Monday, June 16, 2008

Poop!


It turns out that I am reviewing a blog today; this blog is called Mental Poo.

Mm-hmm.

Mental Poo (tagline: "Jerking off your funny bone, one post at a time") is ugly. Not "ugly" like striped shirt/plaid pants-ugly, but profoundly ugly. If you sat this blog next to a rose, it would envelop said flower and send a sweeping pulse of hideousness throughout the world, leaving rotted plants and disillusioned, crying children in its wake. As it stands, I’m surprised that rioting mobs of cyber-townspeople haven’t yet chased this blog back to the bog that spawned it and butchered it violently with pitchforks and torches.

Don’t get me wrong - I understand the appeal of hacky, cut & paste ugliness in a header as a warning of the hacky, crudely (and assumedly quickly) rendered post-supporting pictures stuffed into each entry, but goddamn it, Moooooog35, you have control over this situation: Yes, it’s the words that count, but you can’t be telling me that Stephen Hawking wouldn’t transform himself into a muscle-bound heartbreaker if all he had to do was fiddle with the "fonts & colors" option on Blogger?

As for those aforementioned words, well, enh. I mean, from what I could tell while slicing between the thickets of overgrown advertisements & tautological clutter, he can be amusing, at times, but can also come across as that comic who blew the manager of the comedy-club to get a spot opening for a good comedian, and I imagine that, in front of an audience, a lot of these posts would be met with silence, possibly an awkward cough, maybe an occasional back-row-hurled tomato between the eyes.

Also, Moooooog35:

You have, on display, a picture of a monkey fellating itself - just the innocent eyes of a monkey looking back at you with his cock in his mouth. Surely, sir, there is something in you that dies just a little bit every time you type "f*ck" or "sh*t", isn‘t there? You’re already swearing; stop being a chickenshit about it.

Here’s some across-the-board advice: stop with the clutter, stop with the ads, stop with the "anyways...", stop with the pictures of American Gladiators; it’s doesn’t take much to elicit a genuine laugh out of ol’ Nutjobber, and I’m groaning every time I open a new post and collide with more one-note jokes. "Kids are stupid" is, in fact, funny...once. The premise of short phrase/vague political-incorrectness, however, wears itself fucking thin in a goddamned hurry.



I’m double bored.

13 comments:

  1. What is up with the lame not-funny pathetic attempt at humor blogs?

    That template is uglier than a baboon's ass.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Instead of hurling their own feces, I heard that monkeys have started throwing Mental Poo. At people. Mostly at people that visit the zoo. I hate the zoo. Actually, I hate all zoos.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks, NutJob.

    I always knew my template was ugly. BUT - it was free...and, personally, I don't give a sh*t.

    (I did that one just to piss you off)

    To be honest, I started this to try to make money and maybe see if I could get some readers. Money being foremost. Hence, the * to ward away the Adsense patrol bitches.

    Adsense is long gone, but the *'s remain. Old habit at this point.

    Regarding the template - hey...it was free with Blogger. I picked the least visually offensive one I could find. Having an actual job, I found this was the easiest thing to do.

    As such...just checked and have a balance of $3.53 cents in one of my accounts. As such, I've pretty much pulled the ads...been thinking of doing it for a while...so thanks for helping me pull the trigger.

    Although, I will miss that $3.53.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Damned Monkeys! Now they're throwing Moog's comments at unarmed civilians! Know what else is free? Hatred.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Know what else is free? Hatred."

    One of the funniest things written by human or animal in the history of the galaxy - Keywork, hats off to you, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'll take whatever I can get this month. Thanks, NJ.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well, this much I have to say for moooooog35. He isn't a bag.

    ReplyDelete
  8. personally, I don't give a sh*t.

    Translation - If I could get away with it, I'd pretend I didn't ask for the review, and then I could say "if I wanted your opinion, I would have begged for it"

    Oh, he gives a shit. A hot runny one.

    Having an actual job, I found this was the easiest thing to do.

    I'm betting I do more "actual work" before 7 AM every single fucking day at my "not actual" job than this dud does in a week. And yet, I found time (about 20 minutes worth) to make my blog visually appealing.

    I'm surprised he couldn't work Hitler, the republicans, and Dorothy's red shoes into his diatribe.

    The blog isn't just ugly, it stinks.

    ReplyDelete
  9. See, he could have just did what I did, had someone else do my template for free...

    ReplyDelete
  10. I clicked on the blog before I read the review because I didn't want to be influenced by the genius that is Nutjobber.

    As Love Bites has reminded people time and time again, some of these blogs have been submitted 10-12 weeks ago. That means a couple months ago, before this guy claims he realized the Adsense shit was stupid, he thought his blog was awesome enough to be reviewed here.

    Nutjobber nailed it once again, and Booty put the bow on it with "juvenile shite". I know a teen that would probably laugh his ass off at this blog.

    As a matter of fact, if you move to MySpace, you'll probably be really popular!

    ReplyDelete
  11. When did people start thinking that blogging is a good retirement plan? Or side gig? Or money-making pyramid scheme?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Right after they discovered that they didn't actually win the UK Lotto. But right before they sent their information to Dr. Mbaatu in South Africa.

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.