Get Smart

In front of you is a nice bowl of shredded wheat. And, imagine that you're eating this shredded wheat in a blue bowl on a hazy foggy Monday morning, with skim milk, and no sugar. There's no fat. There's no sugar. There is nothing in it that's bad for you. Sadly, there is also no taste. Here, let's add a heaping spoonful of denatonium benzoate.

Mangia tutto, motherfuckers. That's today's blog.

Let me introduce you to her, via her commenting policy:

you have an opinion to express, please do so in a courteous and respectful manner.

If your opinion involves an assertion of an other-than-supernatural nature, please ensure you either have the credibility to express your opinion (i.e., an MD discussing a medical procedure), or you provide a verifiable reference for the information you're asserting is the "truth."

If your opinion involves an assertion of a supernatural nature, please recognize that the gallery has no obligation to take your assertion as "true" just because you say it is.

When expressing your opinion, please do so in a logical manner and refrain from using the standard logical fallacies to prove your point. If you have any confusion as to what constitutes logical fallacies or bad argument, please see Michael Shermer's Why People Believe Weird Things, Chapter 3, "How Thinking Goes Wrong: Twenty Five Fallacies That Lead Us to Believe Weird Things," available through Google Book Search or Amazon.

Wow, she sounds fun, doesn't she?

I feel there are any number of reasons I should like this blog:

1. The author is clearly intelligent.
2. She's a navy veteran (I love the Navy, my boyfriend is a commander in the Navy, currently TDY somewhere in Korea).
3. She writes about science and contemporary culture and has the same disdain for the sheeple that I do.

But I don't like it. And frankly, I'm not a huge fan of the author as she currently represents herself on this blog.

Here are the issues:

1) You've been blogging since 2007, and you're clearly intelligent enough to understand quantum physics, but you've saddled yourself with this layout? WTF? That's like, beginner stuff.

And, you've got your fucking twitter feed in your header, along with an ugly paragraph of text? What in the hell? Do you find this attractive? I know that engineers are often all about substance over style, but do you think this style is user-friendly for anyone?

Let me disabuse you of this notion.

And, beyond the ugliness of the template, there is a lot of SHIT on this blog. The author has a LOOONNNGGGG blogroll. Dog photos. Comments from herself and her husband. Maps of the locations of commenters and visitors. A dragon egg. More dragons. More blogroll. More groups she belongs to. Charitable causes. More shit.

Who needs this stuff? If you are going to be so broadly condescending towards the rest of humanity, you owe it to yourself to make this blog look better. I mean, seriously. Your blog needs a "what not to wear" episiode of its very own.

2) The author apparently knows everything. About everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

There is nothing human or real about this blog. It's all very mechanical. Where it isn't mechanical, it's pretentious, sneery, and condescending to the rest of us lower life forms who aren't as supercilious as the author.

Her personality is as warm as a fucking meat locker. Unfortunately, that sneeriness comes through in everything she writes, tainting it with an unpleasant, bitter taste.

Apparently, Janiece thinks that she is better than every other human being on the planet, except for those working with refugees in Darfur. When she's not lecturing us about the appropriate scientific/ethical/moral/political perspective that we should all accept as dogma falling from the very lips of god (her), she's sharing her scintillating schedule. Or posting pictures of her new cell phone, or telling us about the speed of her internet connection. Or, whining about the new cell tower going up by her house.

The worst part is, she's an unrepentant asshole. And, she knows it. And apparently, is proud of it. What has happened to this planet that people think being an asshole is a GOOD THING?

You know, we mock the shit out of blogs here, that's our shtick, and people who don't know better probably think that the reviewers here are heartless bitches (plus a bastard or two). But we aren't. We actually CARE about this stuff. We try to be funny, we throw in a joke or two, and we kind of adore our commenters (awww, shmoopsies).

But this woman is a complete and utter bitch with no redeeming qualities that I can spy, whatsoever. Who then, ironically, throws in post after post about pop culture that she supposedly doesn't care about. Ever hear of irony, oh godlike one?

If this is who you are in real life, I can't imagine that other human beings can bear more than 20 seconds in your company, and I mean that with all sincerity. You are "that woman," the one that people see coming, in the hallway, and immediately turn around and flee. And, if that description isn't you, you need to seriously consider your content on your blog and revamp it.

I don't hate the posts in the following categories:

When Hillbillies Attack

Well-behaved Women Rarely Make History

But, for the record, I could have found similar or better content in another format from a different author that would have been less abrasive and full of snotty overtones.

I'd also appreciate it if you would stop misusing the term "hillbilly." I think the phrase you are looking for is "white trash." Hillbilly is a specific geographical reference to the hill people of the Appalachian and Ozark mountains. As a proud descendent of hillbillies from the Ozarks, I'd like to invite you to take your hillbilly references and shove them so far up your urethra that you start leaking urine out of your ears.

The rest of the posts on this blog need to be thrown in a hole and torched, preferably with gasoline. I don't think a permit will be required. No one will miss them.

To get you started, here's a finger:



Before you type another word on your blog, here are some smart people whose blogs you should read since they manage to be smart while simultaneously avoiding being patronizing:

Niagaran Pebbles
The Highway Hags
Honey Pie
Praying to Darwin