Friday, April 03, 2009

Friendly Fire

It's our favorite dumpster diver Ghost of Keywork with another review.

Your blog, miltrucker, is lacking.

I did my four years on active duty, quit your bitching. The Motherfucking National Guard? Fuck, don't get me started. I would thank you for your service, but I can't get over all of your whining. Dude, I'm sorry you have to leave loved ones. I'm sorry you have to go play soldier every now and then. I did my time in the Marine Corps, and I was stuck with a few guys that whined a lot. Guess what? They had a fucking reason to. They served in a full time capacity. I'm glad you have a decent job in the civilian world. I'm happy you didn't have to live permanently on one of our fine military installations, on-call all the fucking time. Tampon. Ok, done. On to your blog.

This, friend, is not a blog. You have a journal, wolfman. You write for people that know you personally. Nothing wrong with that. But put a fucking lock on it, churchboy. I have to assume, from your content, that you thought we would be handing out medals to any uniformed personnel that graced us with a peek at military life. No dice, man. Not when you go on and on about where you are training, what you are training for, jesusbitchfuckyourplatoonleader. Opsec. Remember that shit, soldier? Lock it up, nasty. Make your blog private if you insist on flagging your fellow Guardsmen/women. Save it until your contract is up. Again, let me get back to your journal.

Blogs are typically written to entertain, engage, capture an audience. You have an audience of two, from what I can tell. I didn't find more than five comments on any of your posts, and I dug. Please, please, please, keep this shit to yourself in your green book. How do I know about your green book? Because I have a few of my own, soldier. I kept a journal while I was deployed. I'm not linking any of your posts because I don't really believe that you ever intended to reach out to new readers. Save those green books. Then I suggest you take a creative writing course or five and find your voice before you start dumping your rat-fucked posts all over the blogosphere. Take some time, some pride in your work. Nothing wrong with editing.

When you do find your voice, lose that fucking template. I know you love wolves. I get it. But when I look at your blog, well, the wolf fucks it all up. Try something like black type on a white background. Make it user friendly, this isn't another Myspace page. This blog should be for you, by you. I felt like you didn't really let me know who you really are. I bet you're a stand-up guy, really, you seem to be a good father, you have a great support group, talk to me. Stop this charade. Dig a little deeper, I think you have some great shit stuck in that brain housing unit of yours. Stop focusing on the meaningless shit: location, this-then-that, I don't give a shit about your schedule and neither will anyone else. Start painting us a picture. Sights, sounds, tastes, smells, appeal to our senses. I could write six pages about a two hour machine gun range. You are not the only mil-blogger out there. If you really want to effect the masses, give them something new. The public can get on the internet, and in fifteen minutes, tell you more about weapons systems than you ever could. Put your brush on it soldier.

I'm taking it easy on you, because the world needs more of our story. Yes, I said 'our'. You and I, well, we have experienced things that most never will. You hit on some of that, good on ya. Now get to the rest of it. You owe it to those that can't, won't, or don't have the opportunity to serve their country.

Yeah. I'm not done with you, soldier. I just built you up a bit, now I'm gonna break you down again. If you're going to whine, do your brothers a favor and whine to them, or yourself. You signed that fucking contract. How fucking dare you cry on the internet about scheduling conflicts, soldier? You are a tampon, and when you are being used, you need to understand the great opportunity you are being given. I know a lot of people that would die to get that chance. Guess what? They have physical or mental disabilities that prevent them from doing so. I know guys that sat in Med Hold for nearly a year, trying to heal just to make it through boot camp. I don't know what the general attitude is in the Army, but I sincerely hope that you don't represent the majority. When you get home, take a shower, bitch to your girlfriend. Why? Because it looks bad on the rest of your Army coworkers. Really, don't cheapen the bonds you have formed. Look, I'm a Marine, your moaning doesn't effect my image. But think about those goddamned eighteen year old kids, ready to serve and die, before you whine about getting 'bruised up' a week before a PFT. Suck it up.

For your blog, you're getting an Abercrombie Moose.








I don't get to judge you on a personal level, so I won't. Lucky you.

45 comments:

  1. I really dislike it when people whine about something they signed up for. How annoying. I like all the tampon references :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lucky, lucky him. He got off easy.

    You know, good for you GoK. Sometimes we (you know, the collective 'we') bitch about serving active duty, the tours suck, the pay isn't all that great... But for God's sake, if all you are doing is Guard, then shut the fuck up! Like you said, he signed the contract, and there are many people out there who wish they could serve but can't.

    I bet he doesn't bitch when he doesn't pay taxes, or get's his per diem in. Right.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Were you driving to Missouri when you wrote this review?

    I'm thinking it was the state of Kansas that made you so angry.

    Did you see Ft. Riley.

    That place always made me angry when I lived there.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ?

    That's the question mark I failed to insert at the end of my question.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fucking tampons. He got off real easy. Had I been driving through Kansas, he wouldn't have been so lucky. I fucking hate Kansas too, Tits.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The only good thing about Ft Riley is it's close proximity to the Booms family.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The worst part about driving to Colorado is the entire state of Kansas.

    The whole thing.

    Hey!

    This blog is like Kansas.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes! Because Kansas=Shit.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Um, Kansas has good basketball. This blog didn't have good anything.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hadn't driven my jeep in a few weeks and apparently a bird took up residence in the spare tire with baby birds and everything.

    I just thought since this blog sucked ass I'd share a personal story to warm up your day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "You have an audience of two, from what I can tell. I didn't find more than five comments on any of your posts, and I dug."

    Without starting a flame war, what relevance is that? I'm not saying this blog is any good but is their visible popularity directly related to their quality?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Without starting a flame war...

    I hate the term "flame war".

    ReplyDelete
  13. Tits, I do too.

    Payne: Nowhere in my review did I state that his small audience was related to his content. I was trying to further illustrate my point that this is a journal, written for his friends and family, not a blog, written for the public.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Apologies. I had typed 'war' but with the military tone of the review thought I'd soften with a 'flame' in front. Perhaps I should have put 'of words' after.

    Fair enough, though it seems to me a thin line between chronicling your daily life in a blog with that of writing an online journal.

    What is the specification of a blog?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Is Kansas worse than Nebraska? I haven't been through Kansas. Nebraska is awful.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Payne, I'm bored today. But I'm not bored enough to carry on a neverending argument over what is or isn't a blog. My review, and to me, a blog is more than just a journal. A journal is written in short, to the few people that know how you speak. A blog should speak to readers so they actually give a shit about your day to day. I think every reviewer here has explained this before, and yet here we are again.

    ReplyDelete
  17. It's a very thick line, Payne, very thick.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I really expected more hate on the 'wolfman' background.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Who wants a never ending argument, I've got to leave in half an hour.

    You provided a succinct answer, that's all I needed.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Man, that's not even a background - it's a broken screwdriver plunged in between the ribs of a day-glo-linky-text corpse.

    Bitching, in any walk of life, wins you very little support. I could be a limbless-torso pecking at the keyboard with my chin, but as soon as I wrote that second post about it, everyone would stop reading.

    "Yeah, I get it - you're a torso with a head. That sucks. What else is going on?"

    ReplyDelete
  21. I would interested, if you were a torso with a head that said "graagh".

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yeah, I think even I would be interested, NJ. It's like a Meat Pillow!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I totally agree about the whining.

    You don't see me bitching about my 4 years and 7 months of service in the military. The full *year* I had to put up with Monterey California or the *three years* on the island of Oahu, playing golf and hanging out in Waikiki. All those years I was in base housing and didn't have to pay rent or utilities. Having to pay just $20 out of pocket when two out of three of my kids were born. All that professional training I received for free, courtesy of the taxpayers of the US of A.

    If it wasn't for basic training and that six months in San Angelo Texas, I think I would have gone insane.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh yeah, and that white text over that fucking wolf background... Can't read the text!

    Or at least made me really really not want to. Too much work.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Key, I loved the suggestion to go away, think on stuff and then come back and write about it. Get some perspective.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Thanks, FF.

    Pol: I really wanted to thrash him somethin fierce, but given my last review, I thought I would make an effort to show my less hideous side.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thanks, Sarah, long time no see.

    ReplyDelete
  28. No one who values his words (and his readers) would ever have that illegible scroll over the wolf. I've spent what seems like half my life fighting with art directors over type size, typeface and distracting graphics. Writers want their words to be easily read. It's too easy to click away.

    ReplyDelete
  29. oh, I've been here. Just hiding in the bushes thats all. Sometimes I like to be the creepy stalker.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I likes me some stalkers. Ain't that right, gap?

    ReplyDelete
  31. I work with a lot of former military folks. I love the passion people like you, GoK, carry in your hearts for serving this country.

    Thanks for your service.
    IB

    PS love the review

    ReplyDelete
  32. Stalkers are fun. I like stalkers.

    Ps...I just thought I should say that SOMETIMES its ok to whine about something you've signed up for. Like I signed myself up to get waxed, and that shit hurt! I figure its ok to whine in that case. Even though I signed up for it, I was still having hair ripped off my body with very hot wax. Not fun.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  34. Thanks for the advice. I mean that.
    I posted your review on my lame blog, just as reference and for my personal motivation.:-)
    I'm sure you don't care, but I disagree on a few points (outlined on my blog/Journal)

    ReplyDelete
  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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