Faux Ginny said...to Dirty Pirate Hooker
You are about as entertaining as a child's inflatable punching toy. You bop it, it springs back, you bop it again and you forget it ever existed. It slowly deflates in an unused corner, then one day you throw it away. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: take a fatal overdose of your child's medication. Your cats will eat you and destroy all evidence you ever disgraced the world with your pathetic existence.Faux G. said... to Betsey Booms
March 26, 2009 1:16 PM
Yes god please die. Your value doesn't even amount to a urinal filled with drunk's piss. If life was fair, you would simply hang yourself from the nearest lamp post instead of blogging, you inbred banjo-pickin' hillbilly.In the meantime keep typing. Maybe, someday, you'll randomly type something semi-intelligent. Was this post a conclusion or simply the place where you got tired of thinking? Well, you're certainly thoughtless; I just wish that you were keyboard-less, too.
March 26, 2009 1:34 PM
Anonymous Jason said... to G.
Idiot. Do you think you are some kind of poet or something? My dog writes better than this. If I wrote like this and looked like you I would be searching for a place to hide not belong.
March 26, 2009 2:02 PM
Faux Love Bites said to Ginny
You post in a way that makes slugs and other invertebrates look like Nobel Prize winners. Dullard, while you're off on your weekend vacation, do yourself and everyone else a favor: disconnect your computer from the Internet and never connect it again. I suggest the next time that you feel an urge to embarrass yourself and bore others, that you summon all your might, and resist.
Thu, 26 Mar 2009 3:24 PM
Faux Whackman said... to Father Gene
I believe it's called "Kit Kat", moron.That post is indicative of what this blog is starting to become. Just as stupid as Brutalism and all the rest.Your ineffective imitation of good posting style only serves to illuminate your lack of substance, good taste, and decency.Thanks for your contribution, but if I had wanted to hear from somebody with your IQ, I'd be at my local supermarket talking to the vegetables. Lawnmower repair manuals are far more interesting than you, and far less turgid to read. If you called the Suicide Hotline, they'd say: "Go ahead. Do it!" Oh well, at least you only charge what your free advice is worth.
3/26/2009 4:45 PM
So vote for your favorite or try to solve the mystery, was it the Authoress with a candlestick in the library? Or was it Colonel Mustard with a noose in the caboose.
My favorite was the FauxGinny to DPH. I got this great image in my head and then realized that I would have to clean up that mess.
ReplyDeleteSo would you rather be:
ReplyDeletea child's inflatable toy?
an inbred banjo pickin' hillbilly?
a poet with writing skills inferior to a dog?
a dullard?
a person with an IQ commesurate with a zucchini?
Hmmm, it's a tough choice.
As soon as I get banjo lessons from MG, I will fit all the criteria listed above so I guess my answer is D) all of the above.
ReplyDeleteSomeone sat down and articulated all that hatred with faux identities no less. You guys are fuckin popular. Sigh, I'm jealous.
ReplyDeleteNext up, a spot on NPR to be followed by the death of Ask. We need to get unpopular before someone reports our jumping of the eshark.
ReplyDeleteI sense a pretty clear voice on this one, I mean can't you just hear it in the line,
ReplyDelete"I believe it's called "Kit Kat", moron."
It's someone who knows their chocolate and they were all suspiciously free of spelling errors.
Oh, and it most certainly is a female doing all of this.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the faux comments, I imagine someone almost daintily glove slapping someone in the face.
ReplyDeleteI know, right? Holy verbose villainy, Batman! I'm hoping the next round of insults reads more like a fisticuffs death match in Thailand.
ReplyDeleteFor the record. Faux Jason wasn't Faux Jason.
ReplyDeleteFaux Jason was the real Mr. Booms defending my honor.
Shut up.
He actually feels really bad. His trigger finger is so itchy it took him about 5.5 seconds to retaliate before we could come to the conclusion that we had a faux on on our hands.
I've apologized to G. for it already.
I like how Real Jason used my pet name for Tits in his attack. Chivalry with a side of humor.
ReplyDeleteOnce the smoke cleared, he didn't mean any of it, obviously.
ReplyDeleteIt was Jason's angry doppleganger, kind of like the Hulk.
ReplyDeleteOh and PS... My dog doesn't actually write at all so that's a blatant lie.
ReplyDeleteYeah, no eye scratching or hair pulling.
I wish someone would defend my honor once in awhile.
ReplyDeleteMiss M: I totally would if I thought there would be some sort of sexual reward involved.
ReplyDeleteIs it wrong that the idea of a noose in the caboose made me kind of tingly? Yup, I'm pretty sure it is.
ReplyDeleteDoes Miss Missives not hand out candy on Halloween, so goes it with honor defending.
ReplyDeleteAnd Mr. Lady, for a nominal fee, I can make noose magic happen, you just have to sign this disclaimer/waiver.
Mr Lady: I would love to continue this conversation with you over a few cocktails and some barbiturates.
ReplyDeleteMiss M: I think I would have better luck finding DPH's hymen then I would finding 'honor' in you that was defense-worthy.
Probably true.
ReplyDeleteClearly I feel no shame, so I will be voting for myself. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI think the best part is that it really did not have it's desired affect in making us all pissed at each other. Gay. Try harder next time, asswipe.
Also, my hymen is relatively easy to find. Just look up a guy named Scott Melore. I'm pretty sure it's still on his bedspread...
Oh, and my runner up vote goes to Tits Magee.
ReplyDeleteI'm the runner up for the comment, not your hymen, right, DPH?
ReplyDeleteDPH's Hungry Hungry Hymen.
ReplyDeleteI love that the grand, master-plan of this dickwad was to make us angry with each other. Like, that's the whole thing - in theory, we'd get mad at one another and then... what? We'd throw our toys around in a fit?
ReplyDelete"I'm not talking to Ginny anymore - she was mean to me."
Instead, not only didn't we take it out on one another, we had something to do on Wednesday.
Win win!
I'm picking noose in the caboose, because cyber-stalker is a man-hater.
If anything, all this little ruse did was hurt Jobbers' big man feelings. Seriously, what type of horrible person would want to hurt my precious bald Canadian friend? I feel like defending some honor now.
ReplyDeleteLike you, Sir Ghost, I was offended that cyber-stalker completely avoided us - I mean, you want to fight, but you don't want to fight with us?
ReplyDeleteLame.
You are the only two 'tards I know who are insulted at not being insulted.
ReplyDeleteI think this is where you reevaluate your priorities or something.
Unless you've already done that, then carry on.
1. Ghost, it's respect. At least that's what I tell myself when I lie my head down on my soggy-from-the-tears-I've-cried-over-this-event pillow.
ReplyDelete2. Booms, I live for conflict, and it just feels like I'm set-up behind the 3-point line and nobody's passing me the ball...
Sports analogies are the greatest.
Also, as we Canadians know, "Honor" is a registered trademark of the United States; that's why we spell it with a "u".
ReplyDeleteLook, I don't know about sports analogies, however I do know that I look at Jason and laugh every time they say "dribble penetration" and then we sit there coming up with different scenarios of what dribble penetration could mean.
ReplyDeleteAll I know, is I'm sure my son is the product of it.
I think this was a tangent and I'm going to stop it right now.
Sorry.
Go back to living for conflict.
I feel the same way. It's almost as if it's the bottom of the ninth and I just shot the pitcher and the shortstop multiple times then tried to...wait, I think I took a wrong turn with that analogy.
ReplyDeleteThe girlfriend & I do the same thing with "they've got Shaq deep in the box", or "Iverson to the hole."
ReplyDeleteWhoops. I yelled at Wazz Dickpump for writing "ineffective imitation of good posting style." Sorry, Wazz. Didn't realize all this subterfuge was afoot.
ReplyDeleteJust do like GoK does. Act the same way constantly and then it doesn't really matter.
ReplyDeleteBooms: Exactamundo.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of oozing.
ReplyDeleteOur shit starting faux commenter spent more time on my blog looking around Friday afternoon, including trying to get into my statcounter.
Nosy and honourless.
Must have a good antibiotic.
Consistency, my ultimate weapon.
ReplyDeleteI think the shit disturber has a crush on me. I'm the only one they didn't want dead. Sigh. Young love.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking Profiler style here. Why did the faux commenter pick those particular people to impersonate/attack? Is there a significance to that or was it just random Askers they selected?
ReplyDeleteBetsey - Why are you so certain it was a woman?
I'm not sure. I wasn't the one who said it was a woman.
ReplyDeleteI think that one was started by GoK.
Trust me, had it been a dude, he woulda gone after me or Jobber. No man would go after a female like that. Unless...maybe a gay male. Did you broads piss off any Mos' lately?
ReplyDeleteI'm on board with Jobber and GoK, and remain personally offended. I am worth it, aren't I? I feel tossed aside and ignored. Much like Canada.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I deserve to be harassed.
ReplyDeleteAgreed - if you're going to Sea World anyway, why wouldn't you visit the shark tank?
ReplyDeleteI'm a hammerhead.
I go to Sea World to shoot people in the face with the squirt guns.
ReplyDeleteWhat does that mean?
The boys deserve to be harnessed.
ReplyDeleteHarnessed? Miss M, I think you need a spanking.
ReplyDeleteCan I harass Rassles?
ReplyDeleteI have experience with such things.
~ Driz
Driz, you were the best harasser a girl could ask for.
ReplyDeleteIs it weird that I keep reading "harasser" as "hairdresser"?
ReplyDeleteIt seems weird.
Now that you mention it, I have been searching for an emotionally demeaning hairstyle.
ReplyDeleteTry being platinum blonde, I'm always emotionally demeaned.
ReplyDeleteWe should call you the platinum bullet. Little known fact: that's the secret second way to kill a werewolf.
ReplyDeleteWow, that hurt my last feeling.
ReplyDeleteAnd now we can mold you and shoot you at wolfmen.
ReplyDeleteThey have nards, you know.
GoK, I would go for sometimes smart, but thanks nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it's a chick. Actually, I'm picturing a certain chick who is referred to in DPH's quote of the week. That may just be me.
ReplyDeleteI might agree Rachie! cause we all know what a whiny group they were but the faux comments seem to have a lot more flourish and imagery then braniacs. They almost smack of hmmm, let's see, a priction writer.
ReplyDeleteLook, all's I'm sayin is she hasn't disputed my claim.
ReplyDeleteGok, if you read the biscotti bacon post and then read the faux comments, I see a lot of similarities in voice. Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe not. Plus, if you look at the sum total of her comments here, she always purrs all over da boys and is snippy with girls. Plus the hooker insulted her pretty good, and so did Booms. Though Mongolian girl did too and she seems to have gone unscathed.
ReplyDeleteMiss M: Go check the comments section under NJ's last review (I think) I stated the exact same thing and nobody was buying my bill of goods. I'm a supersleuth, Medammnit.
ReplyDeleteMy bad, it was under Geno's last review.
ReplyDeleteWait a minute, Mongolian girl did get one, it was pretty tame, another from faux G..
ReplyDeleteI am sooooooo looking forward to her review.
ReplyDeleteSo Meddling Dreadlord Ghost, you want to do it?
ReplyDeleteOh, now we're just operating out of spite over here?
ReplyDeleteRassles, I don't think anyone's entirely objective at this point.
ReplyDeleteStill...I've never been a big fan of "She hit me first."
ReplyDeleteAre you trying to get in my pants, Miss M? Because you're doing a great job so far. Only if the Hooker gets to join in on the fun.
ReplyDeleteAnd really, given her recent post, she can't be too surprised if it isn't cake and party hats all around.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's because I'm not anti-Mia.
ReplyDeleteI think any of us would give her a nearly objective review, after all, even if she did leave the faux comments, I think most people thought of it as more entertaining than hurtful.
ReplyDeleteI actually think the review would be nearly the same as it would have been weeks ago, just perhaps more salient now.
She is also coming up in the queue, so we're not talking about an impropmtu review, she did submit.
ReplyDeleteok, but then explain why I got hit, coming AND going, and I've never had word one with Her?
ReplyDeleteBecause you're purdy.
ReplyDeleteRemember, you were the only one who wasn't asked to die.
ReplyDeleteThis looks a lot like an old friend of mine. I won't mention names. Dare I invoke and the wrath come upon you.
ReplyDeleteLillith, hunbun is that you?
Wait,what did I do to insult her?
ReplyDeleteI toss insults around so haphazardly I apparently don't remember.
I'm also a terrible drunk with a short attention span.
Hey I didn't ask but I still received. I guess I should probably find a rape kit then.
ReplyDeleteI'm inclined to believe it's flow chart in any case. She seems articulate enough.
Well at least I'm inferior to a dog and not a zucchini.
Honestly, I'm with Rassles on this one.
ReplyDeleteI just have to go on the side of fairness. I'm just like that.
I offer to do the review, if it helps. Of course, I'm dripping with credibility, which would obviously make for an astoundingly nonbiased review.
ReplyDeleteOh that is my vote for sure. I'd offer to do it but nobody could handle another Boomsgate.
ReplyDelete92 comments? Holy shit! I am so not reading all of that.
ReplyDelete"G" commented on my blog with a simple, "*yawn". I was led to some 16-year-old's blog??? I thought, "Well fuck all. Just when I was ready to shove some dumb fuck's head up our horse's vag and now I probably can't 'cause s/he is a minor."
I want everyone to do two things:
1) Imagine me shoving some kid's head up our horse's vag
2) Getting DPH and GoKD out here to the holler for banjo lessons and poop haulin'
3) Go look at our new foal because she is beautiful and I am in love with her
I realize that is 3 things and I said 2 and #3 is probably some kind of self-promotion. But I can't count so, suck it. And I love our foal, so suck that as well.
Ahhhhhh...I've missed me some Askers.
So I did end up reading all of the comments, and am utterly confused. As per usual.
ReplyDeleteSeven things:
1) 'G' didn't infer any wish for me to die. What's up with that? Am I actually getting to the age that it seems I shouldn't be physically threatened? I've been wanting to knee cap someone with my fancy new nail gun, and now this. Fuck.
2) For some reason NJ actually commenting with the word 'exactamundo' made me think of a copier salesman and I am hysterical over it
3) Did I actually threaten someone? Was it on my ass raping day? Or the threats vag washing and pumpkin muffins?
Yeah, I know that's 3 and I said seven. I don't know either, OK?
Also, I've missed you all so much that I could break out into one of those Rassles/Boomers Foreigner songs at any moment.
Did I spell Foreigner/Foriegenerrrer right?
Fuck all!
You wouldn't believe how often I get mistaken for a copier-salesman... spooky, that.
ReplyDeleteAm I retarded in love with you people or what?
ReplyDeleteI just need to say that the only time I've ever heard the word 'turgid' (faux Wackman comment) used in regard to a penis.
That doesn't say anything about me does it?
It's like that time I described my Li'l Jobber as "tumescent" - nobody was impressed.
ReplyDeleteHow does a huge vocabulary go so unappreciated in the sack?
Unbelievable.
NJ: I don't claim to know shit about Canuckistan, but here's how it works in the U.S. of A.
ReplyDeleteWhen speaking about your package, use short words, they imply that you are not short in the pants. The more words you waste on describing your dick, the less interested everyone will become. Short words, like 'big', 'hard', 'cut', and 'throbbing' should get you into most pussy. Look, you owe me $800 dollars.
You're probably right, though I doubt standing up on the bed and yelling, "what, you've never read a fucking thesaurus before?" didn't help the overall ambiance.
ReplyDeleteAlso, $800 seems a little steep. I mean, it's not like you showed me how to work my turn-signal or anything.
Eh Gok. You have competition.
ReplyDeleteThat was hilarious - come on.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised you were able to overcome the hilarity enough to comment, my dear. By all rational logic, you should still be rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter...
Than,
ReplyDeleteI fucking love you. That made my evening. Sorta. But I am a batter machine, Starbucks doesn't have a chance.
I'll be honest: this is one of those 100-comment threads I want to plaque and hang on my wall.
ReplyDeleteI love you guys.
[sniff]
Three drinks ago? Sure. Now, with some water to equal me out, I can see that sippin' on another man's kool-aid isn't worth a motorboat, even if I haven't been asked that in years.
ReplyDeleteTouche.
That's way too subtle a joke for me. Plus, I'm colourblind when it comes to Kool-Aid: I see flavours, not ethnic groups...
ReplyDeleteYou're all up in my kool aid and you don't even know my flava!
ReplyDeleteNo worries, NJ, she's about as black as I am rich. Lol.
ReplyDeleteLoj, Tigress Woods.
ReplyDeleteYou're no longer allowed to post the picture of me in the giant towel diaper. So there!
ReplyDeleteWait...
Wouldn't you prefer a grape soda, then?
ReplyDeleteNJ, we really refer to call it "purple drink". We're too poor to afford soda.
ReplyDeleteTwo words, DPH:
ReplyDelete1. Uncle.
2. Tom.
GoK, could you say it in ebonics?
ReplyDeleteAlso, didn't I tell you to please not refer to me by my slave name?
I'm guessing either Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf Hooker or Dirty Nazr Mohammad.
ReplyDeleteClose?
I got it: Kareem Abdul-Hookar.
ReplyDeleteI fucking love you NJ!
ReplyDeleteNJ: I'm a lifelong Nuggets fan, so you can imagine how thrilled I was that you remember Chris Jackson's islamic name. Here's a nugget for everyone else:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.hoopsaddict.com/2008/07/22/hey-whatever-happened-to-mahmoud-abdul-rauf/
I think he had Tourette's, right?
ReplyDeleteEither way, helluva jumper on that guy.
He sure did have tourette's, NJ. But yes, helluva jumper. Go check that link I left, gives you a good idea of just how fucking good he was.
ReplyDeleteChrist, I didn't know he had a 50-point game. All I remember is reading about him growing up and having a routine where he had to hit 10 consecutive free-throws before he could leave the gym. Not just makes either; the net had to snap just right on each shot before he could go home. So he'd sit there, tears streaming down his face, not psychologically able to stop until it was just right. Fascinating.
ReplyDeleteExplains the free-throw percentage thing, though, doesn't it?
What is this? A place for a civil discussion and a forum for respectful exchange of ideas?
ReplyDeleteYeah man, probably one of the best scoring guards to play out west. Nobody really gives him his due. Mostly because of the great group of guards playing at the time. His scoring really spiked after the conversion to Islam. Man, memory lane. He had a horrible tic, that got worse each season.
ReplyDeleteI remember winning a bet with my Jr. High basketball coach. That was the year Denver shocked Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp in the first round of the playoffs. I think it was 1993.
ReplyDelete1994, my bad.
ReplyDeleteMount Mutombo lying on his back, gripping that ball like it was going to run away from him - that was huge.
ReplyDeleteStill no excuse for those uniforms, though... yes, and I say that when my hometown team used to wear little red dinosaurs on their chest.
I think I will indeed shut up now.
That was huge. And no, you don't have any room to talk about bad unis, NJ. Everyone knows velociraptors were avid tennis players.
ReplyDeleteAh. Have been going over old posts to understand the wangst the commenting crew is in. No, am not faux anyone. Have no particular annoyance with the femmes of the group and only minor irrits with some.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am up for review in a bit. But would suggest you get accusations correct, prior. If I attack, I attack in the open. Why would I hide?
Just admit it.
ReplyDeleteAdmit what? That you annoy me and frankly I find you confusing? Absolutely. That I am some freak IT wizard and hack crap to post free comments. Hardly.
ReplyDeleteI'm flattered but no. You have the wrong person. I come out and say what I mean.
Um, Flaming Queso.
ReplyDeleteThe comment I read. I commend you for knowing what you like and don't. Congrats. Not many can.
ReplyDeleteNever was one form quesadillas, myself. Throw some salsa on, GoK. Perhaps you'll enjoy it more.
Thanks, but the only confusion here rests in your comprehension of simple spanish. Queso, FQ, is more like a dip. A quesadilla, FQ, is more like a tortilla with cheese, some sort of meat and maybe some grilled onions.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how any of my commentary can be seen as 'confusing'.
Just never met with someone like you before. A curiosity I have yet to understand.
ReplyDeleteFQ: Y por lo menos, gracias para instructarme. Mi nomb.re es Mia. Piensalo
That's what I get for skimming the blog, though I did wish to discover what the fuss was about.
Now. Seriously. Am not a faux commenter.
Pendejo.
ReplyDeleteI like this game.
Look, chupacabra, you have two distinct voices. They both suck. I will thank you to leave my hands out of this, FQ. Oh, FQ=Flaming Queso. That's you.
ReplyDeleteYou dragged me in GoK. I'm not here by choice. Once upon a time, I subbed a review request before reading the full site. I'm not sorry for it and will take my due.
ReplyDeleteHowever, making assumptions to my character based upon internet dialogue is not your most clever act I suspect.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry you think I have attacked someone. I haven't. I play as rough as I get, but I don't play mean and shitty.
Um, it is your choice to be here, FQ.
ReplyDeleteIndeed.
ReplyDeleteI had the erroneous hope that by responding to the accusation made regarding faux comments, you'd realize you had the wrong person.
As to your sentiments on me, my voice(s), my writing, my comments, my needs, whatever... you're free to them. But have them honestly and without thought that I would be underhanded enough to post without responsibility.
I have no qualms with honest opinions. No argument with them either. I do take exception to misplaced blame.
FWIW, I blame that spineless lawyer Eric who comments over on Nathan's blog. TOtally sounds like him. i don't think it's Mia.
ReplyDeleteEh, it was a fifty-fifty shot. Not like she was contributing much around here anyway. Guess I should reconsider my career as a Supersleuth. In my defense, it was a boring day on the webs, this was a great source of entertainment.
ReplyDeleteThanx, LB. Am actually relieved.
ReplyDeleteGoK, have never been a mouse in an internet game. Not a favorable experience. May you continue to dislike me in peace if you will it. I accept that for its honesty.