Monday, November 03, 2008

In lieu of a post from Jubblies

I give you the whine of the decade:

On Saturday, Four Eyes commented:

196 countries
Average of 2000 hits per day.
Record of 11,000 hits for one day.

LCO will have hosted 500,000 unique visitors by the end of this month... 40% of whom look at more than one page... Which will lead me to break 1,000,000 hits before this year is over.

You were on my site for less than 5 minutes... I can take a hit and as much criticism as you wish to dish out.... But... At least be honest and do a thorough vetting... Perhaps ...If you weren't 'so busy trying to be so very snarkily avant-garde... You might have more than 180 visitors a day... (Mostly from India, I notice.)

Additionally... since you so blithely chose to overlook my rants and essays... You actually missed the part of my site that garners the most attention... My opinion essays have been featured on CNN and the BBC sites... In fact ... My highest hit days come on the days that I post an essay or rant.... Not to push the pin too deep... But my last rant pulled almost 50,000 hits in one week.

Sorry if you're PMS'ing and can't laugh at the ridiculousness of what our fellow humans put themselves through ( Since you "beg" me to explain the meaning of the site!)... Didn't you read the description I submitted?!?... In fact... Your statement that my site is a "shining example of all that is wrong with mankind" Is exactly it , you doltish, dilatory dildo...

Did I not state in my submittal that my site has "a decidedly sarcastic tilt towards exposing the ridiculousnes of it all"?

I have no choice but to put you in the pitiable, petty, petulant, pusillanimous, pretender pile.

In the meantime... I shall continue to build a steady stream of fans and readers and continue to regularly place in the top 100,000 of the 100,000,000 websites rated by Alexa. (I see that you've broken into the top 300,000.... Congrats!)

p.s.
Hey "People in the Sun"... You do that goatse... I'll post it!
Hey "prayingtodarwin"... I've been to your site before... Not bad... But you're right... I absolutely pwn you in stats... You're not even in the top 1.5 million!


These never get old for me. "You suck harder than a fancy vacuum cleaner from the telly, and that's why I submitted my blog to you for review!!!111!!!"

28 comments:

  1. "a decidedly sarcastic tilt towards exposing the ridiculousnes of it all"?"

    decidedly sarcastic tilt?

    What a load of unsubstantiated horseshit!

    What a load of unsubstantiated horseshit!

    What a load of unsubstantiated horseshit!

    And what sort of blog sees that amount of traffic but doesn't attract even the occasional comment?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really can't help but comment on this...

    Just because someone SUPPOSEDLY gets all these hits does not mean they have a good website.

    90% of his hits are probably from Google Images searches considering half the pics on the web are right on his page.

    Where's the witty material? Wouldn't at least one or two of these million viewers leave a comment? This site blows.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Miss Missives11/03/2008 9:10 PM

    I love a good alliteration but Four Eyes sounds like he played with the Thesaurus too much.
    "pitiable, petty, petulant, pusillanimous, pretender pile"

    Overworked in my opinion. I spent more than five minutes on the site and read a smattering of different items including the essays.

    The one titled

    Earthlink’s Customer Service Is Worse Than Their Tech Support… That’s Pretty Bad.

    was beyond fascinating and I'm sure CNN and BBC are knocking down his door trying to get at those five star essays of his. Clearly we were all wrong about him.

    But I do have a question, with all of the visits he gets, how did he come up with a 5 minute visit for the review? Maybe no one stays more than five minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's so sad that they spent more time stalking the stats of strangers and comparing them to their own than they claim you did on their review [which was right on point, mind you].

    That's not counting the time spent on thesaurus.com, of course.

    And to answer Gap's question
    "And what sort of blog sees that amount of traffic but doesn't attract even the occasional comment?"
    - A really shitty one. And girlspooptoo is probably right about the Google Images searches.

    ReplyDelete
  5. There are people out there who sit around online all day and actually drive traffic to their sites using a vast number of different multiple accounts, software, ad words and other assorted tools. Clearly this person uses means other than interesting content to drive traffic.

    I hope he's actully making a ton of money by doing that, otherwise I don't really see the point; there is no other conceivable point.

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  6. In fact, I think he's attempting some sort of reverse methodology: if he drives useless traffic to his site, his "Alexa" rating improves, thereby sending traffic to his site...

    only I don't think that's really working out too well, judging from the lack of reciprocation and commentary taking place in his comment section.

    I want to kick his ass something awful. Time for a valium.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's all just stupid pictures and shite. The "essays and rants" aren't particularly good either. Must have missed this review...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow, someone is awfully self absorbed, now aren't they?

    Surprising, for having such a piece of shit website. And I know a thing or two about piece of shit websites. I happen to WRITE one. And that is a steaming pile of crap.

    ReplyDelete
  9. How long exactly does it take to identify a piece of dogshit? By the smell, perhaps a minute or less? First, you catch a waft of unidentified funk. A few seconds later, a slight stronger whiff. Within 30 seconds, you think to yourself, "someone's stepped in shit." A few seconds after that, you're blinded by the obvious: "It was me."

    It actually took me just about that long to realize 4-eyes was nothing more than dog shit. And, then, I came back here to find some paper towels and alcohol with which to cleanse my shoes.

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  10. So, my point is:

    five minutes on that site was a generous offering of fairness from the reviewer in question. I knew it was a turd within seconds.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jerry Springer is the highest rated TV show in the US. That doesn't make it quality.

    Some people just like a train wreck.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Maaaaaan...I have GOT to get that stat counter thingy on my blog figured so I can seriously cuss somebody out! Fuck! I knew I was missing something.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Cry me a fucking river, dickface.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oooo! I must have struck a nerve!

    Looks like I got the whole club worked up! Whaddya got? A tight knit little clique of about 20 that think they impress one another?

    You sound like the catty little group of mean girls at any middle school.

    Hey miss missive... If you had a lick of brain you'd know that any visitor can be tracked as to how long they visit and what pages were viewed... Amateur!

    Hey girlspooptoo... Maybe you should poop more... Your head is so full of shit... While I do get lots of hits from google searches... The vast majority of my hits come from positive reviews on Stumbleupon... That's where the comments go honey bunny.

    But...

    I do sooo very much appreciate the WHOLE post devoted to my response to your simpleminded rant.

    I hope you nice folks can find a way to prolong your apoplectic puffery... Little minds need exercise. And the 20+ hits generated from your site today only add to my hit count.

    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Creed has sold eleventy-nine kajillion records, and all that proves is that there's a market for banality.

    Cheers to you, sir, for proving that it doesn't take even one iota of skill or panache to run up an assload of hit-counts.

    Remember, though, you still have a long way to go before you catch Rosie O'Donnell...

    ReplyDelete
  16. "hey girls poop too... maybe you should poop more... your head is so full of shit."

    Is that the fucking best you've got?

    "wow I'm totally going to insult her about having a head full of shit, since her name has the word poop in it and all. everyone will think I'm totally creative and LMAO at me. Wow, I used the word poop! HAhahAha me funny!!!11!!!11!"

    you're an even bigger tool than I thought.

    ReplyDelete
  17. The ellipses are KILLING me!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Damn you Four Eyes! Please stop commenting. You're making me feel all slow and stupid and everything for not fully understanding the counter thingy on my blog. Fuck!

    ReplyDelete
  19. What part of "ASK" don't people understand? They ask for this. And it's not like we use safe words.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hit a nerve? More like hit our stride. I think we're pretty civil around here but for whiners, it's open season. We love tools like you because we can bash you without reserve. So please, do us a favor and keep commenting because you're just drummin' up the fun her at Ask.

    ReplyDelete
  21. You are full of crap, FE.

    Your blog traffic is a product of artificially driven traffic. And it is not really working out as you'd hoped, and you know this and it smarts every single time you realize you're not as popular as your stats reflect.

    Take your lame insults and childish meltdowns and go use the energy a more creative way. Your blog could use a lot of soul.

    ReplyDelete
  22. "hey girls poop too... maybe you should poop more... your head is so full of shit."

    Is that the fucking best you've got?"


    poop, don't you see the correlation between the constant state of being a lame bad joke and having to artificially drive stats off the chart?

    This guy is a bit of a fraud. Well more than a bit, maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh, hey, did someone forget to hand young FourEyes the big-boy pants before posting his review? Suck it up, lover, and get over yourself.

    (Now come slap me down. I have the worst stats in the world-o-blogs, I don't even have a stat counter, yadda, yadda, yadda. Bring it. I'm fat and black, too, if that helps.)

    ReplyDelete
  24. I like it when they fight back.

    Is the point of a blog to have hits? I was unaware. I thought it was to write, and share, and laugh.

    Oh, and merciless mockery.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I can assure you I spent more than five minutes on your 'blog'.

    More's the pity.

    I don't care if you have a billion hits a day, or if your 'essays' were tattooed on the cheeks of Shakespeare's arse.

    Your blog is still shit.

    Really, really shit.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Dude. When you always have to stumble your own posts each time, your shit sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Okay, kitten. Give up the ellipses. Ellipses do not make the end of a sentence; a period does. Try one. If you're not fond of the period (some people aren't), possibly consider the question mark or exclamation point. Please consider the context and emotion before you do so. Your decidedly sarcastic tilt is more overt cattiness than sarcasm. Bragging about how many hits your site gets does not mean you are a good blogger. Hell, I'm not a good blogger, but at least I know it and don't attempt to make myself sound better to feed my incredibly overweening ego. Kindly extend yourself to a separate, possibly even Real Life hobby so that you don't get so entirely upset over a blog review that you feel the need to moan about how wrong about your site. It's a site. It's not your everloving soul, assuming you still have one.

    Also: "ridiculousness." Look it up. Better yet: spellcheck. It's a neat invention.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

Grow a pair.