Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Shady's Back, Tell A Friend

Well, well, well.

How are you, my friends? I see the claws came out towards my Mistress. Don't make me bring the hammer down. I'll only say this ONCE.

Lay. The. Fuck. Off. Or. Face. My. Considerable. Wrath.

Moving on.

Daddy's home! Happy to see me? Thought so. I owe two reviews, since I was persona non grata last week. What was I up to? Oh, this and that. Dogtracks, strip clubs, swim meets and cigar stores featured prominently. Also, Patron, Corona and Amarula. If you've never had Amarula, seek it out. Makes Kaluha taste like feet. Trust me. Unless you're into feet. Which I'm not. But I digress.

So, first up is Holy Shit! We're Gettin' Hitched!. I'm assuming that your Mom doesn't read your blog, or is quite liberal in you having a website with the word "shit" in the title. Not that I give a shit, I think it's awesome, quite frankly. If I could title a blog "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKblog" I totally would. So, okay, let's take a lesson here. Clearly, this blog is an agenda about Beck getting "hitched" such as it were, and the idea of wanting to chronicle the year leading up to it. Idea, execution, blog. It all has a focus and a theme, and it works.

The template is two column, and it stretches to fit my screen, and I love that aspect of it. The sidebar is cluttered, but organized. Too much crapola at the bottom, but I think I can generally give it a pass. However, what I cannot forgive at all is WAY TOO MANY posts on the main page. Shorten it up, Beck. One week is good enough for a front page. Clean that up, post haste, and earn another star.

The writing is fine, perhaps a bit juvenile and pedantic at times, but again, it's personal and consistently decent, so again, thumbs firmly up. Also, the fact that your future mother in law bought you lingerie for your shower both impresses me and makes me laugh. That post in particular, made me feel extremely happy for you and this entire process, and despite my thorny nature, I wish you the best of luck.

Recommendations are as follows. One, the sidebar needs a bit of sprucing. I think you could lose the buttons, but I hate buttons, so that's my personal peeve. The header picture needs to be bigger and centered. The writing, for the most part, is fine. I'm an Ernie fan, so keep the pet pictures.

You caught me in a good mood, what can I say, Beck? Good luck to you. Hope the wedding goes well.

So from that fun, we go to yet ANOTHER emo Indian kid, Hotchpotch. I don't really know what to make of this at all. It seems to be short stories, and I don't understand them. Perhaps we need a 17 year old Indian on staff here to tell me if this is good or not.

Look, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but seriously. Indian Emo Kids. Listen to me closely. You're NOT going to get a decent review here. We don't get you. It's not that we don't LIKE you, we just don't get the culture, the writing, or any of it. I'm trying to be as nice as possible right now, but I'm this close to telling Love_Bites to delete any new Emo Indian blogs that come into the queue. I'm wasting everyone's time here.

I'm done. I don't understand it, so it's depressing me. You get a solid:

You know you missed me, and you know you're happy I'm back. Love you, babies. Daddy's home!


  1. Fireballs! They yelled at me and said mean things! Whaa! Hee hee!

    Wedding blogs...meh...but that's because my views on marriage skew toward just living with someone for the rest of my life, otherwise, I got nuthin' but love for midwestern girls.

    And what is with these short story people? Must be a class assignment or something.

    P.S. I'm watching the Westminster Dog Show...my life is as exciting as the second blog.

  2. Dude, I'm so happy that you got the wedding blog. I would have no idea what to do with that shit.

    Something about this post made me feel like there were going to be spankings and I got all excited.

    God, I'm a perv.

  3. Fair enough. I would not read a wedding blog if it weren't my own either, as I tend to be anti-marriage.

    Given that-- thanks for the review and suggestions. 'Post Haste'(and for that other star) I halved the portion of posts. Good point and thank you for it.

    My mom is a reader of this blog. I have shocked her enough in my youth that she rolls with the punches pretty well. The only post that bugged her was the tattoo post as, like all moms it seems, she hates it when I get another one.

    Last, Ernie thinks you're rad.

  4. As an engaged southern progressive, I'm kind of a fan of Beck now. I think I might even add her to my blogroll.

    The other? More meh. And who the hell are those ugly guys in the banner. Makes me want to click away immediately.

    Today's Indian submission (reviewed above) is, to me, quite a bit better than these angsty emo kids. You be the judge.

  5. Uh, Calamity? Those ugly guys in the header are, as stated in the header, "My Chemical Romance."

    As in, the band. Hee.


Grow a pair.