Tuesday, November 04, 2008

I've stopped believing in politics and fairy tales

I voted this morning, and now I feel like a dirty dirty whore, and not even in the good way. Nothing good is going to come of this election, I can feel it in my bones. This morning, it was like choosing between a crap sandwich, smothered in cum, and a barbecued turd, smothered in boogers with a side of earwax. Fuck me.

Okay. This may be the shortest possible review in history, because I am not in a good mood, and I hate today's blog.

I'm going to do this in simple sentences, because I think that will be the best form of communication with this guy.

1. Your header image is awful. Please tell me you didn't pay for it.
2. I spent 20 minutes scrawling through your clip art, looking for something of worth, and couldn't find anything.

This isn't a blog. I have no idea why you submitted here, but this is lameness personified. If you have teenage children, let me state clearly and for the record, that they hope no one EVER finds your site. It's terrible. It's the worst possible unholy intersection of myspace with farq. And not the good parts of farq, either. The retarded bits. The people who like your blog are the same ones who decorate their houses at Walmart and wear sweaters on Halloween with cheery chubby pumpkins on them. They aren't us.

People: If you have a "blog" like this, please don't submit here. We aren't interested in what you're doing, and you are an anal wart on the ass of the blogosphere. We wish your blog would die a slow, painful death involving mutilation and torture.

Please fuck off and die.

23 comments:

  1. I actually have a couple of compliments (but then I voted this morning and am full of righteous optimism): 1) decent organization; 2) I don't mind the light blue; 3) the font size is good; and 4) some of the animation is clever, and if I were bored and hitting the Stumble Upon button and came across a few of these, I might chuckle.

    But this? "Nothing wrong with the F word on appropriate sites, but sometimes I think its used merely to 'create attitude'." I got your manufactured attitude right here, motherfucker.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Too blinky for me, this site makes me feel like I'm going to have seizure.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Exactly FF! Like I said, it kicks up my coulrophobia and makes me want to track down and shoot a clown.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was a review full of 'quote's of the week'

    I like this side of LB.

    ReplyDelete
  5. But he wants to be funny so bad. It's kind of cute, like when my dad showed me the Hampster Dance last week. He was so excited. He was all, "Look--look at the hamsters! They're DANCING! How cute is that? Do you recognize the song? IT'S THE ROBIN HOOD THEME! It's funny, right? What'll they think of next."

    I just didn't have the heart to tell him that I saw it ten years ago, and didn't think it was very funny then.

    But he was so excited.

    That's how I feel about this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cum is tasty.

    Also what Rassles said.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Cum is tasty."

    If you say so.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "I like cum."

    Shocker.

    Now I have a confession:.

    I don't.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Seriously fella, what's the story with those blue flashy faces?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello all - Well you surely did fuckin tear me apart, just as promised. I feel like I'm in one of those bad movies about highschool girls.

    I'd like to make it clear that the talented woman who helped me with the look of my site had nothing to do with the ugly header. (She's credited on my homepage.) She did the main column with the posts and animations (what Love Bites so bitingly refers to as my clipart). It was originally all black, the light blue is thanks to her Calamity, not me. And of course she bears no responsibility for the fluff content.

    I did learn a fair bit here about keeping the sidebar uncluttered, rolling up the archives, limiting catagories, etc., thanks for that.

    Guess that's it. Have at it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Bill,

    You are VERY nice. And if people like what you're doing, well, then, gosh darn it, you just keep right on doing it. It is just SO. NOT. MY. THING. And, that's okay.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yeah, my blog may suck ass, but I lost interest in this one almost right away.....

    ReplyDelete
  13. I seriously cannot wait for my review! woo!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Franco, the first thing you need to do is make that font bigger. If I get you for review, I won't even be able to read it without some type of surgical procedure or the onset of an unexpected superpower.

    ReplyDelete
  15. It's too bad you didn't wait until your rage passed. You might have then posted something more articulate with better analogies. I'll have to look in the archives to see if you've done better reviews that didn't end in fake "The world sucks and I hate it waaah!".

    Also, if you would have asked nicely. He might have done an animation just for you. Maybe one were you're continuously sucking cock. That would appeal to you, right?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Are you the cumtasters who didn't like I Animate You? Shame! Your own writing lacks ... um ... everything & you want to dump on other people's work?

    Bill's site gives me a healthy fucking laugh on a regular basis. Your site is a waste of my damn time.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Nice to know that there's a pathetic following based on hate. Why is it that so many people lack a self identity that they feel as if they have to conform to the "wannabe" non conformists? Does making fun of someone or a group, make you feel that more significant? It is people like this that truly lack self worth.
    Good luck on getting that fixed...

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am so so ashamed of people like you. I know you think you are funny but believe me you little cunt, you are not. This was the blog of a man who was very very nice and made a lot of us smile. I think this is what you do to make yourself feel like a big person but all you and your pack of ass sucking followers did was prove you are still the bully of the playground. Stealing lunch money and feeling good about it. You may rot in hell now.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hee hee hee.

    They are funny. They think that people who have a different opinion than their own are bad people.

    More comments. Is good sticking up friends.

    ASK crew: the best? When people hate opinions.

    Wait. Ima gettin a thesaurus.

    If...ah, fuck it. i'm bored and getting another bere and watching Ghost Adventures. That guy is funny.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Uh oh. Pretty sure hardcore jesus will kick my ass soon. Bill's followers say so.

    ReplyDelete
  21. LB, did you notice that Etta Rose(commentor above) also had her blog in the queue to be reviewed? Hers has been removed also.

    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.