Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Dysfunction gets a bad name

Oh goodie fucking gumdrops, look what we have here, Wyrllwynd of Dysfunction.

Written by two women, it claims to be:
"The insane rantings of a couple of mommy figures, pet-owned persons, and redheads".

'Inane' would be more accurate , but at least you didn't mention coffee or your Wii fit. Thank fuck for small mercies I suppose.

Girls, it looks like shit, and you know it.
If you can't see it looks like shit then you probably can't read this either, so why are any of us bothering?

An ugly header, with spastic double columns taking up nearly half the screen, and a background colour that I can only describe as the colour I imagine an aneurysm to be.

From start to finish this just irritates. Go click the contact link, go on, I fucking dare you to. Now read it and tell me I'm being unreasonable when I say that this is just annoying pig shit.

I clicked on the podcast links and my PC got hijacked by some bastard plug-in search.

I'm a reasonable enough chap, so I decided to put that visual rape and anal irritation behind me, and try and read some of this amazing dysfunction.

In fairness, the writing, where you can find it, isn't as shit as the presentation, but by the time you get to it you just can't be fucking bothered.
A couple of posts about tits and well, tits, managed to hold my interest for a few seconds but all was already lost.

You seem to be able to write, are articulate, you source and research and curse liberally. That's all good but basically I got really fucking bored and you are both off your heads if you think it looks acceptable.

You are better than this, you just can't be bothered.

You asked for suggestions how to improve it? Well fuck me sideways, don't paint it the colour of a squirrel's vomit for starters.

Don't have those two columns sprawling all over the left hand side.

Practically any out of the box template would be less offensive.

Don't blog together, you lower the bar for each other.

Burn down the blog as is, start with a blank white page and for every post you can honestly say you are proud of, you can add a link, or some vile colour, or some other fucking flashing jingly jangly thing as a reward.

Until then, I would give you a ride on the short bus, but you deserve to be made fucking walk.

For annoying me you can share this:






For writing a whiney excuse about how shit your review was going to be rather than do anything about it, you can:

42 comments:

  1. Please, lay off the war crack, bitches. And, say two hail maries, and give the good reverend a blowjob.

    Seriously, this blog should be dungheaped. Sometimes, the point just gets lost, it's irreparably broken, and the best possible option is to start over from scratch.

    Or, to move to livejournal/myspace. I never go there, so then I would run little risk of being confronted by these kinds of shyte.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm with LB on this one. This fucking blog reminds me of my dissolved marriage: drawn out, purple, too wordy. Girls, divorce the shit out of this blog. Thx.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't hate this blog. Ok, well, I hate the design with blazing and abiding fierceness, but I don't hate the writing. I actually kind of enjoy it. I might even stick around if they changed the design. But the design makes me want to flee immediately. If I hadn't recognized Stormcarver's handle from comments I've enjoyed, I would have.

    And as a dog lover and owner of an aging pup with recent health problems, I give you a pass on the lapses lately. That shit sucks.

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  4. The puppies are cute. The puppy pics are all this blog has going for it.

    @keywork:

    This blog reminds me of the penis of a man I once dated in college:

    Purple, overly large, and completely ineffectual.

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  5. Oh, and I second the "don't blog together" sentiment. It's just... weird. We can get away with it here, though, because we're not all personal and crap. But otherwise, get your own space, man.

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  6. @keywork: Not to mention pointless, and a huge waste of 20 minutes.

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  7. @calamity: Seriously, I think that's it. The only reason this works when blogsharing normally doesn't work is because we spend our time here talking about OTHER PEOPLE, not each other.

    Oh, and fantasizing about cornering the good reverend in the darkest confessional some Sunday evening.

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  8. ...also, I have coon sex fantasies. That can't possibly be right.

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  9. I may be reverend, but I'm far from good...

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  10. This has not been a good week. Wow. I love how, within the "excuse" they wrote, they seem to think the blog would have faired better if it would have been reviewed a while ago. Um, I don't think they actually come to "Ask" very often. And I may have been able to hang on, despite all the problems, but they switched between font sizes on a single page. That. Shit. Don't. Play.

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  11. I called it earlier in the week. So far I'm two for two.

    Also, I'll have you know I killed my puppy, gave away a dog and took my father for chemo but guess what?

    When y'all told me me my colors sucked I changed my background to white.

    Excuses suck and so do people who label themselves as insane ranters.

    If you want wonderful, delightful and fantastic insanity go to:

    http://becrazedandconfused.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  12. Also...the most retarded name for a blog, EVER.

    It really does annoy me that they KNOW that they suck, and instead of not-sucking, instead, they choose to make excuses for teh suck. Don't they know that shit never flies with us?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Also, I think I now hate taglines forever.

    Unless you've got a peachy arse of a tagline, don't bother.

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  14. @LB: again, at least it only wasted twenty minutes. My marriage was a waste of three years. Go with the raccoon sex, it's always dirty and sometimes dirtier.

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  15. @Keywork:

    Mine lasted 12 years. Top that. But, i'm not bitter or angry. No, not at all.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Bitter? Never. Angry? I think I always have been.

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  17. "Here comes Barnaby, sniffing my crotch like free cocaine."


    AAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
    ;aklfj;asfja;sdlkgf;aslkgj;asl

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  18. Honestly, LB, that song is semi-funny. But any song with a coke joke is hilare.

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  19. What irritates me the most is the unnecessary use of "y's" in the title. I hate that mystical, pagan bullshit with a whitehot passion.

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  20. No excuses, just reality, which sucks at the moment. Suggestions taken. Pics stay. Format is changed, second is gone. When life gets somewhat normal again, so will entries. Til then, it is what it is. Hell, I'm not even carving at this point, which is unheard of.

    Sorry about the odd pop from the podcast link. Wasn't aware of it and am trying to track it down, since it should be a direct-to-iTunes linkage. It doesn't happen on 3 computers here, so don't know what's up. Hopefully the issue was the top tag, which was removed.

    Go ahead and hate the name. Wyrllwynd was an AOL screenname from the 3.95 a minute days and people still know me by it. You remember -- when no normal spelling of anything passed their filters from hell? Keepin' it.

    And, sorry LB, I don't do blowjobs. Not even for the Reverend. If you didn't pick up on it, I'm a dyke. And if ya want me to scratch something...

    Anyway, appreciate the suggestions. I didn't expect nice. But you also shouldn't expect me to disappear.

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  21. Yeah, the excuse thing just blew it for me. Their first post was clever, then this long rambling mammoth excuse for why they currently suck. At which point I stopped reading. I hear a lot of excuses in my chosen profession. That one wasn't the most original, but God it was one of the longest. Nice review Gene.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Clearly, they don't get us at all, either. We LIKE it when the victims show up. Especially when they show up with lame excuses.

    Ladies: the blog sucked well before life happened this month. So, that excuse doesn't fly.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I honestly thought the title was a typo on your part. And then I clicked the blog, and thought you'd just copied their typo. Or, maybe, they were scientists and into some physics I've never heard of. And now, just today, JUST THIS SECOND, I realized they were trying to say Whirlwind. That was TOO MUCH WORK.

    But, to their credit, they don't have musing in the title. When did musing become such a popular word, outside of geriatrics wards, that is?

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  24. I am a bit bummed she changed the layout before I got to see what colour squirrel vomit is.

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  25. Nicely taken Stormcarver.

    Sinead, it's doesn't need to be a squirrel necessarily, just force feed any small creature fruits of the forest then slit it's belly.

    en voila...

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  26. uh Father, you know I am vegetarian right?

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  27. well, in my defence, I just said to split the creature open, not to eat it

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  28. I guess I could sew him/her back up after I have examined the contents of its stomach.

    I am not really vegetarian. I think if I was the carnivore that is Chris would never have started dating me. He thinks bacon should be added to everything.

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  29. Stormcarver, I hope things settle down for you soon. I couldn't navigate the site yesterday. I didn't have the patience for it. I went back just now, though, and the truth is, once I found the writing, I like it!

    Blogs are works in progress, ever changing. I like how you took the suggestions and immediately went to work on what you could. Good luck! I know I'll be back to check it out

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  30. Bacon, Miss, is most certainly not an adder. You add things to bacon. No one puts bacon in a corner.

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  31. I have a friend that would eat bacon wrapped steak with green beans with bacon with a side of bacon. We're pretty sure he'll die by the time he's 40. We have a pool going, any takers?

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  32. An aside: has anyone noticed that the Good Father seems to have developed a pretty rad mean streak?

    I mean, the entirety of this review is so hate-filled and vile that I'm thinking of going catholic just for a taste of whatever Gene's eating.

    Can I get a motherfucking amen?

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  33. NJ, it's the guilt. Sweet, sweet, guilt.

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  34. God, I love a little vitriole in the morning. With, of course, a side of bacon. Because, nothing says hate like a crispy strip of dead pig.

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  35. no, nothing says hate like a crispy strip of live pig.

    NJ: folk get what they deserve from me, that is all.

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  36. I like a little viola in the morning. Such sweet, sweet music.

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  37. God, you really are getting some regular sex, aren't you? And clearly, I'm not.

    ;)

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  38. I feel like Calamity is practically shitting daisies and roses today, I can feel the glowing love coming off her words like a sweet fragrant breeze from the meadow.

    It's practically floral pastoral. ;)

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  39. I was actually making fun of your spelling, Bites. See? I'm mean and nasty! Only passive-aggressive about it.

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  40. The psychology of the priest is evident in Gene: "You're only getting what you deserve, boy."

    Yyyyyyyyyyyyuck.

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  41. Dammit, did I misspell vitriol? Or vitriola? Or vitriolio?

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.