Monday, April 20, 2009

Like a bird on the wire. Or, On Academics and Newspapermen

Choose the title, as it suits you. Chris will understand.

Chris's blog is a quandary.

First, you must understand that Chris is an academic, a father, and a music nerd. Chris approaches topics with a measured, steady pace. He is, above all, a facty kind of guy. With every post, we get a listen from the soundtrack of his life. He writes:
A good song can get me through a tough day.

Most of his posts start and end with a song, using lyrics as titles and culminating with whatever song has inspired that particular post (or complements it). There are frequent picture smatterings of his incredibly photogenic kid.

Those are the good things I love about Chris's blog.

Here is what I hate, in a nutshell:

I don’t know much about global economics. Actually, I don’t know much about much, to be honest. I know a little bit about the genetics of maize and the U.S. Civil War and 20th century Southern literature, but none of those things pay the rent these days.

I’m off track already.

And there's the crux.

Every post gets off-track.

This is a very fact-filled, political blog at present (though, Chris might beg to differ, that's how it reads from the outside). I don't get my politics from blogs, and I don't particularly agree with Chris's politics. Thus, I don't find his discussions of his politics particularly compelling. These are the musings of an academic convinced of his own rightness. And, he meanders and winds about until he finally, finally makes it to Elysium and culminates.

This is sex with too much foreplay, and not enough good hard dicking.

Here's where Chris's academic roots show, and where he could use a good dose of newspaperman. Academia rewards you for writing a thousand words, and punishes you for brevity. Spending time at the post-graduate level appears to lead inevitably to wordy fuckitude.

But the blogosphere, and most other professional writing, doesn't. Most people don't have hours to manipulate and palpate your words inside their heads until they congeal. Last week, Erin of Poor Penmanship, offered the following advice to another blogger, advice that I wholeheartedly agree with:
1. Before you start writing a story, figure out whether the point is to tell readers about yourself or to tell readers about something else. If the point is to tell about yourself (or your family), know that you have to work really hard to write a post that strangers can relate to or at least be interested in. If the point is to tell us about something else, make sure that other thing gets its due. Resist the urge to steer our attention back to your own personality.

2. Don't waste words characterizing the story you're telling: This is so crazy, this is so funny, this is so sad, this is so painful, this is so awesome. This week sucks. This day sucks.

Erin is a professional newspaper writer, and it shows on her blog. Chris, on the other hand, is a professional academic, and that shows, as well.

The blog is good, but it could be better. It could be trimmed down, tightened up. It could, and should, be edited ruthlessly. It could be written in active, and not always passive, tense.

All of these things need to happen for this blog to reach its full potential. Goddamnit, Chris, put your blog on a word diet.

Beyond that, please decide what this blog is going to be: political, carnivorian, "our daily life, chronicled," musical, or stories from my debauched college days.

I don't think the answer is an either/or, but for me, at least, if it is going to be those first two categories, I'm probably not interested. If it's the latter two, then you have my interest piqued.

At present, I don't hate your blog, but I don't love it, either.

My biggest advice is this: You aren't in college, anymore, and we aren't your students. Pare it down. Strip it bare. Be as choosy and stingy with words as Leonard Cohen is. Your blog will be better for it.

For now, I give you two stars. You are a consistent, thoughtful blogger, but you could be a lot more.



Like a bird on the wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried, in my way, to be free*.


*Johnny Cash, because I love his cover of the original tune by Leonard Cohen.

258 comments:

  1. Too many words. I need an aspirin.

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  2. My review, or the blog at hand?

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  3. The blog at hand. I like the review, as it is very straight and to the point. It's like watching an Olympic medallist working at Burger King. The blog at hand, Michael Phelps flipping burgers.

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  4. I read this one daily and enjoy the mix of politics, science, family and stories of his past. Then again, Chris and I have pretty similar thoughts on politics and the world.

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  5. I really want to squeeze his kid.

    In a good way. Not a creepy, some freak on the web wants to squeeze babies, kind of way.

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  6. I love, love, love Chris @ afreeman. I just think he's an all-around great guy and a heck of a writer. And I love his music recommendations. This is one blog where I don't mind his jumping from one focus to another because all of the stuff he writes about is so "him" -- from politics to genetics to REM to trying to be a good dad. I enjoy his voice so much.

    But I will say that when I skim -- and sometimes I do -- it's the science-y stuff I skim. Even though he can make that shit interesting, I'm just not a science person.

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  7. "It could be written in active, and not always passive, tense."

    I love the irony that your criticism of his use of passive voice makes use of the passive voice.

    If that wasn't intentional, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.

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  8. First of all, big, giant, hairy kudos to Love Bites. You make it look easy, when this was probably a wicked hard review to do.

    I like Chris so much. I am on board with his politics, and I dig the science-y bits. So if he wants to ramble, I'll follow.

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  9. So the lesson here, is you can ramble if you have something to say.

    Which explains why I get told to "shut the fuck up, already" all the time.

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  10. Well, I have ADD, and the attention span of a gnat. So, i can't quite follow a rambly blog. It is brutal.

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  11. I wish my office were painted a prettier color. Taupe is so 1994.

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  12. I think they are all taupe and wreak of 1994.

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  13. Wait, reek...

    Shit.

    Fuck you, Monday.

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  14. Monday is SO KICKING MY ASS.

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  15. We have Carl's Junior here. I'm pretty sure the menu is the same, I just miss the name.

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  16. I like the stuff I read. He's really good at what he does. Although I have to take it in small doses as I have a short attention span as well. I always enjoy reading all your reviews. I think everyone here does a good job. Haven't found a review I didn't agree with.

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  17. LB: The troll gallery is after you on Saturday's review.

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  18. Hardee's is a crock of horseshit now. Angus burgers and all that. I want my flat greasy Frisco Burger for $2.39, not a bullshit real burger for $6.

    They lost my business when they tried to go all health-conscious.

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  19. I love the Monster Roast Beef. Lol, I just said that. Seems like everytime I would get stoned and venture out to Hardee's, they were always out of anything I wanted.

    'We're out of roast beef'

    'No Strawberry Shakes'

    'We're out of french fries'

    Seriously? Fucking french fries?

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  20. Once Taco Bell was out of cheese. Fuck that.

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  21. Key: I was just wondering who I was going to digitally dismember today.

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  22. LB: don't say I never gave you anything. Wait. I didn't.

    Rass: Cheese? We're not even in the same muhfuckin ballpark. Taco Bell would have to be out of taco meat or beans for your scenario to be anywhere near as horrifying as mine.

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  23. Once my taco bell was out of lettuce.

    I didn't even give a shit.

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  24. Tits: that's because you're harder than Hardcore Jesus.

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  25. Dude, when the Bell puts cheese on everything, and you want some motherfucking nachos and those little potato things of deliciousness, the cheese conundrum is a big fucking deal.

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  26. Key: you did give me a head's up. Though, this guy is like all of 15 and now he's all pouty.

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  27. Frankly, my kids are both funnier and edgier than most "humor" bloggers.

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  28. Interesting review.

    It's interesting that you point out passive vs. active voice. I always thought academics were taught to avoid passive voice. I guess it's probably like anything - it depends.

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  29. Hey, question for ya'll... Given that GoK calls anyone possessing dual X chromosomes "Tits" as a cute little nickname, wouldn't it be appropriate to refer to him as something like "Balls?"

    Yet, no one does.

    Just wondering.

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  30. We call him Dick.

    But, Tits is his specific nickname for Betsey Booms (she had a boob job sometime last year).

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  31. So, did he get a dick job? Sounds sort of Bobbit-esque.

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  32. Pos, let's just say it's a prominent identifying feature. I bet DPH could claim him in a morgue, even if he'd been decapitated.

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  33. Your comment has made me think of specific scenes from Porky's and The World According to Garp. Not sure these two films should be sharing neurons.

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  34. Pos, I'm a bright shining star.

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  35. Porky's. Got to love that Canadian talent. You could call him 'Meat' haha.

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  36. God, I love Porky's. "This has gotta be the biggest beaver shoot in the history of Florida."

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  37. My favourite scene in the movie is when they are in the office. Balbricker wants to catch Tommy by having a cock line-up to identify him, lol. The other would be the gym teachers in the boys locker room. Lassie howling, that was hilarious.

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  38. Well, Foxglove, you hit the nail on the head (so to speak) of the scene from Porky's that came to mind. Now, can you identify what I might be thinking of from Garp?

    Or am I the only one who cares about my games?

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  39. I actually haven't seen The World According to Garp, otherwise I would take a guess. I like games. If I find a good link for it online, I'll watch it today. It's my day off, woot!

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  40. Pos: if it has something to do with a dead sexy blogger sending cock pics out to every female on the internet, then I think I understand where you were going with that. I haven't seen Garp either.

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  41. I've read Garp. Is it the one in the car, in the drive-way when he gets rear-ended by the other car?

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  42. Oh and he calls me Tits because he really respects me.

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  43. Betsey -- not the scene I was thinking of. That's a good one though.

    The key element that made this scene pop into my head was the comment about being claimed in a morgue. I never read the book, but I can't imagine this being in the movie and not the book.

    I don't intend this to hang out there too much longer (no pun intended*). I'll let you all off the hook soon.

    * Why is it that when someone says "No pun intended," it is incredibly obvious that the pun was very much intended? How dumb do we think we are?

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  44. Oh wait, it's Garp's father you're thinking of right?

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  45. "how dumb do we think we are?"

    Pretty fucking dumb.

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  46. BB -- That's the one! The (nearly) dead man's priapistic orgasm.

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  47. I love that you said priapistic. It's so brainy nerdy dirty.

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  48. You should read the book. It was so funny I laughed out loud, so sad, I nearly cried and disturbing on so many levels.

    It's fantastic.

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  49. Oh look, the gig is up, I just admitted that I've read a book.

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  50. I don't know why you act like that's so shocking. One would have to read a lot of books to write as well as you do. Yes, that was a compliment. And on a Monday, even.

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  51. Let's be real here, you don't have to read anything more than James Patterson or Charlaine Harris to write like I do.

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  52. "It's so brainy nerdy dirty."

    What does it say that I had to do a quick Google search to make sure I was spelling it right?

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  53. That book really is wonderful. As are all of Irving's that I've read.

    Also, don't knock Charlaine Harris, dammit. It's better by far that simpering, stupid, "sparkly" Twilight.

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  54. Irving's okay. Too many circuses, midgets, freaky sex monkeys, and novelists in his books for my liking.

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  55. For fear of interrupting another conversation about rimming or whatever, I think A free Man got a rough deal here.

    Blogs cover every topic under the sun, the vast majority of which I don't understand a rat's arse of.

    Not every blog entry needs to be like a closing scene from Dawson's Creek. Some really smart and even well adjusted people blog now and again, it's okay to be intelligent, articulate, academically minded, or politically dedicated and enjoy presenting it.

    We are not all damaged goods.

    I think A Free Man lives up to it's billing, it's a well rounded personal blog, and I imagine a very close reflection of the author. Family, sports & music, misspent youth, politics and science.

    All written about with dedication.

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  56. This is where we diverge mightily. You can never have too many of those things.

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  57. I wasn't knocking Charlaine, she solidly takes up my nightstand. Because I refuse to give into Twilight.

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  58. Booms, you've now admitted to at least TWO books. Nerd.

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  59. Fuck.

    I've read a lot of books. Let's just go ahead and get it out there.

    My cover is totally fucking blown.

    But like my own writing, they aren't much of a stretch on my brain.

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  60. Unless you count Bunnicula, that was crazy.

    And I figure Twilight is probably similar.

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  61. I like to read a healthy smattering of totally fucking flluffy and my mind hurts from the big words and historical dialogue. I run the gamut.

    Oh, and smut. Don't forget the smut.

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  62. He got a raw deal with 2 fucking stars? My heart bleeds for him.

    No offense, but I offered an objective review. I know y'all like him and all, and PERSONALLY SPEAKING, I like him, too. But his blog could stand some SERIOUS red pen treatment.

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  63. I read a lot of mysteries because I'm really deep.

    At the end of my day, I love to read, but my brain can't be taxed anymore like it used to be.

    Ghost really wants to say something now.

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  64. I'd'a loved all up on him. But this is why we have diverse reviewers.

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  65. Pos: The fact that you knew the term existed gives you +12 on the nerdy hot scale.

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  66. I love all different genres of books. But I'm a fantasy girl at heart. Although you'll catch me in the teen section of the bookstore. Everyone keeps telling me to read Wheels of Time, I say no fucking way. I can't commit to a 13 book series I think it is now. Teen fantasy is more appealing to me, but fuck Twilight, I probably will never ever read that.

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  67. The science entries go right over my head, I try, and I fade away, but that doesn't mean he should change it to cater for a simpleton like me.

    Some things just need more than a sound bite.

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  68. I LIKE lengthy journal entries about all kinds of things (not just rim jobs). But the voice needs to be compelling.

    For instance, Lori Hahn is very much like Chris. Her blog gets very political at times. But her entries are very tidy, idea-wise. That's where I'd like to see Chris go...he needs to be more disciplined with his editing.

    As stated, I like him, he is a very thoughtful person. But he could often trim 40% of the words out of a post and still get the point across.

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  69. For me, there are some people who can go on and on and I won't care because I just love their voice. Others may find them rambling and wordy, but because I like "hearing them talk," I don't. Chris falls into this category for me. He could talk for ages about a lot of things, and I'll read along. Science being the exception.

    And then again, I can be wordy as all hell, so perhaps I can appreciate that in him. Red pen profession notwithstanding.

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  70. Yeah, I can't really get mad at the wordy ones, because really? I hammer out ten-page blogs, trim them to five, split them over two days, and they're still too fucking long.

    PS: Love Freeman.

    PPS: I have also read a book or two, and nothing beats Stinker From Space.

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  71. Speaking of stinker in space, this bitch needs to die a slow, painful death.

    I don't know why I'm posting this here, it perhaps warrants it's own review, but I hate this blogger.

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  72. Hasn't she already gotten her own review?

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  73. Yes, she's had her review. Unlike others, however, who got better, she's actually gotten worse.

    This deserves a FOAD.

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  74. I don't know, making fun of incredibly talented, ugly people is always a good time, right?

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  75. Ah! A re-review for backsliding. Gotcha.

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  76. Add it to fat chicks and crying retards.

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  77. I'm pretty sure there are about forty blogs on backorder status for a re review.

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  78. True. But this one really deserves it.

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  79. By the way, fat chicks and retards looks JUST LIKE GARGAMEL.

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  80. Wait...so what's the deal with this Susan Boyle person?

    I intentionally live under a rock sometimes. So I listened to her sing, and she's good.

    I don't get what the deal is.

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  81. Apparently it's shocking - SHOCKING - to have a beautiful voice and not look like a supermodel.

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  82. I had to look her up too. Just Google her. It's pretty much every where.

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  83. The deal is she's like the little engine that could and the ugly duckling and cinderella all smooshed together into one incredibly moving and sob-fest inducing middle-aged person with huge talent who people laughed at when she walked out on stage, but, dammit, she nailed it and, crap, I'm crying now because I laughed, too, and I'm ashamed and uplifted and will henceforth refrain from foregone conclusions and judgmental snarking because this woman proves that you can't judge a book by its cover and I need some alone time now, to just cry and hold my inner child.

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  84. The thing that got me when I watched a video of her, is that she's about the nicest person ever too and not nearly as hideous as that still shot makes her out to be.

    But no, seriously, let's kick the poor broad.

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  85. Eh, Rass, I don't watch either. But I wouldn't pick my old librarian for the next American Idol any faster than I would fuck a cactus repeatedly. She could be the greatest waitress ever and I wouldn't tip ten percent. Maybe I'm shallow, but its American Idol, sponsored by Coca Cola, in the SexNow Generation.

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  86. And it's exactly that shit that made me never watch American Idol again.

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  87. It's actually not American Idol, it's Britain's Got Talent, which I know next to nothing about, but they don't have that pesky age limit. And I think last year some fairly average older person won.

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  88. She wasn't on American Idol, she was on Britain's Got Talent.

    And she has talent, not the makings of an idol.

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  89. I think that what Candice has yet to learn, though I hope she learns it someday:

    Ugly is only skin deep. Stupid, hateful and shallow goes all the way to the bone.

    Someday, Candice is going to lose her unearthly resemblance to Cameron Diaz. And, at that point in life, what is she going to have to offer anyone besides a truly hideous soul?

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  90. Oh. Right. The British strike again.

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  91. Hold on while I make fun of Pavarotti because he's fat and has big eyebrows.

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  92. Cal - that was a brilliant description of the whole Susan Boyle (Doyle?) "event".

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  93. Wait, so the big deal is that she's not hot?

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  94. I guess what I'm laughing about is that so many people say things like 'ugly is skin deep....' but you would catch them dead before they were caught in public with an ugly mate. At some point, EVERY LAST PERSON has 'deal breakers'. SO, while everyone may appreciate her singing, that's fine. But I think for the most part, unless you're sure your house isn't part glass, maybe the rocks should be set down.

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  95. It would be nice to be totally unbiased, but no human is. Fact.

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  96. I mean, you're right on that GoK, everyone's got their standards. But what do dating standards have to do with a plain-looking woman who sings beautifully?

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  97. And, mocking her for her appearance.

    We get it: she isn't pretty.

    Is pretty all there is?

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  98. I think you are overestimating Mr. Booms hotness.

    I kid.

    But seriously? No, I've never made fun of someone for being ugly, not once in my entire life.

    And I actually don't get the definition of attractive. I mean, I get it, it's defined for me. I know what I HAVE to look like and for the most part, I do.

    I don't get why I should hate someone else for looking different.

    I just plain don't.

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  99. You can only have friends if they meet your height/weight criteria? You can only socialize with blonds? People only have worth and value if they are thin, young, and sexy?

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  100. No, it's ok, I love her voice. She's hideous, but I love her voice. Seriously. There is nothing ok with that statement. So when you look at her, you see her voice, right?

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  101. My question is, why does she care?

    Why does this person offend her so much?

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  102. I can't believe I'm writing this but I have to agree with Key. We all have our biases. But I think there's a difference between not wanting to fuck somebody and rolling our eyes at them because they said they can sing well. Just because I don't want somebody's cock inside me doesn't mean I think that they're a waste of space.

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  103. Is pretty all there is?

    It depends on what we're talking about. Modeling? Dating? Decorating? Yes. Personal views of "pretty" is all that matters.

    Singing?

    Well, I want a pretty voice. Or what I consider pretty.

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  104. LB: That's not true. I just wouldn't go around projecting myself on a high horse that I couldn't saddle.

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  105. I hope you're not talking to me, because I do not see an ugly woman when I look at her. And you can ask Mr. Booms if I'm blowing hot air here.

    I am one of the most non-judgmental people I know. I'll tell you exactly what I judge people on, being a fuck face.

    Who asked anyone to make out with fucking Susan Boyle?

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  106. I do too, Rass. I made a mistake in assuming she was on American Idol. That's what set me off.

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  107. I am far more tolerant of ugly men than ugly women. Which is my little confession of the day.

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  108. See, I definitely mock people. I definitely do. But, I don't mock them for being old. Or, overweight. Or, unattractive.

    I might mock a girl who walks around like Candice does, thinking that her shit smells like a rose garden. But, there are lines, for me at least.

    I am a huge fan of Geddy Lee. In no world is someone going to come to me and say, "Geddy Lee is incredibly hot and fuckable."

    I don't require Geddy Lee to be hot and fuckable for me to think he's a fucking rock genius.

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  109. I think "pretty" or "attractive" is very subjective. People who have rotted out souls are repulsive to me, no matter how physically attractive they might be.

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  110. And just to hammer my point home, the other day my husband said, "Wow, those poor girls hit every branch on the way down."

    I looked over at them, looked at him and said, "And that's exactly why you'd probably miss out on the most awesome girl there is."

    And he is a schmoozer and said, "No, way, I've already got her."

    But still? I bet they were fucking fun... Or well read. Or just awesome in ways I don't even know about.

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  111. LB, I'm sorry, but Geddy Lee's voice makes me want to stuff my ears with hand grenades.

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  112. Oh wait, I just to make sure that I mock people relentlessly for being douchey.

    I hate douches.

    So let me take it all back.

    Go on, mock the unattractive, extremely talented woman.

    And society as a whole accepts ugly men easier than ugly women.

    Ugly men can be brilliant and talented.

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  113. Betsey: I'm not talking to you here. I guess I don't get the 'LB gonna kill the blond for not getting killed for being a blond bitch last week.'

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  114. Now, you give me Freddie Mercury, or on the opposite? Tom Waits? I'm puddling.

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  115. Frankly, Geddy Lee has a face that only a mother could love, but the man is brilliant.

    Susan Boyle not only has a lovely voice, but she has an incredible soul. It comes through just in that short clip that I watched on youtube. This is a woman who has cultivated her inner garden and grown something beautiful.

    And with people like that, you forget what they look like. Looks, in the long run, are transient and ephemeral.

    A beautiful soul is eternal.

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  116. Key:

    Kill her? Nah.

    Mock her mercilessly and think she's a soulless waste of skin?

    You betcha. She gave me that to work with.

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  117. Oh, I'm a Judgy McJudgerson. And I most certainly mock people for how they look. And I'm not going to bone someone unattractive to me (notice I said "to me" because my idea of attractive ain't yours). But, dammit, that Susan Boyle person just makes me look to my better angels, to overquote Obama/Lincoln.

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  118. Boomer: Society accepts men as a whole more often than women, and I can't believe I'm opening that can right now.

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  119. See that's where the problem is. People are naturally drawn to things that look pretty to them. I myself do judge upon first appearance. And I do make fun of people, myself especially. But I also take the time to talk to people and get to know them. When I know them I don't notice how they look. So I think that's what people need to do, give someone a chance and you will see just how beautiful they really are.

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  120. Good looking people never have to grow past being good looking. Therefore, they don't interest me a whole lot. And when they are fantastic people then chances are they weren't always good looking or lucky.

    I like a little tragedy in the soul of my people, a little struggle and little beauty.

    If you are good looking I want your soul to be the same fucking way or just fuck off.

    And why must a good looking person make fun of someone who is unfortunately not as "lucky"?

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  121. No, LB, I hardly see that connection at all. I didn't see anyone digging up the corpses of all those Indian Emo Bloggers and torching the town. Even after I burnt Miss Piety a few weeks back, she continued to disgust but I'm not throwing my minions at her. I guess I don't see how mocking someone for mocking someone shows us that mocking and judging is wrong.

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  122. You think that I think mocking and judging is wrong? Honeycakes, we do that all day long here.

    But even I have limits (and so, frankly, do you).

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  123. Rass - word.

    I'm the aftermath of an ugly duckling that just wanted to be accepted.

    Low self-esteem and all.

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  124. It's not that I'm a saint, nor that you're one either, LB, we're not. But haranguing someone for being more flawed than us?

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  125. Yes. I'm haranguing a woman who is caught up in her own attractiveness and is so soulless that she feels a need to throw stones at the poor ugly british woman.

    Fuck her.

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  126. It all comes back to Steel Magnolias. Always.

    ANNELLE. There's no such thing as natural beauty ...

    TRUVY. Remember that, or we're all out of a job. Just look at me, Annelle. It takes some effort to look like this.

    ANNELLE. I can see that.

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  127. Around here, we typically mock and judge based on intellect and writing abilities.

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  128. I can't be bothered to go read this woman's blog, but does she talk about her own attractiveness? I mean, I see the huge honking picture of her attractiveness, but does she write about it?

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  129. She threw stones at Doherty and I would join her in doing so.

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  130. Ghost, you obviously have a thing for Candice.

    I'm not judging you here for that. But really? Come on, dude.

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  131. Yeah, but you know who I'm mostly tolerant of?

    Average looking guys. They can just get away with everything, because no matter what, they can get hotter or fuglier every day. So it's like a game.

    I automatically don't trust people who are too good looking.

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  132. I wish I could cultivate my inner garden

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  133. Which is a burden on myself, I confess, because I'm frickin' gorgeous.

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  134. Key:

    Frankly, I think the only reason you're defending her is that she's hot. Spades = spades, and all.

    And that's probably the reason I judge her so harshly. She knows she's hot. Thus, she doesn't need to do this.

    As far as yanking blogs back up and re-mocking them, this isn't the first time. It surely won't be the last.

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  135. Father Gene:

    In order to get started properly, get Key to spread some of his bullshit around on your chest.

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  136. Hey Ghost - you have to know when to stop kicking the retard, right?

    Or the fat chicks.

    Or the ugly chicks.

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  137. LB - I see what you're saying. However, might not Candice herself be a victim of our culture? A culture that tells us we're nothing if not beautiful?

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  138. I honestly don't think she's all that hot. But that's just me.

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  139. I still beat on her. I have a little effigy and everything.

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  140. Gwen, that's horseshit and you know it.

    You most definitely CAN blame someone for being so easily influenced.

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  141. Oh great. Now my comment makes no sense because the comment I was commenting on has disappeared. Now I seem to be talking about sado-masochism for no reason.

    Or is there always a reason?

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  142. Uh oh. Someone trucked out the "victim" word. For Candice?

    Not feeling it.

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  143. No! Gwen... I'm that victim, God damn it!

    She's had time to heal and be nice.

    I even told her making fun of fat chicks was mean. Guess I should have thrown in ugly too.

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  144. Personally, I'm glad there are people out there that judge looks so harshly.

    It makes the ones who don't so much cooler.

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  145. The balance between the two is essential.

    I would rather have the existence of the extremes than EVERYTHING down the middle.

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  146. Rassles - My confession is like yours.

    I don't trust really good looking people.

    Their insides are typically made of shit and I retract that feeling when they prove me different.

    So there, I'm an asshole.

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  147. I wonder how many of us here are wearing berets...

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  148. Candice is a victim? Of what, a tragic plastic surgery accident?

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  149. I'm amused that we've devolved/evolved into a discussion on the relative merits of brains and kindness over beauty while there isn't a picture of me anywhere near this site. Or my own site, for that matter.

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  150. She's no victim.

    The only 'thing' I may have for her is that while I may not care for her blog, nothing in it screamed at me. I don't care for blondes. Apparently, Candice is y'alls Seven. And if I remember correctly, I was being harsh like LB. Making all sorts of assumptions about a person 'I don't know'.

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  151. Tragic plastic surgery AND beret-wearing ugly-hater. Look at me, here, holding this human heart.

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  152. Ok. Victim was a strong word. I guess I just can't bring myself to hate Candice. And I know you guys are going to laugh at me for saying this, but when I read some of her blogs I get this feeling that this woman is really sad about something, or mad. And I get that. I mean I write angry blogs that rage against stupid shit too. So maybe that means my soul is rotten too. And I'm not beautiful outside either. I'm totally screwed I guess.

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  153. Why do I feel you aren't holding Candice to the same standards you are holding the douche bags from Saturday's review to?

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  154. Also, we write about brains and kindness, and then talk about kicking naked retards.

    Advanced minds.

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  155. We're highly evolved here, what can I say?

    Gwen, please stop making me feel things I don't want to feel, like sympathy for the she-devil.

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  156. But Gwen, you're not an idiot, and you're not rude.

    What did I tell you about this whole fishing business?

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  157. Gwen, I did her review.

    And if you go back and read it, you'll see.

    I called her on it because she IS better than that. I know, I read every word she wrote.

    I call self-esteem solidly on this one. Which is fine, but don't be a dick to those less fortunate.

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  158. Oh and my standards comment was aimed at my pal, Ghost.

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  159. I don't care what any one of you looks like, though I must say that I found key's penis rather remarkable (and that's saying something, because I've seen a lot of peen in my time). Your looks are irrelevant to me.

    Pos could be 400 lbs. and I'd still think he was warm, witty, hilarious, and had a hot nerdy soul.

    Candice clearly cares a lot about what she looks like. We know this because she has a large photo of herself posted squarely on the top of her blog. That's what she is about, clearly. And, she judges the relative worth of other human beings based upon what they look like.

    That isn't angry blogging. That's just ugly.

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  160. Let's just be dicks to dicks.

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  161. All I know is I'll write in relative anonymity here, and critique other people's blogs when they ask me to, but I ain't got the gumption to get up and sing my dang-diddly heart out on international television and give a great big, "See? We all have potential." high five to the world. But I'm glad she did.

    And when I'm cultivating my inner garden, when do I prune?

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  162. Rassles - I swear that's not what I'm doing here. I wouldn't even TRY that shit with you people.

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  163. Candice is the girl who has a picture of herself above her mantle.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that. Who am I to judge?

    /irony

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  164. I know Gwen, it's just fun giving you shit.

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  165. I totally have a huge picture of myself in my bedroom. I am not lying.

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  166. It's a drawing, though, not a photo. Does that make it less indulgent and self-centered?

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  167. I kind of seek out people who aren't "normal" or "perfect". It makes me feel normal to be surrounded by my own kind.

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  168. We'll just agree to disagree on Candice.

    Those Dbags from saturday are kicking their own, that's why I am harsher on them.

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  169. I wonder will Pacey find out what happened between Dawson & Jen.

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  170. I wonder if Pacey will find out that I'd totally do him now that he's on Fringe.

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  171. Cal: Yes. Candice would have a glamor shot.

    Speaking of the cunts from Saturday, they are threatening to use some photo of me from the internet as their next fugly chick.

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  172. I'm with LB - I couldn't care less how people look. And that goes for in blog world and real world.

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  173. Well, the pic I have up (and framed, beautifully, in pink -- I am so not kidding) is from 15 years ago. Hello, can't let go of the past. Hello, I've peaked and I'm kidding myself. Hello, painful reminder of my lost beauty.

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  174. "Pos could be 400 lbs"

    I knew a guy who was 550 pounds, but was the nicest guy I have ever worked with. He has his demons, but so do we all.

    He has since had the stomach banding surgery and lost more weight than I weigh. He's now down to something like 300. Still a big guy. Still a great guy.

    I know this other guy who has never been out of shape in his life, and if I ever see him again, I will fucking kill him. (Not really. Just mentally.)

    Go figure.

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  175. LB: Let them do it. I'm lacking a few posts this week and would love to reign down some hate and discontent on those retards.

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  176. I think you have to suffer in life to become a great person.

    Otherwise? You make others suffer in your place.

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  177. My pearls! I thought they'd never see the light of day. Thanks, L.B.

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  178. Erin: the same was once said about my 'pearls'.

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  179. I call bullshit, Key. Your pearls have been out in the light of day -- splattered over all of creation, or at least Texas and Colorado and parts of California -- since at least 1986. Right?

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  180. Well, to be fair, she didn't know me all that well.

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  181. Candice is pretty and when you are pretty and you mock less attractive people, it makes you look even more shallow and insecure. Beauty standards(and they are less objective than you'd think) are what they are, some of us are genetically blessed others are not--it is the luck of the genetic draw.

    I think all of us have a propensity to bully or mock others but most of us are capable of finding material elsewhere, Candice apparently is not.

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  182. Just chiming in to say that I adore Freeman, especially the science. But that's probably because I have unfulfilled sexual fantasies about my university professors.

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  183. Key, if only I had a dollar for every time you've spattered your pearls in broad daylight.

    Also, what formerly fun said...is brilliant. That's it, exactly.

    Also, Cal, you aren't this Candice person. Don't personalize. You don't mock other people's looks. Their clothes? Yes. Their hideous sunglasses? Yes. Their body mass? Never.

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  184. This is a true story, because if you pop your collar I pretty much instantly hate you. Which reminds me, I got a picture of my kid dressed up like a Raging Chad.

    It's pretty awesome.

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  185. I actually wasn't personalizing (this time), merely trying to be funny.

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  186. If you are male, and wear a pink shirt, I automatically want to kick you in the nards.

    But, I could care less how much you weigh.

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  187. oopsie. My bad. Next time, use the distinctive "sarcasm" marker. I'm sarcasm impaired.

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  188. If I made fun of someone for being fat I'd pretty much be the pot/kettle. So, no, I don't do that. And I like fat people anyway. Well, curvy.

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  189. If I made fun of people for being large breasted blond ditzes, I'd be pot/kettle.

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  190. My husband wears a pink shirt.

    If you kick him in the nards, I have to do something about it by law I think.

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Grow a pair.