.

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  4. 9 months is still within reason, without verging over into scary hippyness. I had to check and make sure she wasn't still nursing the almost 2-year-old (when they can talk to you in complete sentences you know you have been nursing too long).

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  5. I've always felt that when they can help themselves, it's time to stop.

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  6. ahhh...breast feeding. my brother claims that he could have been the next einstein if my mom actually did it, seeing as there's studies that show that breast feeding improves intelligence.

    i say he's smart enough. i mean c'mon. i have enough trouble trying to fake being half as intelligent as him.

    that blog sucks. and that's all i have to say about that.

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  7. I missed you too my little Love Bite.

    I didn't even read the blog. I scrolled down far enough to see more pictures of children than Michael Jackson has in his boudoire and clicked the little red "X" box.

    I too would be interested in a vaginal shrinkage ticker, if only to know how much stretching out I have to look forward to should I ever get married.

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  8. E, it would be a scary world if your brother was more intelligent. Can you imagine how big of a cock sucking, sarcastic, fucker he'd be if he were smarter?

    It gives me chills.

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  9. Hey nice blog. Although it�s not what I was looking for. I am looking for info on Payday Loans . I found your blog very interesting

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  10. You know, good, the doctors can always put in an extra stitch and a woman can end up tighter after having a child than she started out.

    put your brain around that one.

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Grow a pair.