Honestly, Just Fucking Knock It Off

You Forgot Your Brain finds me insomnia-addled and choking on the deep-fried chicken-bones of jealousy this morning, utterly envious of anyone who's been zapped with a full-frontal lobotomy or any kind massive, mind-altering head-trauma, because I’m almost certain that I wouldn’t have to review this rectal-spray of a blog were I clinically brain-damaged. Upon further perusal, however, perhaps the mentally-enfeebled is actually SVC’s intended audience, judging by the insane-asylum-gray background and grammatical snafus that bring to mind an orangutan bashing the keyboard with his elbows. Either way, I’m fucked coming and going, and this review is inescapable.

It’s not just that he’s annoying, it’s that he’s aggressively annoying; it’s like reading the musings of a four-year-old who got his head caught in a motorboat propeller, or the screaming idiocy of a howler-monkey with a paper-cut. There is absolutely no discernible difference at all between his first post and his last, and considering he’s been at this since 2005, I think it’s time to give in to nature and let irresistible contemptibility and overwhelming disinterest kill this blog dead.

I managed to cull some (sic) sentences from this atrocity before I ran outside in a hysterical rage looking for a small creature to strangle with my bare hands, so, please, judge for yourselves:

As Roger Ebert:

Some uncommon observations about [Ferris Bueller’s Day Off]: Sloan could have been hotter. When casting a lead hot girlfriend, she should be smokin hot, someone to drool over. Her voice is great, I have dreams about her voice, but we could have dialed up the looks on her a little bit. I mean, it is a hollywood movie, lets go people. A 7 on the scale of 1-10 doesn't cut it. Jennifer Grey, ferris' sister was hotter. Wow, hows that for a scary thought?

As a misogynist:

I love the term skank. I find that if one woman really hates another woman, that is the best term they use. Famous cases of skanks include Jennifer Love Hewitt, Tara Reid, Lynnsey Lohan, and Christine Aguilara. Men generally have no opinion about these girls, but mention those names around other females in an appreciative way and you will undoubtidly get a quick lip curl snarl. That being said, the local banks around here have quite a reputation for hiring skanks as bank tellers. You can tell they had a hard night of indirect prostitution so they are not exactly perky at 9AM. They're staring at the clock waiting for their next cancer stick break and a cell phone call to the 30 yr old guy they slobbered over to talk about a trip to planned parenthood on the lunch break.

As a jock:

For all the sports fans out there. Can we get a petition togethor for Fox to put rat poisen in Joe Buck's coffee? I would say the petition should be for his resignation, but he would just find work on some other network to annoy the crap out of everyone. I am so sick of his self-righteous crap. He never played sports and he needs to keep his opinions concerning player and manager behaviour to himself. I know his dad was an announcer too, but he didn't suck. Anyway, I hate games called by him and if I ever see him, he can expect to be tackled and made to chain smoke until we have to remove his larynx.

A couple of quick hits:

I stash things I might need everywhere, I am chronic prepare in case of emergency type guy and then forget that I put it there.

Why not just go see the real band or, if they are a broken up band; preserve the memories correctly through the tapes?

I have all the sick days I need, dress as I choose, can be as late as I want, and take off when I want. Not that I do because you feel responsible, but it's nice to know it is there.

Haphazard, inane, quasi-imbecilic claptrap thrown at the screen with indifference - it’s just wall-to-wall, irredeemable garbage that makes the dumpster behind a third-rate Thai-food restaurant look like a debutante’s ball; if horseshit was teeth, this guy would have the biggest smile in the universe.

Seriously, dude: fuck off, and don't come back.