Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Mmmmmm MEAT!

The Knicks suck but they are my team; however, I'm not going to lie that I want to kill the lovely Miss Kitty Kat for having tickets to the NBA Finals and not taking me. I'm 6'8'', thus it goes without question that I loves me some BBall. Hell! It's the only sport out there that doesn't make me feel like a total fucking freak for how strangely tall I am especially for a Jew. Say it with me: Bitch. Alright, I just had to get that out of the way. Onto the good shit: Crabby's Cowpie Field, the blog of a supposed Mensa member from Ohio who admits to horrible spelling and exhibits that admittance at every chance.

I'll admit, my city-boy ass that thinks central park is all the rural anyone should ever need doesn't get the title at all but at least she has a cow theme, which is refreshing given the lack of connection between whacked out blog titles and their templates. The template isn't horrible. The cow print on the background is fitting, but I have to say that the three-column layout does not ever work on such a narrow blog area. Widen that shit up so it's like throwing a toothpick in a volcano! It looks like your blog is floating in a sea of cow print when in reality it should resemble a blog with a mootastic background. In all honesty, I don't see why she has the three-column layout to begin with. I'm not anti-three column layouts, but they have to be implemented correctly. (please hold while I pat myself on the back for rocking), and here it's just not. She can easily circumvent this by rolling up those archives and moving everything over to either a right or left column. There are options! But definitely widen up that blogging area. DO IT!

Luckily, the content has nothing to do with cows. THANK YOU LORD! There's only so much my Yankee-Doodle can take before it's permanently flaccid. The bulk of her posts on the main page have to do with the always pimptastic experience of dealing with the loss of a loved one, but she does it in a way that doesn't make you sit there in an introspective shit storm of sadness. Nay nay! She does it in a way that, where I a school girl, would make me giggle. Everyone can appreciate a critical look at the ridiculous way our world works, and that appreciation even extends to the funeral business, which is displayed most wonderfully here. I mean, think about it-you cremate someone and there they are sitting all quaintly on your mantle. It's freaky. What's more fun? The way people fight over the dead person's possession like a bunch of pubescent boys who are facing the last poontang on earth, and not like a person they love just kicked zee bucket. And have you ever noticed that you really do get charged for the refrigeration of your loved one as if there is another option? I say you not pay the refrigeration fee and let the funeral fuckers deal with the stench of a decomposing body, and maybe then they'll think twice about making you pay for that shit! REBEL AGAINST THE SYSTEM AND FUCK KITTY IN THE ASS FOR GOING TO THE NBA FINALS!!

Maybe I'm a sick fuck, but I dig it. I don't have time to go splish splash through the archives, but I assure you it's on my to-do list.

I give it .

Fix the template issues, and remember to Crabby.


  1. You're so cute when you're jealous. Really. It makes me want to squeeze your little cheeks.

  2. I humbly thank you for not putting us on the short bus. I was sure that's where I'd end up.

    (just between us) Dude, Mensa wouldn't let me in if I showed up with pizza and a keg. Closest I ever came to intelligent was when I cheated on one of those home IQ tests. Totally screwed with Bob's head.

    We hear ya' on the template and we'll work on it, whenever I can get Milkmaid to stop partying and get back behind the curtain with her duct tape.

    GO CAVS!

    PS. Glad your doodle is still waving proudly at full mast.

  3. I never imagined you being that tall...It's rather awe-inspiring. Do you also have humongous feet?

  4. ` I am a longtime reader of Crabby's. She's less blog-active than she was, but I can vouch for her creativity, and there's plenty of total lunacy in the archives.

    ` Mmmmmmmm. And, as a pervert, I wonder if any of my stuff would make your Yankee-Doodle give me a salute?

    ` (BTW, here is my most evocative depiction of myself... Mua ha ha!)


Grow a pair.