Is motherhood contagious?

These days it seems all I hear about are bumps and bjorns and birthing plans. I’m 33, and almost every goddamn one of my friends has children (or, if they don’t, they’re about to), barring my lesbian friend who I will forever hold up as my “See? I’m not the only one without babyhood on the brain” person. If Heather ever decides she’s got to reproduce, I don’t know what I’ll do. Probably get knocked up immediately because even though I don’t want kids, I can’t stand to be left in the dust. Any children of mine will be horribly damaged from the get-go, as they will have been conceived out of pure competitiveness. I can see it now. “Mom, was I a mistake?” “No, darling. You were a one-up. It was either you or a summer house, and we couldn’t get a loan.”

It’s no secret that I don’t get mommy blogs. I can’t relate. My babies are the four-footed variety, and when they piss me off I can swat them on the nose and put them in time-out. They needn’t be educated beyond knowing not to piss or shit in the house, when we vacation they can be boarded, and I don’t have to worry about the stigma of teenage pregnancy because they’re all fixed.

So, when I saw that my blog to review today is, yes, another mommy blog, I swore vehemently and sighed wretchedly. It’s not that I hate mommies. I don’t. Really. I have one, and I love her. I read lots of blogs by mothers. Some of my best friends are mothers. It’s just... ugh. I feel a bit like when we had all those emo Indian kid blogs to review. Like it’s in a completely different language and we have nothing in common and any review I might attempt will be woefully one-sided and ignorant.

But I shook it off and plunged in, ready to put aside my prejudices and preconceived notions and see what In the Trenches of Mommyhood (See? She puts it all out there in the title -- it’s about mommyhood!) had in store.

And you know what? I should do that more often.

Because this is a fine blog. The design is three-column, which seems unnecessary. It might help to do away with the third column and get more space for the writing. The banner is huge, and I hate that. There’s no reason for us to have to scroll so far to get to the content, and the picture of the lady with a lamp shade over her head doesn’t add enough to the design to warrant that much space. Sarah has been blogging for a while (and consistently!), so her archives do go on a bit; I suggest rolling them up. And consider some extra pages linked at the top -- an about page, a page for your bling (and holy lord, that’s a lot of bling) to shorten the sidebars, etc.

Overall, it is, indeed, a mommy blog. There’s very little writing here that branches out from family life, parenting, and her kids. But, strangely, I like it. For one, the writing is good. She embraces all the rules of grammar and style, including keeping her posts succinct and cleanly formatted. She talks about poop and wieners a lot, which goes a long way toward keeping my interest. Apparently I can’t look away from genitalia or effluvia. She’s human, thank the lord, and not a mommybot. Sarah seems generally happy and well-adjusted, which is refreshing but also really annoying and jealousy-inducing. I’ll admit there are parts of this blog about which I couldn’t care less. But at the very least those parts are well-written and amusing.

As Love Bites would say, I’d drink with her. And I’d feel a little like I had to watch my mouth, for some reason. Also, over our glasses of wine, I'd want to know more about her and less about her kids. Her kids are cute and all, but I'm more interested in their mom. This is, as she clearly states, her version of a "baby book." Problem is, baby books are for the parents, grandparents, and the kids themselves. Outsiders rarely see them, nor do they usually care to. There's good stuff here, so I see why she's putting it out there, but the blog feels a little... trapped. It's not just a baby book, and it's not just a mommy blog. I believe it started out as a baby book, but as the kids have grown, as she's grown, it's evolved. And I suggest updating the design and focus to embrace that.