Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I can never resist a martyr

Reluctant Housewife writes this:

Wow. Mean review. Really. You encourage people to submit their blogs and then flay this poor woman for having the presumption to submit a mommy blog. How DARE she? I read your FAQ. You claim to want to provide constructive criticism to bloggers in order to improve the quality of the blogosphere. Where is the constructive in this review? This is a good old fashioned super smack down, not just to this blogger but to all mom bloggers. Whatever.

I can see from looking around, though, that mean, not constructive, criticism is sort of your shtick. So carry on, then.

Unfortunately for me, with this review, mean is only funny when not directed so personally. Oh, and just for the record (in case you haven't already cottoned on): I'm a mom who has a blog but, despite this obvious character flaw, I do not consider myself a waste of oxygen.

Okay slay me with your words for commenting. You know you want to.

About this.

And, Scrappy Doo writes this:
i'm sorry you aren't able to be a SAHM mum and spend more time with your kids - blogging or not. you know i'm mad keen to go visit this mommy blogger and say something nice to her now!

familiar with the concept?

About the same review.

Coincidentally, they are both non-American mommybloggers. Or, maybe it is no coincidence, at all. Perhaps, they are the dogs of war unleashed by the whines of a thin-skinned mommy who wasn't adored as she thought she should be.

Either way, enjoy.

Oh, and if you're REALLY bored, here's more.

Don't say I never give you anything, Colon King.

256 comments:

  1. Yes, well, I had an exchange with Reluctant Gash and I think I stopped the bleeding. This other moron, however, I will be sending her a 'Please Fuck Yourself Cactus'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This was easily the most pathetic Angry Mob attack that we've had around here. No pitchforks, no torches, nothing. Fucking amateurs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, wait, there's more:
    http://adventuresofthereluctanthousewife.blogspot.com/2009/04/my-blog-is-boring.html

    ReplyDelete
  4. Now you're giving out traffic to your haters?

    Sigh. Maybe I should whine about you too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't think any of us operates upon the principle that blogging is about traffic, Sci Fi dad. It's about WRITING. Human interest. Entertaining ourselves at work when things are dull. Important stuff like that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. For the record, I could give a shit how much traffic this blog generates on a daily/weekly basis. We do this for shits and giggles, because we enjoy it. Anyone who thinks they are doing it for any other reason is an idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. For the record, I was being sarcastic.

    Back to my little hole now.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Here's my favorite thing in relation to this.

    Hey LB, remember when I was a mom blogger and then you reviewed me and then you also gave me constructive criticism and THEN? THEN...

    My blog got better?

    Yeah, that was awesome.

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  9. NOOOOO!!! Don't cry, Sci Fi Dad! Don't cry! come back and play. I promise I won't bite so hard the next time!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Booms, your blog was pretty fucking good to begin with in comparison to these people. So, really, you had a lot to work with. But yeah, you are totally rocking things these days.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sadly, sarcasm is difficult to convey over flat text.

    However, your patronizing tone isn't.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I wasn't being patronizing!!! I was being ironic!

    Dammit.

    If this reluctant housewife thinks the review of Neglictimommy was rough, remember LoveyH's review?

    She got better, too. But then, she had some stones to start with.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yeah, I liked that one.

    I was linked in it and that got me a lot of traffic.

    You know.

    (SARCASM - just to be clear)

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is me being condescending and sarcastic.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I was being sarcastic and partially ironic, but also sort of serious. It baffles me that people do this for traffic, as if soul-baring has more value if more people see you naked.

    I hope that Sci Fi doesn't really think I was patronizing him, because his comment kinda threw me. I totally don't get that whole traffic mentality thing.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I feel surprisingly sad for patronizing Sci Fi and not grasping his sarcasm.

    :(

    ReplyDelete
  17. My mistake was believing that there was an understanding that every comment here was sarcasm.

    Now I have to go cry because everyone is picking on me.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I can't speak for Sci Fi Dad. Maybe he just cares about his traffic.

    Maybe now he feels bad about that.

    It's okay. We can all get along anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, Sci Fi, I'm not picking on you. Right now.

    ReplyDelete
  20. See? AAYSR has a heart.

    Just one, that we all share, but it's a fucking awesome heart, damn it.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sci fi is being sarcastic, I think.

    ReplyDelete
  22. But I frequently miss sarcasm, so who knows?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Also, we hate parents here, so fuck you, sci fi dad.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yes, we are the League of Foul Mouthed Parent Haters.

    Cannibalistic bunch we are, what with most of us being PARENTS ourselves. Odd.

    ReplyDelete
  25. And now I'd like to do my impression of Reluctant Housewife Enthusiastic Victim,

    (wait while I get into character,)

    "These people are mean to mommybloggers, really mean.

    Whatever.

    I don't care what they think but do you like me fellow mommybloggers? Am I doing it right? Should I use the f-word more? Talk about silly stuff like politics? No, I didn't think so either.

    They say submit at your own risk but really, they want us to so they can hate on sahm. They say we have ever expanding asses which is an outright falsehood because my ass has always been this size. But that is obviously a character flaw and I'll just go sip my mocha in the corner while I cry a little(sigh). Okay, so slay me with your compliments, tell me I am salient, I am relevant, before I do something rash like open up another Dove Bar and turn on Oprah."

    Thank you, thank you very much.

    Miss Missives bows. End Scene.

    ReplyDelete
  26. OK...

    [/sarcasm] (that is sarcasm OFF for those of you unfamiliar with HTML because you only use the visual and not html editor in your blog, meaning I am being serious for a brief moment)

    1. The traffic comment? A JOKE. A joke rooted in the fact that many mommybloggers run ads and believe that their blogs will become a profitable source of income (in other words, justification: "I'm not wasting time blogging, I'm making money, and that's why I have to remain a SAHM instead of going back to work")

    2. 99.9% of what I write in the comments is sarcastic, tongue in cheek (in cheek people, stop putting my tongue in other orifices thankyouverymuch). I take all the comments in stride. I only responded to LB because I was trying to be polite.

    @LoveBites: I actually remember and appreciate the fact that you commented at my place once. Thanks for that.

    [sarcasm] (as in, resume your normal antics)

    ReplyDelete
  27. /sarcasm

    I love you, Sci Fi dad.

    sarcasm

    BUT I LIKE YOUR OTHER ORIFICES!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm throwing roses in Miss Missives general direction.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Miss Missives,

    You are THE BEST.

    ReplyDelete
  30. And I'll be throwing roses in her genital direction.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Shouldn't we add the rule around here, somewhere, that you can't throw a big baby fit until you've been here for like a year or something.

    Ahem, I mean, not that I WOULD EVER throw a baby fit about sarcasm or anything like that.

    Shit.

    I just choked.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Is there a difference between a baby fit and a hissy fit, because I was going for hissy fit, and I'd hate to be misunderstood.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Also, I don't think it was a hissy fit or baby fit or low-rider fit thing so much as you all not getting my sarcasm.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I hate passive agressive. If you're going to pick a fight, at least be agressive-agressive.

    In the words of the great Dolly Parton playing Shirlee Kenyon in the film Straight Talk(also starring James Woods)

    "Get off the cross sweatheart, someone needs the wood."

    Maybe in addition to it being the year of Teen Wolf it should be the year of Dolly Parton,no?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Though it would be helpful if I knew how to spell aggressive.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I wasn't picking on anyone but myself.

    Just so we're all clear.

    ReplyDelete
  37. And while I was picking on myself... as I do most of the time.

    Ending a passive-aggressive condemnation with this:

    "Maybe in addition to it being the year of Teen Wolf it should be the year of Dolly Parton,no?"

    Fucking rocks.

    And I'm quite clear on the feeling intended.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I just can't stop beating the horse, even if it is dead.

    Just to be clear.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Glad that didn't go unnoticed Betsey. You da booms.

    ReplyDelete
  40. What, I can't throw flowers at your genitals?

    ReplyDelete
  41. 1. Okay. Dolly Parton? On the list. Got it.

    2. Seriously, Mommybloggers give Mommybloggers a bad name. There are so many good ones. Like, the ones that I read. What kind of dumbass assumptions is she making?

    Who gives a shit if you talk about pop culture and politics?

    My point is this: Your children are only interesting IF YOU MAKE THEM INTERESTING. Your daily life, the mundane details? Some people write about them with mind-blowing accuracy and grip.

    That's all that matters in anyone's writing, Mommy or otherwise.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Rassles - I agree. A bad review on a mommy blogger doesn't equate to an attack on the oh so holy institution of motherhood.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Oh, Rass, you really need to go over there and see the stupid shit she put up.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Every year is the year of Dolly.

    And nards.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Like it on not mommy blogs make up a high percentage of the blogsphere, if they ban together they could detroy us all.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Well, she's entitled to made silly judgments and illogical assumptions based upon one review, by a reviewer who read many entries in a blog that was boring.

    Why do people confuse bad writing with being a boring person?

    Bad writing doesn't mean you're boring. It means you shouldn't be writing, or you should try to be better.

    Geeze, man.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Oh, and it means YOU ARE BORING.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Ah man, I tried to be nice.

    But my husband just sent me an email that said "I'm picking up your meds today!"

    So I probably failed and am more than likely being a huge bitch. Only I don't know it, because in my head, I'm really rational right now.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Franco:

    If they banded together, they'd probably increase our traffic ALOT.

    ReplyDelete
  50. [/lurk]

    Seriously? Did she just complain that a blog called "I will fucking tear you apart" was *gasp* mean?! What a shock.

    That said ... Beware the wrath of the mommybloggers, dude. Just ask Motrin.

    [lurk]

    ReplyDelete
  51. It's the kitty bloggers I fear.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Teh intrawebs. Where there's dino on car porn. Where taking anyone seriously for over 5 minutes should be a felony. Spiff anyone?

    ReplyDelete
  53. I kind of wish they would band together. Light some fires.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Exactly Cal. I can handle the moms...but the Kittybloggers? I already have to deal with the roommate's cats.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Just great. Now you'll have Gap all over your ass.

    ReplyDelete
  56. p.s. Keywork was the best mob, ever.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Except Gap, really. She's entirely endeared herself to me by being completely unashamed and proud of her cats. It's quite admirable, her devotion.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Oh, there's LB, beating me to it.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I like to think I'm STILL the best mob ever.

    ReplyDelete
  60. You are, but you abuse colons far too often for my grammatical comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Yes, my widespread colon abuse is sure to make most uncomfortable in some manner.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I don't get it. These people VOLUNTARILY submit their blogs for review, then whine and bitch about it. Sheesh. I've submitted a blog in the past, got tore up and here I am still reading ya'll, and still a fan. People need to lighten up.

    ReplyDelete
  63. I gotta say, hate the people who work their kids into every conversation IRL.

    Thanatos : Yeah, Cliff Burton was bad ass
    New Parent : I know, right? That's exactly waht I told my 5 year old when 12 year old chimed in blah blah yada yada.

    ReplyDelete
  64. I'm enjoying watching Gash try to make nice. A little bit.

    ReplyDelete
  65. I think that we are all rather annoyed, some less verbally than others, when people lose themselves in lieu of becoming a parent. I think that is an unhealthy thing, frankly. And, insofar as blogging gives women an outlet that helps them keep their sanity, great. But, when said blog consists of nothing more than picking apart the navel lint of your adorable offspring, GET A FUCKING LIFE.

    ReplyDelete
  66. You know what's funny to me? Some of our harshest critics eventually turn out to be our biggest fans.

    *cough*keywork*cough*

    ReplyDelete
  67. Holy crap. You linked to me. And highlighted my comment.

    Thanks!


    Apparently my evil plan for world domination is working. Bwah hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  68. LB: Sometimes they even end up doing reviews.

    Lady Sarcasm: I think I speak solely for myself when I say that I would like nothing more than to hump your leg. With my fiancee watching, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Or, we're enjoying the schadenfreude of it all. Either way, rejoice! You're getting the all-important TRAFFIC!

    ReplyDelete
  70. I remember the sistahs! :)

    ReplyDelete
  71. Miss Missives - great impression. Not enough sad hand wringing, though. Wornk on that.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Nah, more hand-wringing would have been totally over the top. This is the line where she really nailed it:

    Okay, so slay me with your compliments, tell me I am salient, I am relevant, before I do something rash like open up another Dove Bar and turn on Oprah."

    ReplyDelete
  73. LB: That's the line that had me tossing flora at MM's lady bits.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I'm going to put up a fresh spine on eBay. Takers?

    ReplyDelete
  75. Oprah? Oh please.

    At least let me be watching something with some entertainment value.

    ReplyDelete
  76. How can you NOT find Oprah entertaining?! I mean she gains and loses 300lbs between each show. Thats crazy.

    And Ghost, where can I find a 'Please Fuck Yourself Cactus'?

    ReplyDelete
  77. Sarah: Firmly planted in your ass if you behave like either of the 'mommies' mentioned above.

    ReplyDelete
  78. You know, seriously, Scrappy Doo ruined that show.

    ReplyDelete
  79. You were so craving this thread, weren't you?

    ReplyDelete
  80. Like you couldn't believe. I haven't even started being offensive yet. Thank you, LB.

    ReplyDelete
  81. You know, some people might consider bleeding axe wound and gash to be offensive, but not us. We know they are just the warm up for when you get TRULY offensive, and the gloves come off.

    ReplyDelete
  82. It's just a bonus when they get all huffy during warm-ups. Makes me all warm and fuzzy.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Oooh sounds kinky.

    And no, not fucking ever.

    ReplyDelete
  84. I'm all kink and hardware, Sarah.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Whats wrong with Axe wound and Gash? Really?

    Gives me the giggles. So does talk of ass ramming though so who knows...maybe I just have issues.

    ReplyDelete
  86. You've so found your home on the interwebs amongst your own kind, Sarah.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Can I squeeee? Or is that frowned upon here?

    Oh fuck it.

    Squeeee!

    ReplyDelete
  88. You can squee, if you must, but the rest of us will look down on you from our positions of lofty hipsterishness and smirk with disdain.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Because that's how we roll.

    ReplyDelete
  90. I dont mind being looked down upon. For two reasons, 1.)I'm really fucking short so it happens a lot. And 2.) I spend a considerable amount of time on me knees so...again, I'm used to it.

    ReplyDelete
  91. LB- You totally ruined our hipsterishness with the "that's how we roll".

    Hipsters only roll joints when no one is looking.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Real Hipsters don't flex nuts cuz they know that they got em.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Damn, it feels good to be a hipster.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Oh, and Sarah dear, DPH and I will allow you a visitor's pass to our Enchanted Kingdom once we get it all set up.

    ReplyDelete
  95. It doesn't feel good for me to be a hipster. It kind of pinches, really. Must be the skinny jeans.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Rass: That was totally meant for you. Thanks for catching it.

    ReplyDelete
  97. You know, hipsters think smoking pot is totally college. I mean, they used to smoke pot all the time, but then they grew bored of it.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Yeah, and Hipsters don't wear 'skinny' jeans, they wear 'messenger' pants.

    ReplyDelete
  99. I'm way too chubby to be a hipster. Mostly because of what Cal just said.

    Oh and when I see hipster hair I have a tendency to call them a douche.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Right, Rass, that's why I said when no one is looking.

    They pretend like they don't, but if they don't then they revert back to what they were before pot helped them realize they actually were hip.

    ReplyDelete
  101. And real hipsters drink microbrews, and if you've heard of it, they've got another one that's even better and is their ACTUAL favorite, but you can only totally get it at one small liquor store in Brussels, you can't even get it online.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Real hipsters are vegetarians, and make exceptions only for foie gras.

    ReplyDelete
  103. OMG! So if I smoke pot and drink canned domestic and blog about my kids, you're saying I'm completely fucked, right?

    ReplyDelete
  104. My ass is way to big for skinny jeans. I look like a torpedo in them. Not ok.

    A visitors pass? Really?!

    ReplyDelete
  105. Real hipsters don't blog. They podcast.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Or at least, they'd tried blogging back in 2003, but they didn't like the mental herding aspect of it.

    ReplyDelete
  107. So yeah, Boomer, you're fucked.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Obviously, someone says "hipster," and it strikes me right here.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Sarah, I don't so much look like a torpedo as I just look like a set of denim covered THIGHS heading your way.

    I save looking like torpedoes for my boobs. Which are totally not hipster tits.

    Probably because they like Bud Light.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Well yea, there is the thigh issue for me as well. My mother told me they are athletic thighs. Though I dont think I have done anything outside the bed room that would be considered athletic in years. Basically she called me fat. That bitch.

    And my boobs are way to big to torpedo. I dont think its possible. Not without lots of wire mesh and possibly a few support beams.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Dude, I don't know if you know this, but Bud Light isn't even American anymore. And us hipsters really don't like their advertisting campaign. If you want a real cool brew that isn't being run by corporate junkies, try PBR.

    Then again, now you can get PBR everywhere. It's becoming too mainstream. Not edgy enough. So, really, you should try this local shit that this guy I know brews in the basement of his apartment building with a wood-burning stove and a bunch of trust-fund kids who only wear expensive "vintage" clothing.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Yeah we are.

    Here is the good news though. My brother is a hipster who says he's the furthest thing from a hipster, which in turn makes him Super Hipster.

    He has friends who do things like play the guitar in my parents front yard because they AREN'T hip.

    And when one his friends claims the movie "Garden State" is the best fucking movie ever! My brother gets vehemently angry because, seriously? Only a fucking hipster douche would say that like 6 years ago. Fuck man, be real!

    ReplyDelete
  113. Sarah, consider yourself blessed. We don't throw around visitor passes freely.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Yeah, Garden State is so 2004. But really, it's 2003, because the hipsters all streamed it on their Mac's while the movie was BEING FILMED.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Ghost, you have no idea.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Yeah, so my math worked out on that one, thanks to you, Ross.

    ReplyDelete
  117. You're a genius, Boomer.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Oh and now? The Shins can NEVER be considered hip, ever, because of that movie.

    Or so I've been told.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Actually, true hipsters had a copy of the screenplay in 2000. Because true Hipsters write screenplays.

    ReplyDelete
  120. What's even worse than the hipsters is the wannabe hipsters. I mean, the hipsters are bad enough, and then there's the kids who dress like the hipsters and try to convince me that Nickelback is totally musically superior to Kid Rock, and I'm just like, "Who gives a shit about either one?"

    ReplyDelete
  121. Look, I don't know, I'm going to stick with Huey Lewis on this one.

    You know, with the hip to be square business, even though by the time that song came out, we didn't care anymore until it became cool to care about Huey again.

    ReplyDelete
  122. True hipsters know that Zach Braff totally stole the idea from a guy who lives off of rocks and the juice of flowers he finds in the Utah desert.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Well you know, Nickelback couldn't be them without Creed. Just for the record and all.

    ReplyDelete
  124. You're right, Boomer. You're completely right. But for some people, Huey is only valuable ironically.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Yeah, fuck that Zach Braff guy. I bet he doesn't drive a mini Cooper. And by mini, I mean, the REAL mini that came over from England with the steering wheel on the REAL side you drive on.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Oh, yes: Creed.

    But Huey is far more valuable as a musician and man, not an ironic icon.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Good call on the Mini, but I know this chick who used to drive a 1968 red convertible Volkswagon Rabbit, and now she rides a Vespa she built with parts that she bought in Italy.

    ReplyDelete
  128. The News was a total jock band who then hit home with jocks again more than a decade later when Patrick Bateman murdered to them.

    ReplyDelete
  129. My brother totally wrecked his hipster friends Vespa in a parking lot.

    He should have gone to the emergency room but didn't. You know, with the way the healthcare system totally fucks you.

    And this is where I WISH I was being hip and ironic.

    This is true.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Exactly, Boomer.

    Pop culture isn't too hard to figure out.

    And we totally beat the hipsters to Teen Wolf and Monster Squad. Just you wait.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Oh, and your brother?

    That made my laugh, but only ironically.

    ReplyDelete
  132. My brother only laughs ironically, because if I make him laugh at something that isn't ironic, he gets this look on his face like if he gives into the laugh, he'll shit himself.

    I heard Monster Squad is on DVD at Wal-mart.

    Does true hipness get any better than that?

    Ironically? No.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Hipsters never drink beer out of a can, unless we're talking about Guinness here. But it kind of makes them cough and feel overly full, and it bloats their skinny little hipster bellies. But they like to PRETEND to like it because that's what hipsters do, in between waving their hands around and peering through their thick rimmed glasses and long bangs.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Don't forget about PBR tallboys. But that's only when they can't find what they were really looking for, which you've never heard of.

    ReplyDelete
  135. I think I want to start a brewing company and call it, "You've Never Had This" and market it to hipsters only by offering it only at underground punk shows and outsider art galleries.

    ReplyDelete
  136. Little hipster bellies made me want to rub them and tossle their dirty hair.

    Yeah, you've never had this.

    When in a pinch, you can drink Boddington's too.

    ReplyDelete
  137. We regularly drink with the hipsters at this shee little bar called "fermentation lounge" in my town. And they look down their little hipster noses at my suburban momness and wonder how I ever meandered into their little hidden hipster paradise. And I totally want to sell my house in the suburbs and buy this multilevel townhouse that is uber cool, and expose my children to bums sleeping behind our fence.

    But, with home prices like they are these days, that dream will simply have to wait.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Sometimes, little hipsters are so cute, with their strategically fucky hair, and elaborately choreographed devil-may-care wardrobe.

    ReplyDelete
  139. LB: I live in what used to be "hidden hipster paradise."

    Now everyone else wants to live here too. It's nauseating.

    It makes me feel like a hipster.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Real Hipsters know and refer to Garden State by its original title 'Juicy Flowers and Rocks'.

    ReplyDelete
  141. I'm starting to forget the definition of hipster at this point.

    Wait, am I a hipster.

    Oh, no, not at all.

    I'm just ironic. I'm too chubby, suburban and a BREEDER to be a hipster. Whew.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Hipsters can't be defined. They defy definition.

    ReplyDelete
  143. Oh, plus I drink campground beer.

    Which is not YARD BEER, don't get me wrong.

    Microbrews make me feel like I have a loaf of bread in my stomach the next morning.

    ReplyDelete
  144. Whatever, I'm totally a hipster.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Can I rub your little belly?

    ReplyDelete
  146. I'll be really honest with you, I have no fucking idea what any of you are talking about. What the hell IS a hipster?

    I just know I cant do skinny jeans. And I get a visitors pass!

    ReplyDelete
  147. Because THATS how I roll.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Can you still qualify as a mommy blogger if you talk about anal and brazilians and post video of your bebe saying fuck?

    ReplyDelete
  149. Cause I'm down witht he dove bars and oprah too but i have to be able to work anal in once in awhile.

    ReplyDelete
  150. I didn't notice any looking down noses at Fermentation. Has it gotten worse? Or am I oblivious? Probably the later.

    ReplyDelete
  151. You know what I hate? Women who introduce themselves as their children's mother.

    Hi, I'm Colin and Mira's mommy.

    Uh, don't you have a fucking name?


    Key, if I introduce myself as anyone's mommy at your wedding, you have my permission to sodomize me on the spot.

    See, working sodomy in again, because that's how I roll.

    By the way I miss the hooker since they took away her internet.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Sarah - It's okay, because someone once told me that when they read the stupid shit Rassles and I write to each other they feel like a stalker who isn't in on the joke.

    It's because we're secret hipsters. Mid-West Fucking Hipsters.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Ok, but what the shit IS a hipster? Please dont make me google it. I hate googling stupid shit.

    ReplyDelete
  154. I long for the days when wine coolers were cool and side ponies and popped collars were de rigeur and un-ironic.

    Wait. No I don't. Wine coolers give me a wicked headache.

    ReplyDelete
  155. FF: I miss her too. As far as the sodomy, you can just tell people the groom is your Daddy.

    ReplyDelete
  156. FF - that's why when I go to pick up my son and the other kid's yell "Ian's mommy is here", I go around the room and kick each one of the little shit head's in the face.

    And then I yell, "I have a fucking name!"

    ReplyDelete
  157. Here, google some nasty shit: scat.

    ReplyDelete
  158. FF- Didnt you know you lose all identity when you get married or have kids.

    (I hope there was a detectable amount of sarcasm in that)

    ReplyDelete
  159. But Calamity! The Bartles and Jaymes commercials were righteous!

    ReplyDelete
  160. Sarah: at least you don't lose interest in anal.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Wine coolers have done way more for my sex life than any pick-up line ever has.

    ReplyDelete
  162. I find it to be the best last minute birthday gift, well, for my husband that is. Cheap and easy to wrap.

    ReplyDelete
  163. Sarah - Here you go...

    Wiki, wiki, wiki.

    Hipster is a slang term which appeared in the 1940s. In the 1990s and 2000s it was used to describe young, recently-settled urban middle class adults and older teenagers with interests in non-mainstream fashion and culture, particularly alternative music, independent rock, independent film, magazines like Vice, Clash and Adbusters, and websites like Pitchfork Media.[1] In some contexts, hipsters are also referred to as scenesters.[2] The term is sometimes used in a derogatory manner, referring to someone who moves from trend to trend while claiming to be outside of mainstream culture.


    Oh look, someone did define it. How not hip can you be?

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  164. It's also a gift that is recession compatible.

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  165. Okay, so the hipsters began as this movement of white kids from the suburbs who moved to the city and started hating everything that was too mainstream.

    It's this mindset of self-entitlement, sitting on their clouds of judgment, snubbing anyone who disagrees with them. They care about nothing, really, except being cooler than everyone else by liking things no one has ever heard of.

    Then, when there's something mainstream that they really like, they only like it so they can make fun of it. Ironically.

    Since more and more of these people have been sprouting up, the truest hipsters are shunning the very name "hipster" because now, being a hipster is too mainstream.

    Even the trixies want to be hipsters, and trixies are the worst. When the trixies hop on, you know something is dead.

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  166. Or, you could look at Boomer's wiki entry.

    Dammit.

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  167. Sorry, Rassles.

    You see, I'm not as well written as you. I assume someone always wrote it better than I could, somewhere else.

    And that theory has never failed me yet.

    You should wiki you definition, it's better.

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  168. Well then. I dont think I'm a hipster. Or am I? No, no I dont think so.

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  169. I can only assume that being a hipster must be fucking exhausting.

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  170. No, really, scat. Check it: http://shittingsluts.com/. Thank me later.

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  171. I thank hardcore jesus every day that I am not illustrated there.

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  172. There, being the shitting sluts or the the hipster pic?

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  173. Sarah: idk, take your pick, they are both pretty bad.

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  174. Both, although primarily the scenesters. Shitting sluts at least have some individuality. Ish. I think. I'm not clicking over there, I'm not clicking over there, I'm not clicking over there.

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  175. You clicked over there didnt you?

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  176. Come on, Cal, you feel left out for missing Twatter 2009. Do it. Do it.

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  177. So after I hung out with the Rude Boy and saw Mustard Plug and met Dickie Barrett way too many times...

    I became a raver.

    Wait! Where is the raver kid?

    Oh right, they're all dead or living in the suburbs with turntables in their basement.

    FUCK!

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  178. Oh my god Orgcore Punker is my life.

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  179. HXC tough guy looks just like my ex husband.

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  180. God, I used to love a rave. Well, not so much the rave as the drugs and promiscuity.

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  181. Cal - Welcome to how Mr. Booms and I met.

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  182. I am not now, nor have I have I ever been a hipster. I do, however, posess a set of hips. That have been described as "child-bearing".

    Having said that, what the fuck is campground beer? Am I supposed to be classifying my beverages by the venue in which I plan to drink them?

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  183. I typically drink 'Everywhere' Beer.

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  184. Cal, everything about Fermentation Lounge is urban hipster, including the owners, or at least as close as we come in this part of the south. Now that you're becoming more familiar with the scene, you can start pointing out the local variations while drinking. Es muy bueno!

    (is tres chic to use a foreign language)

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  185. I used to date hXc toughguy. He had the gauged ears, motorcycle, tattoos, and played paintball. We had similar tastes in music but I found him rather prudish in bed (which surprised me).

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  186. you sure he wasn't sxe mosh warrior before? Because that would explain it.

    Best line: "he's from a rare breed of the hardcore fan; very few exist past the age of 21. due to their adolescent abstinence, guys like this often lose all signs of their former "posi" attitude and become raging alcholics."

    So. Fucking. True.

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  187. Er, my question was about the nose-looking-down, not about whether they were hipsters. I'm entirely familiar with who/what they are.

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Grow a pair.