Monday, March 23, 2009

But I'm a Cheerleader

Miss Missives ponders converting;
to be or not to be a lesbian,
that is the question.

1.Girls smell better, kiss better.
2.Save money,share resources like clothes, makeup; buy Midol and Tampons in bulk.
3.Never ending supply of drama.
4.No baby batter=no accidental pregnancy.
5.Lowest STD rate = super clean vag.

1. Convergent menstrual cycles, twice the hormones does not equal twice the fun.
2. Crying is largely ineffective.
3. Latex a poor substitute for the real thing.
4. Early bed death.
5. Entirely too much talking.

Geekporngirl is a forty-something, Bay-area lesbian with a penchant for popular culture and a noticeably romantic bent. The "geek porn" here refers less to the boom chicka wah wah and more to the trivial egg-head details that interest this outside the stereotypes woman. The site is a mix of sapphicentric news items, news links, videos, opinion pieces, and fiction that come together to form a sort of e-zine for the tipping the velvet crowd.

On the plus side, I like the look of the site. The Header is visually appealing and curiosity-sparking. Miss Missives has found that you can never go wrong with pert nipples peeking through a wife-beater. Geekporngirl has a nice About in terms of information about the feel and intent of the site. Still, since the site though magazine-style, is produced by and large by one person, I would like to know a little bit about the girl behind the geek, especially with regard to the fiction.

There are moments of borrowed though salient humor. Geekporngirl is both sex-positive and eco-friendly. Her categories are good, not too many, not too few. There is a great deal of borrowed video and news items but they are germane to lesbians, the greater LGBT community and egg-heads alike. Though Geekporngirl sports a long-ass side bar, the links appear to be relevant to the intent of the site. Were I a lesbian dropping buy for the latest Prop 8 controversy or cool graphic t-shirt, these links would interest me. Though the word cloud and the most recent comments could be cast off and a few of the listings condensed to further streamline the site's feel.

On the con side, I found the site difficult to navigate. The Home and Frontpage tabs appear to be the same, therefore redundant. When you meander through the posts from either Home or Frontpage, the posts appear undated. I don't like undated posts as a general rule but especially when you are posting news items. If you look at these same posts under the Latest Posts tab, the dates magically appear. This might just be a glitch of how the web pages are set up but do us all a favor and add dates to all of the posts. Geekporngirl posts frequently enough that she doesn't need to obscure the date.

Adding to the difficulty navigating is the fact that Home and Frontpage are set up with no older posts button and no archives. When you go to Latest Posts tab, you can click on older entries but there are still no archives to search through. Additionally, the site is very lesbian specific and therefore lacks broad appeal but if you are a smarty pants lesbian, this site would be right up your man-free, girl zone.

With regard to the fiction, bookish lesbians can find anything from erotic Haiku, to Drabbles to longer pieces of Harliquinesque romantic fiction. Yes, geekporngirl is a hopeful romantic. There are links on her sidebar to the really hot stuff but her fiction, while it dips it's toe in the lake of naughty tends to be more the stuff of longing and the trials of romantic love. Romance novellas have never been Miss Missive's thing but I can guess that there is a dearth of the more genteel lesbian romances. Geekporngirl is no doubt filling a niche with her tales of woe and pleasure.

Although Miss Missives does not hail from the Island of Lesbos, much of the info here is interesting to me. Still, it's unlikely I'll be back because the whole thing feels very detached. I know many bloggers need some distance between their real selves and their sites, and that's understandable. Still, I tend to read people most consistently when I get a feel for them and their life. Geekporngirl, I want to root for you, I want to support your efforts for equality and self-awareness. I want to find the common ground that we as women all share but the emotion and expression here, even in the fiction feels very restrained. Take off the figurative corset, shake the girls free and be yourself.

You can do it your way, and maybe you are trying to hedge the neutral ground for fear of becoming too editorial but there are tons of LGBT publications and only one you. Prop 8, tell me why it makes you angry. Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon--tell me why they inspire you. There are a whole bunch of people waiting on the sidelines with their pom-poms and their megaphones just waiting for your stories to grab them--invite them in.


  1. I love lesbians, they can do anything, like breastfeeding while wearing a toolbelt, I would never be that cool.

  2. No, Franco, you will never be that cool. Mostly because that was the first thing to come up on your teleprompt. Seriously, of all the cool shit lesbians can do, you went with that? Believe me, lesbians can do much cooler shit.

    Miss: why do I feel like maybe you have some links that aren't working?

  3. Gok, they're all working on my end, hmmm?

    How do dirty little raccoons feel about lesians?

  4. Miss: How about a 'welcome back, you beautiful bastard'?

    The Home/Frontpage/Latest Post shit doesn't link to anything. Are we just throwing around bold type now?

    Yes, lesbians. Big fan. This dirty raccoon has, and always will provide funding for Lesbians With Webcams. Or at least look at the finished product and offer a critique, for no charge what-so-ever.

  5. Ok, you are right, it was thoughtless not to welcome you back with more open arms,come give Miss a hug. You beautiful bastard.

    Yep, bold face, I like to carelessly throw it around, just like the hearts of my reviewees.

  6. I don't know if everyone necessarily call these things "wife beaters." A lesbian woman I used to work with once referred to a shirt as a "beater." It took me a second before I realized. "Oh, she calls it a beater because wife-beater is unbelievably offensive!" I like days when I learn stuff.

  7. a lesbian should also be president, it only takes a handfull of dykes to turn this country around in a matter of days.

  8. I'm not a lesbian but I totally plan on breastfeeding while wearing a toolbet. I'm just badass like that.
    Miss, you forgot one reason not to be a lesbian: your mouth tastes like vadge. That's my primary reason, well, that and my love of cock.

  9. That's more like it, Miss.
    Franco, if it makes you feel any better, we almost had a lesbian president.

  10. Al Gore's a lesbian?? Never would have guessed.

  11. PiS: I said 'lesbian', not 'idiot'.

  12. But, if by 'lesbian', you mean 'idiot', then you would be correct.

  13. I most certainly would NOT use the terms lesbian and idiot interchangeably. Unless we're talking about Lindsay Lohan.

  14. I'm not sure if Lindsay is actually a lez. I think she's just so starved for affection, a giant panda could hang on her and she'd go the way of the beasties.

  15. Yeah, I think Rosie O'Donnel is a much better representation of an 'idiot lesbian'.

  16. Nobody manages to look at me with quite the same disdain as a lesbian. Powerful eye-beams of disgust, I'm telling you.

  17. NJ- That's b/c you have the look that so many lesbians aspire to. They're just jealous.


  18. Lesbians are too needy for me. I like bi girls far more. They never want you for too long cause they crave the cock. Just like me.

  19. Speaking of popcorn, the girlfriend has suddenly started nixing my beautiful microwavable stuff... I know she doesn't read any of this, but I still found the timing curious.

    Maybe she's a lesbian.

  20. Also, to the commenters and reviewers here at Ask: Thank you for covering for me while I was on the road last Thursday. That really touched me. Where? You know where.

  21. As much as I'd like to take credit, which I will, and as good as it is to have you back, which it is, I did fuck all around here in your absense, Key.

    Sometimes, the timing of my periodic interweb-absenteeism is breathtaking.

  22. I particularly enjoyed that Lawson character's monologue. Intriguing fellow.

  23. Get yourself a Whirly-pop,there is no comparison. Takes like 4 minutes tops on the stove. You never wash the kettle, it just gets 'seasoned'. You can make kettle corn, you know, the sweet and salty siren of popcorn. Literally, people ask for my popcorn(esp. the kettle corn) for Christmas. It's a little sad, cause you know, it's popcorn not a blowjob, but it is pretty tasty.

  24. Miss M: sadly, most 'tools' do have a function, unlike Sir Lawson.

  25. Personally, MM, I don't find blowjobs particularly tasty at any time of the year, and far less at xmas. However, I believe I shall alert the girlfriend to your popcorn-recommendations - if that's what it's going to take to end the popcorn-strike, I'm willing to make the sacrifice.

    Also, that Lawson guy? I know firsthand he's about as useful as a condom on a eunuch.

  26. I thought lesbians were proof that god exists and loves mankind until I actually met a lesbian couple.

  27. what kind of couple were they?
    Some lesbians can be very uptight and up their noses,
    here's all the kind of lesbians I've come accross:
    -Your everyday dyke, who wear flannel and a mohawk (ellen degeneres)
    - Housewife turned lesbo
    - lesbian mom (all their kids are gifted)
    - lesbian wannabe (lidsay lohan)
    - gross lesbian (rosie O'donnel)
    - and the "I can't believe you are a lesbian" lesbian (porsha de rossi)

  28. I'm thinking the review of reviews is becoming a fixture around here, sigh.

    Why does everyone have to retort, after all, I didn't Ask them.

    It doesn't make me angry and I'm not sensitive to criticism, I just don't care to have a substantiative give and take about the review. A review is a monlogue not a dialogue. Do other people who get reviewed personally respond to the reviewer?
    "Dear Ebert,

    I thought your one star review of our movie really missed the point. You say that,"Every conversation involves a combination of romantic misunderstandings, double entendres and flirtation that is just sad." Really, Ebert, you totally missed the point of my movie. Inspired by Three's Comapny, we sought to create the same mileau, the nuances that were present between the ensemble. I only wish that you could see this movie through the eyes of a teen boy who wants to get Fired Up! and cheer the big win. Yeah, you had some valid points but not really. Still, uh, thanks for the review. --Yours, the Makers of Fired Up"

    At least the angry mob wasn't sicced on me like Betsey.

  29. It's amazing how often we "miss the point" or don't get what they're going for... jeepers, we've got some huge blind spots, huh?

  30. Maybe I should be Miss Thepoint rather than Miss Missives. Are these the same people who want to talk to their kid's teacher about the disapointing B+ they got?

  31. About the review of the reviews, if you hand out flaming fingers and turd diamonds on a site called "i will fucking tear you apart", people assume they can hit you back with their grievances. Whether you asked for it or not, you can't stop people from reacting - with disclaimers or not.

    I'd imagine you guys should be able shrug it off?

  32. I would rather have someone say the review sucked than try and have a dialogue. The dialogue implies that the Reviewer is going to change his or her mind. It's an opinion people.

    Even over at Nathan's last week, at least the angry villiagers were throwing good, nasty barbs around, I guess it's the passive agressive whining that gets under my skin.

    She emailed me the review of my review and she couches it as a thank you when really it's a fuck you and a defense of her blog. I'd rather just get the fuck you because the sacharrin, false thank you makes my stomach turn. People defend their blogs when they don't like their review, even a one star.

    The problem? Everyone thinks they are an I Fucking Love You

  33. It's human nature to respond in kind to criticism, obviously. What kills me, what absolutely kills me, is when people come back and try and refute a review as though it makes any difference whatsoever to anybody other than themselves.

    Us apparently "missing the point" is an example of what people tell themselves to deal with a less-than-stellar review: shoot the messenger despite the fact that they asked the messenger to shoot them first. Complain, bitch, whine, moan, all because of some unfounded belief that they're the one, man... they're the one who's going to get feted like an Internet Wizard.

    All over a fucking blog-review.

    Hilarious. I guess we should get rid of that suggestion box, huh?

  34. Also, one more thing: the proliferation of mewling shits around here has increased by a bunch lately, and that means either a) we're getting more attention, for some reason, or b) we're hitting really close to the collective and proverbial bone.

    Or, maybe a lot of these people still believe in Santy Claus...

  35. I don't get the review of a review thing either. If I ask someone to give his or her opinion on my blog and then they give it, I need to accept that. It's so immature to ask for someone's opinion, and then discount that opinion after it's given becaus you don't like the sounds of it. God, if I whine like a bitch after my review please just tell me to shut the fuck up.

  36. We will...

    [smiley emoticon-thingy to persuade you that I'm not as big an asshole as I may appear - without the actual emoticon itself]

  37. (smiley emoticon-thingy with the big thumbs-up that tells NJ and everyone else that I'm down. With a smile and an enormous hand.)

  38. Am I alone in thinking that reading the bitching and moaning from someone you just tore a new one is rather amusing?

    When the intrawebs were new I'd spend oh-so-much-time baiting and trolling reactionary folk. Good times, which is why I like watching everything from the slap on the face to the "oh no you didn't" that inevitably follows here :)

    PS : NJ that's how you make a smiley.

  39. Post and review: Completely lame and without point. Far too PC for my tastes and yeah, whatever.

  40. Sometimes lesbians just make me tired.

  41. "most of my writing training is as a journalist, not as a journaler. My observation has been that many single-person blogs are written like journals… which is just not what I’m interested in writing."


  42. Nothing better than a lesbian with an axe (wound) to grind.

    Ah, I know. Sorry... that was awful.


Grow a pair.