George ain't write

As an Ask and You Shall Receive debutante, I was more than a little anxious about how to approach my first review. I've always fancied myself a jovial fellow, so should I take on the mantle of the gentle, friendly Ask reviewer? Or should I unleash my inner critic and come out, six guns blazing vitriolic lead into my unsuspecting victim? The decision was made for me when I was handed the great steaming turd that is Georgeiswrite.com. One sec, let me just cock my revolver.

Georgeiswrite.com, as far as I can tell is a vehicle for the glorification of George - a Singoporean jack-of-all-trades. George claims to be an actor, engineer, entrepreneur, executive, web designer, writer and male beauty contestant. His latest gig seems to be a campaign to be elected the hottest executive in Micronesia. I can only assume that he submitted his site for review in order to drum up support for that cause because he certainly can't have thought that this was going to go well for him.

The Professor is a little bit of a grammar tyrant (some say pedant) and nearly couldn't get past the legion of spelling, punctuation and capitalization problems on this site. First of all, what does the title mean? George is correct? George is a writer? On his "About" page, George says - "When things aint right, George is always write." I still don't know what the hell he's talking about.

Let's not get bogged down. George is from Singapore and English may be his second language or there may be a different dialect at play. So in the interest of international relations, I'm grudgingly willing to leave most of the grammatical issues aside. But I must say that 1) The first person singular pronoun (I) is always fucking capitalized and 2) If English is your native tongue then don't quit your day job, mate.

Moving on from the slaughter of my mother tongue, let's take a look at the meat of the matter - content. There are countless people out there who, on one unfortunate day, ran up on a website that convinced them they could make millions of their local currency by publishing a blog. The blogs that these people put together are inevitably poorly written, self-aggrandizing pieces of shit. I typically navigate quickly away from sites like these if I'm unfortunate enough to stumble on one. I didn't have that luxury this time and I'm in a foul mood. George seems to be one of these bloggers, but I struggled to figure out what he is trying to sell. He says that he will "Consult, Convert and Create" a simple and beautiful site for me. Even though I'm a sucker for alliteration, I would be reluctant to hire George because he uses a standard Wordpress template for his own page. Oh, and George, here is a hint - if, despite all evidence to the contrary, you have a web design service to sell then link to it from your blog. Most people aren't going to be unfortunate enough to have to review your site and try and find your crappy service. And, it's clothe my site, not cloth my site. God damn it, I can't keep giving you these free lessons!

What George really seems to be selling is himself. He wants me to vote for him for this and vote for him for that. I'm not inclined to do so because I don't really get to know George. I feel no connection to George. George claims that he's opinionated, but I can't find any of his opinions. For the most part, there is just no substance to his posts; most of them are just a few semi-comprehensible phrases. Some of them are just a title, presumably designed to draw search engine traffic - "She’s Effing Matt Damon" or "Big Girl You Are Beautiful...". Come on George, give me something! My beloved has a slightly harsh term for those that don't inspire her passions - "nothing people". With apologies to Eddie Vedder, I think that's George - a nothingman.

Still and all, the Professor is hesitant to pull out the H-bomb on poor George. I'm inclined to go with the "Meh" rating here. George doesn't inspire loathing or hatred, he's just one of a countless number of bloggers that's probably coming to realize that blogging isn't going to make him his first million. That being said, if George's first language isn't Tamil or Malay or Mandarin then he gets the big explosive finger for crimes against the Professor's mother tongue.

EDIT: I'm posting a photo of George's original comment to this blog just in case there is any question as to whether he submitted it or not. I think the comment makes his willingness to be reviewed perfectly clear.