Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Pos-itively a Stranger in a Strange Land

Week after miserable week, Miss Missives has trudged the dregs over here at Ask. I've grimaced through post after post: the mundane, the inane, the poorly penned. I'm not a mean person, I don't like giving out slews of flaming fingers. Well, that's not entirely true but what I really like about loitering these hallowed hallways is finding the odd gem. Oh the joys of discovering a writer that rather than labor through, you pore over each entry until you realize an hour has passed in a blink.

Now if Miss Missives didn't know for a fact that her husband, Mister Missives doesn't have the patience to blog and cannot keep secrets from her anyhow, she might have thought looking at Niagaran Pebbles, that she had found his super secret blog. Posol'stvo shares a lot in common with my mister and I thought I'd state that up front since I adore Mister Missives so it might bias me a little favorably in the Pos department.

Though his About Me is a little thin, a thorough reading of Niagaran Pebbles can tell you a lot about the man behind the Medved. For instance:

He is a language and grammar purist.
His wife breaks the ice for him and she likes to drink wine, a lot.
He is a shy crapper.
He is a graceful pragmatist.
He's conflicted about masturbation.
He doesn't enjoy constantly being sniffed
Like Miss Missives, he has seen David Sedaris read in person.
He is a boob man.
He is a closet romantic.
He has an eye for irony.
He has cross-dressed.
He might have been switched at birth.
He writes well, really well.

Here are just a few samples of really good writing:
In my youth and intemperance, I have said unkind words to innocent people out of anger. I have said angry words to innocent people out of ignorance. I have said ignorant words to innocent people out of unkindness.

I am reminded of the time when I found out that my best friend's father, who was always a very uptight and proper man named Jerome, was called Jerry at work. Jerry? Jerry is not a name for an uptight, proper, disciplinarian. Jerry is the guy who tells lewd jokes at the water cooler. Jerry's the guy you have to call a cab for at the Christmas party because he's too drunk to drive. If Jerome caught you looking at dirty magazines, he would probably whip out the belt, but if Jerry caught you, he'd help you find the good letters in the forum section.

Old age has stripped away the layers of shattered obsidian glass that made her such a prickly person to be around. She doesn't remember anyone, who she felt wronged by, anything. She is like a toddler again, filled with wonder and a little fear at not knowing where she is.

Like all of us, Pos could benefit from some serious editing. There are posts that are unnecessarily wordy that could be trimmed to highlight his best work. Still, he's not freakishly verbose and even the long posts were readable. Pos, you have clear voice which is pivotal in writing. You have beautiful phrasing, I even like your poetry.

My chief complaint about the writing is that some posts are better than others. There's the unnecessary, a little work blah here and there, and more than a handful of pedestrian rants. However, if my main complaint is that not every post grabbed me then Pos is way above the fold. Even the meh posts didn't cause my eyes to bleed or my soul to shrivel, it just made me want to skim until I hit the next great post. And who am I to say that the posts that left me wanting don't appeal to someone else because that's another great thing about you Pos, you cast a wide net.

As for the template, it's clean and unassuming. Your sidebar tends toward minimalism and I thank you, for not provoking a migraine with all manner of flashy, blinky, maptastic, statarific bric-a-brac and fauxwards. Pos, not only are you a talented writer, you are intelligent without being immodest. You are as humble as you are intellectual and you clearly don't take yourself too seriously. You are thoughtful and irreverent and you are definitely welcome around these parts, shibboleth indeed. Tell your wine guzzling wife to be careful or we might just steal her husband. There's a long line of girls around these parts just waiting for a smart, funny, introvert who can really write.







72 comments:

  1. Look at Miss Missives, logging her review before the sun peeks over the horizon. And a 4-star effort, no less!

    This week is the AAYSR golden age.

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  2. Damn, it really is a good week around these parts. I love finding new blood for my reader.

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  3. Two in a row?

    I have to admit, I don't LOVE either of the last two blogs, but I can see their merit.

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  4. Husky Roo! (Something from Nigerian Pebbles that made me laugh!)
    Yeah, what's up with adding two blogs to my reader in the same week anyway?

    Bluestreak: Dishwasher? Washing machine? Maybe we can get the washing machine load off center so it vibrates more.

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  5. I discovered Niagaran Pebbles after the author insulted me on this very site :) And I'm really glad that happened because his blog is awesome. And now Pos and I read one another's blogs. It's like a fairytale. Well without the kissing and the happily ever after. Great review! Although I probably would have given it an "I fucking love you!" But I'm not a reviewer - just your average Joe reader.

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  6. Gwen, I teetered between 4 stars and IFLY too. I ended up going with 4 because the most recent entries swing in the meh direction and there are quite a few duds but the gems are there nonetheless, just had to dig a little.

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  7. After these rare positive reviews I can understand a little more about what you people look for in a blog. I doubt it will improve my writing, but it's worth seeing just the same.

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  8. It feels really warm and pink around here this week, no?
    But, again, I like this fellow. He's funny without being crass, something I will never accomplish.

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  9. Whackman: In the end, it is ALWAYS about the writing.

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  10. This is the problem with good blogs. Compliments, yay, mad skillz, aaaaaaaand now we have nothing to talk about.

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  11. I know Rassles. The shitty blogs are more fun to comment on. I think it's interesting how when people get bad reviews they often say, or their defenders say, "that review site hates everyone." Obviously, that isn't the case. There are many blogs that get positive reviews. The reviewers don't rip apart bloggers just for the fun of it. They rip them apart when they actually suck.

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  12. Let me see if I can help with getting a comment shit storm started....

    Screw you all and the horse you rode in on! ;)

    Seriously though... Thanks. I am honored by the rating. And the review. I would say that I am humbled, but I'm not, any more than I would say that I am "arroganted." But I *am* surprised. I was hoping for one star, maybe. (I certainly would have been harsher on me.)

    More than that I'll speak not.

    P.S. - "Medved" is Russian for "bear," the animal I most associate with. With Bigezbear yesterday, and Medved today, seems to be an odd theme a-lurking here.

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  13. Hey Pos, I have another suggestion. If a blog were a book, I'd say cut all the crap, but it's not, it's part book, part log, part sounding board. So rather than only posting the winners, you should creat a 'Best Of' to highlight the writing you are really proud of. That way, when new readers peruse the site, they can get a taste of the good stuff right away.

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  14. GoK -- Please to help out relative newcomer? What is deal with "Biscotti?" What means this?

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  15. Loved Pos. Just linked him in favor of a mommy blog that has been chaffing my ass just to read.

    Seriously? Who the fuck wants to only ever read about someone else's darlings? Every post. All the time.

    Blech. Pos rocks. Mia Fucking Loves Him.

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  16. Oh, you're a brave little bear. Let's just say I shouldn't be allowed to bake naked.

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  17. Okay. So I may be wrong but I take that to mean that a biscotti, when referenced by you, is like a Lewinsky cigar. Correct? (You are not exactly being very forthcoming, sir.)

    If so, in this context, what does the reference mean?

    And yes, I am either a very brave bear. Or a very stupid one. But when you're a bear you can get away with a lot of 'stupid' since no one really fucks with a bear.

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  18. Here:
    The biscotti are infused with GoK semen. So, when I offer a biscotti, I am infact suggesting that everyone try my semen. In a biscotti. How's that for 'forthcoming'?

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  19. Baking nude is dangerous when possessing dangly bits. Did your pubes make it through the fire?

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  20. Food from strangers. Bad.
    Food from Strange Naked man. Worse

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  21. Disturbing.

    Yet much more clear.

    Still, it does seem like an odd time to be offering this. (And who was it offered to? Cause, well, I'm just not hungry for that. Don't take it personally.) Not criticizing. Just saying. I clearly am living a different life than you.

    Fish gotta swim, dog gotta bark,
    Bear gotta ask, Key gotta ... bake?

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  22. Look, bear, I've got some serious inventory issues here. So for me, there is no 'odd' time to tout my baked goods. I'm offering to all. Unless I specify otherwise. Also, its not so much that I need to bake: its more along the lines of 'I feel the need to ejaculate on edibles'.

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  23. Good to know.

    I think I'll avoid the seafood bisque as well.

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  24. Pos, here's how it works, Key's our official lowbrow malescot, yu can now be our highbrow.

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  25. Which is why just yesterday I Twittered (shut up!) that you would never find biscotti in my keister - You can count on that!

    It seemed kind of random at the time but it wasn't.

    Because unlike other people, I don't want GoK's semen in my keister.

    Frankly, I don't want a hard hunk of bread cookie up there either but you know, you have to pick our battles.

    Plus? I'm pretty sure I could fashion biscotti into a shiv of some sort.

    I think we're all clear here now.

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  26. Oh and this is where I go back and read a few more comments and see if what I wrote was at all relevant.

    That is why I'm so crazy successful at life.

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  27. Teen Wolf would never fucking say segue.

    He'd never say say die.

    He'd have a friend with a "What are you looking at, Dicknose" T-shirt.

    He'd kiss Boof and scratch her back all up.

    He'd have a 10 dollar hair cut.

    He would NEVER SAY SEGUE.

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  28. I'm with Boomer, because there is no way that was actually Teen Wolf.

    (Stiles? Are you being tricksy again?)

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  29. These waves are mine.

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  30. If by waves you mean your hairy balls, well you are right FAKE Teen Wolf.

    Fake Teen Wolf is a phony and a fraud.

    Small children will cry because of you Fake Teen Wolf.

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  31. It must be faux Stiles from Teen Wolf Too.

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  32. Rassles - he's not faux.

    He's real...

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  33. I know, I know. They all are.

    I suddenly feel very small.

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  34. Betsy, I totally wanted to comment about your unwillingness to sample GoK's biscotti anally.

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  35. Rassles - I feel like you and I should be under a blanket, with our flashlights in a tent in the back yard, whispering "he's real"

    Oh and Wolfman's got nards.

    Rachie - Really? You had a question about that?

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  36. We should get a super-secret club house and form our own Monster Squad!

    Oh, this is going to be bad ass.

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  37. Right at this moment - I'm everything Monster Squad.

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  38. Scary German guy is bitchin'!

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  39. What are the two ways to kill a werewolf?

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  40. There's only one way - shoot him with a silver bullet! Even throwing him out of a window onto a bomb or dynamite won't work or old age.

    I wanna be Fat Kid.

    Where am I supposed to get silver bullets - KMart?

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  41. Wait, Wait...

    Creature took my Twinkie.

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  42. I really love Pos's blog. My boyfriend is also an INTJ, and it's like getting a secret peep at my boyfriend's mysterious innards. I really dig everything this guy writes, because I can see my guy saying the same thing.

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  43. One would have to wonder if all those preservatives in a twinkie might kill a werewolf...eventually.

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  44. Whateva, I'm an ENFP, bitches.

    (Do we know any virggins?)

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  45. Mom said you have to let me up or it's prescription.

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  46. It's discrimination, jerkoid.

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  47. Prescription is drugs and that is exactly what you are on if you think we're letting you up here.

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  48. Um, Rassles...

    We have a sickness.

    A serious sickness.

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  49. Awww, man, Fat Kid farted.

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  50. That my friend, is a sickness. Fat kids farting.

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  51. Whatever, Monster Squad is rad and anyone who says otherwise is a total jerkoid, and we'll send Frankenstein after them.

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  52. I'm finding it this weekend and I tried to convince my husband that the kids would freaking dig his movie.

    I remember watching it being all, "This is the best movie ever!"

    Why else would I shout "Kick 'em in the Nards!" constantly to this day?

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  53. ...you think we scared people off?

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  54. Possibly. We are slightly freakish. I mean I was just told earlier today that I'm not matter of fact, I'm matter of fiction.

    I don't know what that means, but shivs, Teen Wolf and Zombies were brought as evidence against me.

    Going to mapquest "Big Scary Mansion" now.

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  55. And Foreigner. Do not forget the importance of Foreigner in all of this.

    Well, at least for freakish fictional heroes, we are insanely good-looking.

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  56. Hmmm - I'm a Frankenstein. Can I join the Monster Squad? I could be like your enforcer and scare off those who "think otherwise".

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  57. Or Huey Mah'Fucking Lewis.

    You really need to make sure you use his full name... Especially when you are yelling at the concert that I'm pretending I'm not jealous over!

    At least I know about Lou Gramm's wedding singing services, I guess.

    Dude - You and me? We are as close to some weird awesome/rad love child combo that is totally topped with bacon!

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  58. I apologize for the mistake. I should have realized that Huey Mah'Fuckin Lewis was up there with mahfuckin' Cook Ranch Doritos and mahfuckin' stroganoff (what what).

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  59. We should create a new blog. Call it "The Monster Squad" and devote it completely to all of these amazing things we're obsessed with, and link back to all of our old blog entries where they all originated.

    It can be sponsored by Loggins and Joaquin Phoenix.

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  60. Huey Lewis? As in Huey Lewis and the News? I fucking love them. Especially as featured in one of the best movies of all time: Back to the Future.

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  61. Gwen, you are totally in the squad.

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  62. I just want to know if being part of the squad includes that DJC guy Betsey posted about today. It caused me to have a minor spiritual awakening and eat another pumpkin muffin. Hollah!

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  63. MG - You just never know if it's going to be DJC or LLCJ.

    I mean, DJ Christ can tear it up when spins the wheels, right? He brings the wax up in the house.

    But LL Cool Jesus has the sweet MC skills and every once in awhile he busts out his awesome b-boy moves.

    Either way? Parties in the Monster Squad tree house are going to SWEET.

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  64. Rassles - The blog idea is freaking genius.

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  65. I like this blog. It's clean and tidy and I like the guys writing style.

    I've not had a chance to read as much as I'd like but I'm warmed by the reviewer saying that not every post is winner. I like the idea of there being great posts mingled with the average.

    It rewards the patient, repeat reader and reminds you that he's an average guy not a professional writer.

    I also like how his blogroll doesn't stretch for miles (never understood how people can commit to saying they read that many blogs) and includes IMDB and Passive Aggressive Notes.

    Anyone who appreciates them two can't be bad in my book.

    I'll add him to my favourites and check back when I've time for more thorough read.

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  66. Hey MM -- Thinking about your suggestion, of having a best of type section. But I have like 500+ articles, of which I would say maybe half are the wheat and half are complete crap.

    So, would you say I should select the top 10%? That's still fifty. And although I am a top notch narcissist and I love me some me, even *I* would gag at 50 Best Of selections.

    Thoughts?

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  67. Why don't you start with the top 10? Not 10%, ten.

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  68. It's a good number. Easy to digest.

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  69. It's round and square at the same time. Think about it. By the way, I just keep discovering how much I love your blog, Pos.

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Grow a pair.