Monday, June 16, 2008

I Love You Filthy Mongrels

In lieu of an actual blog to review, because the fuck who submitted their traffic-whoring bullshit for ol’ Nutjobber to review today isn’t getting even an inkling of linkage, we’re going to fire up the "Quote of the Week"-machine and churn out some serious quotitiousness.

If you happen to be one of those rebellious-types, take a look here to pick your own quote; the comments-section contains an epic strain of mean-spirited, highly-imaginative invective in response to a terrifically-unfunny blog, and I, personally, couldn’t be prouder to house such magnificence here on Ask. It’s perfectly revolting.

On to the quotes:

What a disgusting place my blog tracking service has brought me to this morning.

Your classless "review" of my blog has no value or worth as far as I am concerned.
-Rambler

Would she be willing to spit on my wife?
-Xbox4NappyRash

Cats tripping toddlers are funny.
-Bitter Mistress

I'd rather lick rat anus than listen to Dane Cook.
-Calamity

I must tell you, if you plan on acquiring your own vagina, you would be wise not to douche. I've been informed that douching is no longer considered a healthy decision. Apparently, whatever finds it's way in must independently find it's way out. Or something like that. Again, I don't have a vagina, so my I-play-an-expert-in-your-mom's-room opinion is likely less than valid.
-Keywork

I once died horrifically in a fiery car crash, and it was funnier than this blog.
-Love Bites

This blog should be smeared with mayonnaise & urinated upon.
-Nutjobber

This blog is like getting fistfucked in the ear.
with a 2 x 4.
on Thanksgiving.
gah, I fucked that up. How does one get fistfucked with a two-by-four?

This blog would write that.
-Rassles

Stay away from our blog, and you'll live a anally rapped, douche bagging piece of shit free life.
-SOGE Shirts

22 comments:

  1. enlightenedbuddha6/16/2008 11:17 AM

    this doesnt make sense.
    I mean havent you got like TONS of blogs in the waiting?

    then isnt it better to go review those than try the comment thingie(amusing as it is)

    I feel like you are just forsaking the reason this blog was made!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have been given one (1) blog to review. I cannot review it.

    If another blog were to traipse down the aisle, then I'd review it.

    As for "forsaking" the very reason behind this blog, well, I guess it's a matter of opinion, innit? God knows I'd be slitting my wrists every seventh Sunday if I felt that Ask was forsook...

    ReplyDelete
  3. enlightenedbuddha6/16/2008 11:27 AM

    point noted.

    maybe you should try to reform your system then....

    if youre free
    and youre doing nothing but watching TV ads about fake boobs and six packs while scratching your butt and gulping down beer...... then it would be better for the blogger world if you did a review instead.

    of course....thats only my personal viewpoint.....you may not agree

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fair is, indeed, fair in regards to personal viewpoints.

    I think you underestimate, however, my ability to simultaneously ogle fake boobs, guzzle beer and scratch my ass WHILE reviewing a blog; these things need not be mutually-exclusive.

    ReplyDelete
  5. enlightenedbuddha6/16/2008 11:52 AM

    to each his own.

    of course most of use would prefer porn over blog anyday.

    and fake tits.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shit like this kills me. Why couldn't you review the blog? Please don't say the person lied about submitting it?!

    I do love the chosen comments, though!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The blog he was assigned was a non-blog, it was a placeholder for advertising. So, i gave him mine, because that's what I am...a giver.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher, Bites.

    Wait...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Would you believe that I only today learned the more interesting ins and outs of the pitcher/catcher roles?

    ReplyDelete
  10. yeah, I hear getting rapped is painful.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I suppose it depends on where you get rapped. The nuckles hurt like the dickens, from what I hear.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I once died horrifically in a fiery car crash, and it was funnier than this blog.
    -Love Bites


    Clear winner.

    Okay, not clear. They were all hilarious. But I love this one.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I agree with That Chick Over There - car crashes are hilarious, and so's that quote.

    Also, I'm getting "Mr. Poop"-embroidered pajama-pants; if anyone wants to spilt the difference price-wise, I'll bring 'em over to your house for a personal look-see.

    [wink]

    ReplyDelete
  14. We can "split" the difference too, while I slash my wrists with my godforsaken spell-checker...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice slip, NJ, nice slip.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My sister once crashed my dad's truck by running it over my dad's huge retaining wall.

    Now that shit was hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  17. My crashes have mostly been not-firey, and pretty humiliating/hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
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Grow a pair.