Thursday, April 02, 2009

Where's Our Pigeon Camera

Miss Missives has had a very long week flogging perfect and not so perfect strangers for a hefty fee. After all the flagellation and degradation, I found the thought of doing a blog review positively exhausting. The hours spent poring over what would no doubt be a double Meh or angry shaking hand of flaming fingers. Then I got this week's victim and I was elated, beyond elated, I was jubilant. Miss Missives, is it because your eyes feasted upon a blog worthy of praise heaping, you ask? Is it because you've discovered a small gem amidst the detritus? Or is it because your victim has a sum total of twelve posts and they are all, get ready for the kicker here, photos. Ding, ding, ding, bingo!

My Perception of Mother Nature is, judging from the comments and the most recent title, the blog of an Indian person. Beyond that, we know nothing about the person behind the lens. Which is of little consequence really because if this is his opus then it's better that he packed up and went home. Yes, there are a few that don't make my eyes bleed with boredom but given the advances of digital photography and Photoshop, even my languid feline friend can take a pretty decent picture even in the absence of opposable thumbs.

My Perception of Mother Nature is a mess. Boring title, boring nondescript template which wouldn't be so bad on a photo site were it not for the total lack of anything else. There's no information about the picture taker. Perhaps Glen wanted to highlight each(of the twelve) photos, but having one photo per page is overkill, far too much clicking for the measly twelve picture payoff.

I'm not a photo blog aficionado but even I can offer up some suggestions for the Clicky McClickersons who want to wow the world with their "viewpoint".

1. Don't title your blog "My Perception of Mother Nature," this is about as exciting as something titled,"What My Grandma Eats for Lunch on Tuesdays." In fact, that title is far superior.

2. Just because you are snapping photos rather than writing doesn't mean it isn't personal. Tell the viewer a little about you. Give us a frame of reference. Why exactly should we be interested in your viewpoint?

3. Do not litter your photographs with do not copy watermarks and wallpaper. It's distracting and I seriously doubt people are getting in line to steal your picture of carrots.

4. Speaking of carrots, title your pictures carefully. "LOOK AT THE CARROTS!!!" Really? No really? Seriously, look at the fucking carrots? By the way, only twelve year old girls use multiple exclamation marks.

5. Create a 'Best of" to showcase your favorite work. This is really advice for the photobloggers that exceed twelve pictures.

6. Give a little intel on the pictures. I don't need a soliloquy but set it up for us.

7. Post regularly. The people I know who really like to take pictures could post daily without ever running out of good material. You don't have to be that prolific but post a bare minimum of at least once per week.

8. Labels, labels, labels. Again, this is especially helpful if you have more than twelve posts.

The good news is this is the first ever review that not only have I looked at every post on the blog, I have linked every single post. That should be worthy of some kind of award. So for brevity, you get this:












For the rest, you get this:








52 comments:

  1. This didn't make me happy. Did it make u happy? Did it try to make u happy?

    Great rating for this one. I cracked up big time.

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  2. So I looked at the fucking carrots.

    Now what?

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  3. Hey, can't win 'em all, eh?

    Looks like shortbus week is almost over.

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  4. I'm sort of annoyed that someone like this even submitted their blog for review. Why waste everyone's time? There's not enough there to actually mock. There's nothing to praise. What's the point?

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  5. See the carrots, be the carrots.

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  6. And also, I hate when people write "u" instead of "you", which is what this "blogger" did on the top of her page. Does it really take that much longer to type two extra letters?

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  7. I think that spider is emo, no?

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  8. Right. Be carrots.

    I'm on it.

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  9. Maybe we should mock the whole of India again. Well, except Crowley. Remember Rassles rules.

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  10. Maybe we should. I promise I won't be nice this time. I tried to be nice last time we did that and I still haven't forgiven myself. Maybe that "Million Different People" person will come back and get all fired up again. That would be fun.

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  11. Are we picking on Indian Elephants today?

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  12. Good review, excellent Vishnu badge, but mostly,

    YAY for the Hip reference in the title!!!

    I'm gonna bust out Fully Completely, party like it's 1993, and confuse the living fuck out of my kids. See ya!

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  13. ഒരു നാളും അവസാനിക്കാത്ത ജീവിത യാത്രകള്‍.... ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ ഉണര്‍ത്തുന്ന ചിത്രം....

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  14. I'm way too busy entertaining yesterday's elephant.

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  15. Can one bake biscotti using carrots?

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  16. Ginny, I knew you Canadians would catch that one.

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  17. Yup, that's Telugu aight. Brings back fond memories of lawschool (which was located in Telugu heartland, Hyderabad)..sniff.

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  18. OH MY FUCKING GOD LOOK AT THOSE CARROTS!!!!!!!!

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  19. I know... The carrots just send tingles down my spine.

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  20. They're so orange, and...bunchy.

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  21. Seriously, how am I supposed to just go on living when I know there are bushels of carrots like that out in the world?

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  22. Can you even call it living after you've been graced with the glory that is THE CARROTS!!!?

    I don't fucking think so.

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  23. I'm adding those carrots to The List of Awesome RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.

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  24. Honestly? We've been really fucking remiss in not having those fuckers on the Awesome List before this moment.

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  25. Could you imagine what kind of kick ass baby carrots those noble vegetables could spawn?

    I just want to slice them up and store them in vinegar.

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  26. Would you use the crinkle slice or just a straight cut.

    Quick - our whole friendship hinges on the answer.

    I just have to know how you'd treat the fucking awesomeness of those carrots!!!

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  27. ? There was supposed to be a question mark in there.

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  28. Whoa, whoa, whoa...

    hold on there.

    Crinkle cuts are for fresh carrots, possibly cooked carrots.

    If I'm gonna pickle some carrots, they'll be smooth, like Nutjobbers shiny head.

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  29. Nutjobber carrots. Got it.

    Whew, we can continue.

    Goddamn, that was fucking close!

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  30. Ideally, though? Fresh carrots should just be eaten as fucking is, like Clark Gable does in It Happened One Night.

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  31. Speaking of carrots, how about that emo spider? Whew. Someone has been watching a lot of Batman.

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  32. The spider has to be emo.

    The carrots were so fucking agro.

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  33. Is it wrong that I want to make sweet, sweet love with those carrots? If so, then I don't want to be right.

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  34. Tits: It's like thirty orange middle fingers, isn't it?

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  35. Definitely. So angry those carrots are.

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  36. Emo Spider is Emo. Also, bright and colorful.

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  37. How in the name of Zeus' butthole does this qualify for a blog?

    I know mine is a website but at least I make a pretense with the journal section.

    This is just an online gallery where you can't even see how many pics you would need to go through before the end.

    Each to their own, and the pics aren't bad, but as someone else said why submit it for review, when there is nothing really to review.

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  38. I am obsessed with the picture she took down. What was it? Why did she take it down? I'm going to lose sleep about that missing picture. The "Do Not Copy" things detract from the photos and make me think this person is pretentious. And she only has 12 pictures. Is it wrong for me to want to know when she submitted her blog for review? Because if she submitted it 3 months ago like I did mine, she had even fewer pictures up then.

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  39. Well through serious detective work (reading the caption over the missing picture) I've concluded that the missing picture was of a butterfly.

    What does she have against emo spiders? How dare she call one a freak! I'm offended for emo spiders everywhere.

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  40. "Ninte cheviyum koodi focusil vannirunnengil kollamaayirunnu!!!"

    Assuming that's complimentary, I pass that indecipherable kudos (or judos) to you, Ms. Ives.

    Cut & paste makes lick 'em stick 'em look like Crisco.

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  41. Ya don't suppose this whole "mock India - fuck India" routine is getting old?

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  42. Uh, it's about as worn out as the mock America - fuck Americans mantra spreading worldwide, Thanatos.

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  43. you need to adjust the button "for the love of Vishnu, knock it off!!!!!"

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  44. Here I am, a day late and a dollar short once again to this blog of carroty goodness.
    And on an India day!!!!!!!!!
    When I could have given my little 'I Have A Vegetable-y Dream' speech about respecting all cultures. And veggies.
    This time I was going to sing a little song about unity while strumming my special guitar that includes strings made of carrot gut.
    Thantos would have loved me again. Crowley would have said something that made me want to work him out in our equine training pen.
    But now I'm just sitting here eating a pumpkin muffin and realizing I could never do that now. Never.
    Because pumpkins are clearly the superior orange edible.
    Alas, it appears I will only finish my pumpkin muffin, smash my carrot string guitar as if reliving my days of slam dancing from the late 70's, and then go look at horse vagine.
    I love U!!!!! I love U all!!!!!

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  45. P.S. Gwen - I cannot get onto your blog. Is something up over there, or did someone shoved a sharpened carrot into my brain stem and I just don't know it.

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  46. MG - Pumpkins are superior to carrots. They make for better muffins. (My blog is up and running. I'm not sure why you can't access it. Do you get some kind of error message or does it just not load?)

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  47. Please. Anyone who is anyone cuts their carrots into julienne fries.

    BB: See the carrot. Be the carrot. You ARE the carrot.

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  48. Mongo girl: speaking of getting carrots shoved into your brain stem...have you been watching Shoot 'Em Up lately?

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  49. Mr. Crowley - 'Fraid not cowboy. A few more turns around the training pen for you so you'll know better.

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Grow a pair.