Under the Pink

I must confess that I was prepared to hate you, Formerly Fun. I cannot tell a lie. As soon as I saw the barftastic pepto bismal hues of your blog, I thought, "Oh, fuck me now. I can't do this today. Nothing good ever comes from a pink blog."

But you surprised me, you charming little minx. You totally did.

Your blog design is hideous. The header clashes horribly with the background color. They're both pink, and they remind me of the non-matching hues of my internal organs from a laproscopic surgery I had a few years ago. Your header, in case you've ever wondered, is the color of my kidneys. Your background is the color of my uterus. If that doesn't motivate you to change this template, nothing will.

And you should. You REALLY, REALLY should, because I fucking love your content. I LOVE IT. I would totally have a long weekend with your content, slowly sucking the goodness out of every single morsel, licking it laciviously until there was nothing left on my screen and my tongue was numb and raw.

It's delish. It's the perfect mix of snark and sarcasm and humor, all mixed up and spat out with just enough verbal acuity to make me moan with pleasure. In fact, I think there may be a wet spot on my office chair right now.

Oh, you're gross. Don't get me wrong. But you're gross in all my favorite ways. I'm still searching for a post to hate, but I can't find one.

And so, I say to you: please fix your fucking template. We have links on our FAQ to sites with some pretty, easy to use, templates. Fix the spacing between your posts, so the date of one post doesn't run into the title of another post. While you're figuring out how to update your look, create a tester blog like most of us do, a place to play with cascading style sheets so you don't muck up your main blog. Move your stuff "about you" away from your header and onto a page all of its very own. Roll up your archives into a drop-down button. Just figure this template shit out, because your writing deserves better.

And, keep writing. In particular, as a brazilian customer, I want to hear some funny, juicy, horrifying brazilian stories. I want to know what the person who is ripping my hair from my pudenda and vulva is thinking while she's staring down at my exposed vagina. I want at least one a week, and I know you have them. So, bitch, give them up.

And, then, just keep doing what you're doing, in spite of the annoying anonymous critics. Just keep on being you, because you seriously rawk.

I give you three stars, with the promise of an "I fucking love you" if you fix your ass-ugly template: