Thursday, May 22, 2008

Living in a Mommy Blog Paradise

Some of you have the fucked up idea that I hate all mommies, especially stay at home mommies, and that I wish they would drop off a cliff into the Grand Canyon and never blog again. That is so harsh, y'all. And you people are judgemental weenies.

For the record, I AM a mommy. True, I don't like a lot of the former junior leaguer mommies with their ugly ass purses who go screaming through my neighborhood like they're trying out for NASCAR, with cellphones glued to their ears and cutesy stickers that make me throw up a little on the backs of their oversized SUVs. I hate those mommies, with a passion. And, when I spot them in blogland, I do tend to give them the equivalent of the gangsta's 187. Yo, that bk stands for pretentious bitch killa.

Just keepin' it real, y'all.

Anyway. I don't hate all mommies. I like the cool ones who drink too much and need lots of coffee in the morning and make fun of Kelly Ripa:

She’s blonde. She’s skinny. She’s so perpetually happy that if I worked for ABC, I’d be making her pee in a cup on a weekly basis. She is as close to perfect as I’ve been led to believe a person can come.

Looking at her makes me feel like crap.

Word, yo.

Best of all...the ones who don't do anything that I hate. Nothing this blogger does gets on my last good nerve. Can I get an Amen about how long it's been since that has happened for me? It's like the first time my boyfriend and I had sex. At this point in my life, the simple fact that he didn't have a pathetically undersized penis, and that he didn't try to rip off my girly parts with aggressive thrusting motions his index finger, AND the fact that he waited until I was ready? He was like a fucking rock star in my eyes. My expectations are that low.

It's basically the same for my blog reviewing "career," such as it is. A blog that doesn't look like shit, that doesn't have ten million gadgets, and where there is an "about me" page, and where I can easily navigate to read more? Oh, yeah.

And, the fact that this chick writes well AND she's funny and snarky in THE RIGHT WAY (god, I'm sick of posers)?

Oh, hell yeah. Give it to me baby. Harder! Deeper!!!

It's basically like that. She's funny, I like her, and I'm blogrolling her. And, she isn't fucking up. Whee! These days? Huge.

Unfunny people with an inflated view of your own skillz as a writer? Take a lesson. You know who you are. Oh, wait. NVM. You aren't that self-aware. People with ugly/boring blog templates? Take a lesson. I'm talking to you.

Anyway...Ginny? Don't change. Just keep on doing what you're doing, as well as you're currently doing it. If you fuck anything up, I'll have to go all gangsta on your ass, and nobody wants that.


  1. LOVE the title, though it seems that every blog I look at these days is getting their blog-rating on.

    Ooh, "restricted".

  2. I likes me some Ginny since I found her while drunk one night.

    Great title.

    I wouldn't call her a 'mommy' blogger either to be honest.

    ...and she's kinky...;0)

  3. The day I submitted my blog, I got stuck in traffic. The guy ahead of me had a license plate whose first three letters were MEH. I thought "That is the best possible rating I can hope for."

    Well, I can finally sleep again. Thank you so much, Love Bites. I will try to live up to your freakishly large expectations.

    (BTW, Xbox, that was between us, you mouthy bugger.)

  4. I wanna be like her when I grow up. Anything with "Darwin" in the title automatically has me going all gooey. In a good, nerdy kind of way.

  5. Hey, it's not like I've given the game away...

  6. It's the scientist in me, but her header nearly brings me to orgasm.

  7. What? mean she's NOT an Australian pilgrim?

  8. Good stuff here. I may have to subscribe.

  9. Oh man, Xbox, I get so many hits from people looking up church service times and cemetary rolls in Darwin, Australia. I feel bad when they get to my site, and get nothing but my incredibly erudite thoughts on Kelly Ripa.


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Grow a pair.